it's funny...

[seeking_joely]

that even though i spent the past ten years imagining this would happen...it's still a shocker.  i spent our whole relationship fearing this and thinking it would happen and i built up the wall so that when it did happen, i wouldn't be hurt...yet it hurts worse than i ever imagined.

maybe it's because of the circumstances (which i WILL explain in

Comments

[clockworkblack]

I'm not going through relationship troubles... but this post really resonated with me all the same. Especially ".i just want to rewind back to january when i thought this year was going to be the most amazing year for me, for us. i wish i could go back and change so much. i hate that i can't change any of it. i wish i could just go to sleep and never wake up. i wish this was all just a horrible, bad dream or a bad joke."

I feel this. SO much.

I used to say I believed everything happens for a reason. Now I don't believe it. Maybe I will again one day, when it doesn't hurt so bad. But I DO know that we can always learn and grow from our experiences. <3

I love you boo.

[seeking_joely]

i love you too hunny. i think about you all the time...i know i've been majorly m.i.a. *hugs*

i know what you have gone through (and what others are going through) is so much harder than what i am going through, so i feel selfish for even feeling these things. i really hope that doesn't come off wrong. :( especially when the past few months have made me realize how precious life truly is, but it doesn't make it hurt any less.

[clockworkblack]

Oh no no no never. Do NOT discount your feelings!! People VERY often tell me they don't tell me about their problems because theirs are small compared to mine- but I never ever feel that way. (Unless their problem is a whiny crying baby.. then I want to sock them in the face.) I know you are hurting. And I wish I could fix it, and I know you do too. But all we can do is try and learn. :\

[crystalheart]

Never feel selfish about feelings, nor guilty that people have it worse off so you shouldn't feel so bad. And definitely take this time for you, you are a wonderful and amazing person and you just need to realize it!

[extraneousrooot]

If you wanna talk about it without getting too public, you can always text me - number's on my fb profile.

You can...

[anonymous]

I don't typically comment on your blog, but I wanted to take the time to tell you that you are going to be OK. In fact, focusing on you is exactly what you need, and you will become better than ok. If you do what you need to do to get yourself happy, you will find things come into your life that you never knew you wanted/needed, and that fulfill you in so many other ways. I was widowed two years ago (I'm in my 20's!), and have a small child. I thought I would never recover from that--the anguish was devestating to say the least. But I did recover, and I learned to take care of myself, I learned what was truly important in life, and I have learned to live again. I can honestly say that I am grateful--yes grateful!!--for the experience. I firmly believe that things happened for a reason. You aren't meant to know Why quite yet, but you will someday. Relax, enjoy the ride, and find the healthy you that you want to be. If I can do it, so can you.

Re: You can...

[seeking_joely]

thank you for your message...it really means a lot to me. i am sorry for your loss...and you are right, everything happens for a reason.