Overlapping Worlds - Part V
Title: Overlapping Worlds
Pairing: Sehun/Kai
Rating: G
Summary: They live in the same house, in the same space, at the same time. In the same world, but not really.
"I'm not sure if we can make it to lunch." Sehun tucked his hair beneath his cap in front of his reflection in the mirror.
"Luhan tends to jump at the different companies in his list in one day." It was Luhan's 3rd day of looking for a job. One day, he just suddenly expressed that he feels guilty for staying over at Sehun's without doing anything for him in return, except buy him bubble teas, and at the same time he needed to earn money to be able to move out. What Sehun told Kai was that it wasn't a bad idea because Luhan will eventually be able to buy back his apartment, a 10-minute drive away from Sehun's house, and apparently they can live together again with no limitations, that is see each other anywhere any time. To which Kai agreed. Now Luhan is looking for a job every day and he always takes Sehun with him. Kai didn't realize that with the promise of getting back together in the long run, he would have to sacrifice seeing Sehun in the house for the meantime.
"Pray that Luhan decides to take the job this time." He put an affectionate hand on Kai's arm, and there was a flash of a vivid image of that beautiful night he had had with Sehun many days ago. Sometimes Kai's thoughts would replay random scenes in his head. He wasn't sure whether his memory has been tampered with or just deep down it was an experience he never really wanted to forget. He gave Sehun a small smile. He could see in the eyes of the younger that he isn't in the same page as him, that he's too preoccupied to have the time to think back of that memory of that fateful night. Kai looked away, not wanting the disappointment to creep on his face in case Sehun might think it's for another reason. Like, him leaving the house with Luhan quite often.
"Eat on time ok." Sehun's hand dropped to Kai's hand. Kai clasped it with his and pulled him into a light send off hug. "I'll call you later." Sehun added in a cheerful tone as his back retreated through the door and had gone.
But he never did.
***
Sehun was officially spending more time with Luhan, Kai pondered on it. Sehun looked as if he hadn't noticed the change though. Kai paced the room with his eyes, back and forth. Luhan had finally gotten a job. He was pretty smart and many companies had been hiring him after his application, it was actually Luhan who took longer in choosing which he'd accept and work for. Kai thought things would start to go back into place when Luhan starts working, however it was still different. Sehun would oftentimes drop by Luhan's workplace, sometimes due to Luhan's request, most of the time voluntarily.
Kai didn't know what to make out of his situation. What was he to Sehun anyway? They've never cleared things between them. All he knows is that he's happy with Sehun, and he thinks Sehun is too. Or Sehun was. Or Sehun's just... Kai snapped back at himself. He laughed coldly for a bit. What was he doing anyway? Mysteriously appearing in someone's house in another world. Moving in to the house he had never thought was possible but had hoped that it can happen in real life. Why was he attracted to Sehun by the way? Was it the pretty face? The fragility that needs protection? Or was it guilt? Or pity?
Kai took out his camera and sat by the bed. What were the pictures for? To keep the memories? For when he disappears he will still be able to remember? For when the time comes, he could comfort himself and say he had made him happy? Kai pressed on the button to play picture by picture. It was all of Sehun, the different things that he does, the different facial expressions controlled by his emotions, the different smiles meant for him. Kai wondered why he actually came to his world. How had he gotten there? Was it depression? Desperation? Or selfishness? He was sure it was the second. He was desperate.
***
More days came and Kai and Sehun only had little talks at night. Sometimes Kai would sleep ahead, tired of waiting for Sehun to appear in his room. More than being with him, he's been always alone. He couldn't blame Sehun, it's not his fault that he can't see him when Luhan is around. The problem is Luhan is always around.
They were slightly growing apart, and he would be blind not to see it. Kai tried to find a reason to understand the situation, but was Sehun just playing all along? Just to fill in the gap Luhan has left, and now that he's back to do it himself, is there no more room for him now? Kai knew of his feelings for Luhan, how could he not?
Bravely, he decided that tonight, he would tell Sehun of his own feelings. He didn't want them to grow more apart than they already are. He needed to speak up.
However, during the same night, came Sehun's mother's untimely drunken visits. Luhan was used to it, apparently, as he helped Sehun usher his mom to his room. Sehun had informed Kai of the sudden appearance of his mom through passing into their room once, getting a damp cloth from his drawer.
"My mom is here." Sehun hurriedly closed the door and paused for a bit to explain to Kai what the plan was for the night.
Kai worriedly asked, "Will you be ok?"
Sehun nodded once. And there was a blank pause. He only realized something, and there was an unfamiliar ache in his heart. He knew Kai would feel the same. He knew how many times he has neglected him for the past few days, weeks, and he was sorry for it. Every time he wanted to talk to him, he has already gone to bed, not at all waiting for him.
"Luhan has to transfer to this room for tonight." He said in a low voice. Kai remained silent.
"I'm sorry Kai." He meant it, for everything.
Kai only blinked once. He stared at Sehun for a few silent heartbeats. There was a painful squeeze on his heart. His hope of fixing things between them had been shattered. In his head, there was only one question swimming over his other thoughts, how long is tonight? But instead, after making sure his voice was steady, he said, "As long as you'll be ok."
Sehun only nodded. "I'm sorry."
And the night went on with Kai lying on his back on his cold empty bed, facing his lonely ceiling, eyes open and full of questions. Is Sehun coping up well? Is he crying? Is Luhan beside him? Is he in his arms? He remembered the way he drove Sehun's pain away that previous time his mother had come. Did Luhan do the exact same thing?
He tore his eyes off from the ceiling, he'll never get an answer anyway. His face turned to where Sehun should be lying next to him. It was empty, and the space he left was visibly huge. Almost as huge as the same empty space that marked in Kai's heart.
There was the feeling of abandonment in Kai's bedroom. To Sehun, he knew, there was Luhan in his place.
The next morning, Kai didn't feel like waking up. He knew he wasn't gonna see the face that he'd been longing to see anyway. The face that had been long gone ever since Luhan came.
He kept his eyes shut as he heard a movement by the door. It clicked to a shut and there's only one reason why he's been sucked back to his world. Luhan had gone.
Slowly, he felt the weight shifting on the bed he's been lying on, a low silent creak escaped just ever so slightly on the other side. Kai observed the movement beside him, Sehun was probably sitting and leaning on the headboard as there was more weight pressed beside his head. He felt the dragging of the legs closer to the pooling weight beside him, and Kai wanted to open his eyes to see if he's ok. But his pain and the feeling of betrayal took over him, and he decided to go back to his uncomfortable sleep.
Sehun watched as Kai peacefully slept beside him. He had brought his legs closer to his chest, hugging them as though they can ease the painful tug on his heart. He misses Kai, and being without him for a long night made it harder. But how was he going to tell him? What if he neglects him too just as how he had neglected him? He was afraid that Kai would talk back when he starts to explain. He couldn't admit that the reason why he's been spending more time with Luhan was because he was trying to test whether Kai was just an illusion. Whether everything, the overlapping of the worlds, was just a creation of his imagination drawn by his loneliness. It was impossible to see a person from another dimension. It was more impossible to get attached to the same person. And so he took the chance to wake himself up when Luhan suddenly showed up. He thought maybe he'd be healed from this lonesome state. That's what Sehun thought. But the more he spent more time trying to convince himself, the more Kai was becoming real to him. The more he was feeling all sorts of emotions that didn't make him feel easy. The more these emotions were telling him that Kai was real, and everything that had happened was real. He couldn't bring himself to admit that this crossed Sehun's mind. He was afraid Kai might hate him.
He buried his head in his legs. He realized his mistake and he doesn't know how to fix it back. He knew Kai was hurt, and it hurt him too, everytime. But how can he ever explain?
Two more days and Sehun felt like he was holding on to the last strands of Kai's existence. He barely sees him, even never in breakfast anymore. He tried to stay at home one day, but Kai seemed to have been busy. Sehun had only had two explanations, either Kai is avoiding him or they just don't cross each other's paths in the house, which is impossible because the house isn't that big to lose him in.
Luhan makes most of his time with Sehun when he's home, too. This gives Kai an excuse to disappear more. He's been avoiding Sehun, but sometimes he just can't really see him. The instant answer is Luhan's presence.
They're both secretly looking for each other, but their worlds won't allow them to. And Kai is tired of it. What happened to "There'll only be us"?
Three more days and Luhan decided that it's time he moved back to his old apartment. He promised Sehun his visits when he's not busy. Sehun encouraged this idea of Luhan. It would be less happier in the house without him, but it would give him more time to finally talk to Kai. He had seen him in their bedroom just that morning and he would have talked to him already if he wasn't trying to pretend to be sleeping.
However, as Luhan was packing his things for the move out the next day, Sehun grabbed this chance to talk to Kai. His excuse is that he only wants to inform him of Luhan's moving out by the morning after. He walked into the room, silently dragging his feet in. Slowly, he approached Kai who was still sleeping, his back turned to Sehun. For a moment, Sehun felt as if he deserved it. The cold shoulder Kai is giving him is just a part of what he had let him feel the past weeks. A tinge of hurt squeezed in his heart, it was obviously all his fault. He deserved all of it.
As he neared the sleeping figure on his bed, his hands slightly reached out for his back, he prepared himself to get no reply even if he taps him. His fingers were inches away from Kai, hesitating whether it was the right time or not. Right or not, he has to do it.
"Kai." He called softly, finger almost in contact with his shoulder. The door suddenly opened and Luhan came in, holding out what seemed to be his excess clothes.
Sehun turned from Luhan back to Kai. He's gone. Of course he would be.
"Can I leave these to you for now? I'll just pick them up when I have the time." Luhan walked in and placed the pile of clothes on Sehun's bed. He just gave a short nod. "Thanks, Sehun." He patted the younger's head and left for his own room.
Sehun was left there, chance wasted. He turned back to his bed with the hope to find Kai sleeping on his bed once more.
But Kai didn't appear anymore.
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Pairing: Sehun/Kai
Rating: G
Summary: They live in the same house, in the same space, at the same time. In the same world, but not really.
"I'm not sure if we can make it to lunch." Sehun tucked his hair beneath his cap in front of his reflection in the mirror.
"Luhan tends to jump at the different companies in his list in one day." It was Luhan's 3rd day of looking for a job. One day, he just suddenly expressed that he feels guilty for staying over at Sehun's without doing anything for him in return, except buy him bubble teas, and at the same time he needed to earn money to be able to move out. What Sehun told Kai was that it wasn't a bad idea because Luhan will eventually be able to buy back his apartment, a 10-minute drive away from Sehun's house, and apparently they can live together again with no limitations, that is see each other anywhere any time. To which Kai agreed. Now Luhan is looking for a job every day and he always takes Sehun with him. Kai didn't realize that with the promise of getting back together in the long run, he would have to sacrifice seeing Sehun in the house for the meantime.
"Pray that Luhan decides to take the job this time." He put an affectionate hand on Kai's arm, and there was a flash of a vivid image of that beautiful night he had had with Sehun many days ago. Sometimes Kai's thoughts would replay random scenes in his head. He wasn't sure whether his memory has been tampered with or just deep down it was an experience he never really wanted to forget. He gave Sehun a small smile. He could see in the eyes of the younger that he isn't in the same page as him, that he's too preoccupied to have the time to think back of that memory of that fateful night. Kai looked away, not wanting the disappointment to creep on his face in case Sehun might think it's for another reason. Like, him leaving the house with Luhan quite often.
"Eat on time ok." Sehun's hand dropped to Kai's hand. Kai clasped it with his and pulled him into a light send off hug. "I'll call you later." Sehun added in a cheerful tone as his back retreated through the door and had gone.
But he never did.
***
Sehun was officially spending more time with Luhan, Kai pondered on it. Sehun looked as if he hadn't noticed the change though. Kai paced the room with his eyes, back and forth. Luhan had finally gotten a job. He was pretty smart and many companies had been hiring him after his application, it was actually Luhan who took longer in choosing which he'd accept and work for. Kai thought things would start to go back into place when Luhan starts working, however it was still different. Sehun would oftentimes drop by Luhan's workplace, sometimes due to Luhan's request, most of the time voluntarily.
Kai didn't know what to make out of his situation. What was he to Sehun anyway? They've never cleared things between them. All he knows is that he's happy with Sehun, and he thinks Sehun is too. Or Sehun was. Or Sehun's just... Kai snapped back at himself. He laughed coldly for a bit. What was he doing anyway? Mysteriously appearing in someone's house in another world. Moving in to the house he had never thought was possible but had hoped that it can happen in real life. Why was he attracted to Sehun by the way? Was it the pretty face? The fragility that needs protection? Or was it guilt? Or pity?
Kai took out his camera and sat by the bed. What were the pictures for? To keep the memories? For when he disappears he will still be able to remember? For when the time comes, he could comfort himself and say he had made him happy? Kai pressed on the button to play picture by picture. It was all of Sehun, the different things that he does, the different facial expressions controlled by his emotions, the different smiles meant for him. Kai wondered why he actually came to his world. How had he gotten there? Was it depression? Desperation? Or selfishness? He was sure it was the second. He was desperate.
***
More days came and Kai and Sehun only had little talks at night. Sometimes Kai would sleep ahead, tired of waiting for Sehun to appear in his room. More than being with him, he's been always alone. He couldn't blame Sehun, it's not his fault that he can't see him when Luhan is around. The problem is Luhan is always around.
They were slightly growing apart, and he would be blind not to see it. Kai tried to find a reason to understand the situation, but was Sehun just playing all along? Just to fill in the gap Luhan has left, and now that he's back to do it himself, is there no more room for him now? Kai knew of his feelings for Luhan, how could he not?
Bravely, he decided that tonight, he would tell Sehun of his own feelings. He didn't want them to grow more apart than they already are. He needed to speak up.
However, during the same night, came Sehun's mother's untimely drunken visits. Luhan was used to it, apparently, as he helped Sehun usher his mom to his room. Sehun had informed Kai of the sudden appearance of his mom through passing into their room once, getting a damp cloth from his drawer.
"My mom is here." Sehun hurriedly closed the door and paused for a bit to explain to Kai what the plan was for the night.
Kai worriedly asked, "Will you be ok?"
Sehun nodded once. And there was a blank pause. He only realized something, and there was an unfamiliar ache in his heart. He knew Kai would feel the same. He knew how many times he has neglected him for the past few days, weeks, and he was sorry for it. Every time he wanted to talk to him, he has already gone to bed, not at all waiting for him.
"Luhan has to transfer to this room for tonight." He said in a low voice. Kai remained silent.
"I'm sorry Kai." He meant it, for everything.
Kai only blinked once. He stared at Sehun for a few silent heartbeats. There was a painful squeeze on his heart. His hope of fixing things between them had been shattered. In his head, there was only one question swimming over his other thoughts, how long is tonight? But instead, after making sure his voice was steady, he said, "As long as you'll be ok."
Sehun only nodded. "I'm sorry."
And the night went on with Kai lying on his back on his cold empty bed, facing his lonely ceiling, eyes open and full of questions. Is Sehun coping up well? Is he crying? Is Luhan beside him? Is he in his arms? He remembered the way he drove Sehun's pain away that previous time his mother had come. Did Luhan do the exact same thing?
He tore his eyes off from the ceiling, he'll never get an answer anyway. His face turned to where Sehun should be lying next to him. It was empty, and the space he left was visibly huge. Almost as huge as the same empty space that marked in Kai's heart.
There was the feeling of abandonment in Kai's bedroom. To Sehun, he knew, there was Luhan in his place.
The next morning, Kai didn't feel like waking up. He knew he wasn't gonna see the face that he'd been longing to see anyway. The face that had been long gone ever since Luhan came.
He kept his eyes shut as he heard a movement by the door. It clicked to a shut and there's only one reason why he's been sucked back to his world. Luhan had gone.
Slowly, he felt the weight shifting on the bed he's been lying on, a low silent creak escaped just ever so slightly on the other side. Kai observed the movement beside him, Sehun was probably sitting and leaning on the headboard as there was more weight pressed beside his head. He felt the dragging of the legs closer to the pooling weight beside him, and Kai wanted to open his eyes to see if he's ok. But his pain and the feeling of betrayal took over him, and he decided to go back to his uncomfortable sleep.
Sehun watched as Kai peacefully slept beside him. He had brought his legs closer to his chest, hugging them as though they can ease the painful tug on his heart. He misses Kai, and being without him for a long night made it harder. But how was he going to tell him? What if he neglects him too just as how he had neglected him? He was afraid that Kai would talk back when he starts to explain. He couldn't admit that the reason why he's been spending more time with Luhan was because he was trying to test whether Kai was just an illusion. Whether everything, the overlapping of the worlds, was just a creation of his imagination drawn by his loneliness. It was impossible to see a person from another dimension. It was more impossible to get attached to the same person. And so he took the chance to wake himself up when Luhan suddenly showed up. He thought maybe he'd be healed from this lonesome state. That's what Sehun thought. But the more he spent more time trying to convince himself, the more Kai was becoming real to him. The more he was feeling all sorts of emotions that didn't make him feel easy. The more these emotions were telling him that Kai was real, and everything that had happened was real. He couldn't bring himself to admit that this crossed Sehun's mind. He was afraid Kai might hate him.
He buried his head in his legs. He realized his mistake and he doesn't know how to fix it back. He knew Kai was hurt, and it hurt him too, everytime. But how can he ever explain?
Two more days and Sehun felt like he was holding on to the last strands of Kai's existence. He barely sees him, even never in breakfast anymore. He tried to stay at home one day, but Kai seemed to have been busy. Sehun had only had two explanations, either Kai is avoiding him or they just don't cross each other's paths in the house, which is impossible because the house isn't that big to lose him in.
Luhan makes most of his time with Sehun when he's home, too. This gives Kai an excuse to disappear more. He's been avoiding Sehun, but sometimes he just can't really see him. The instant answer is Luhan's presence.
They're both secretly looking for each other, but their worlds won't allow them to. And Kai is tired of it. What happened to "There'll only be us"?
Three more days and Luhan decided that it's time he moved back to his old apartment. He promised Sehun his visits when he's not busy. Sehun encouraged this idea of Luhan. It would be less happier in the house without him, but it would give him more time to finally talk to Kai. He had seen him in their bedroom just that morning and he would have talked to him already if he wasn't trying to pretend to be sleeping.
However, as Luhan was packing his things for the move out the next day, Sehun grabbed this chance to talk to Kai. His excuse is that he only wants to inform him of Luhan's moving out by the morning after. He walked into the room, silently dragging his feet in. Slowly, he approached Kai who was still sleeping, his back turned to Sehun. For a moment, Sehun felt as if he deserved it. The cold shoulder Kai is giving him is just a part of what he had let him feel the past weeks. A tinge of hurt squeezed in his heart, it was obviously all his fault. He deserved all of it.
As he neared the sleeping figure on his bed, his hands slightly reached out for his back, he prepared himself to get no reply even if he taps him. His fingers were inches away from Kai, hesitating whether it was the right time or not. Right or not, he has to do it.
"Kai." He called softly, finger almost in contact with his shoulder. The door suddenly opened and Luhan came in, holding out what seemed to be his excess clothes.
Sehun turned from Luhan back to Kai. He's gone. Of course he would be.
"Can I leave these to you for now? I'll just pick them up when I have the time." Luhan walked in and placed the pile of clothes on Sehun's bed. He just gave a short nod. "Thanks, Sehun." He patted the younger's head and left for his own room.
Sehun was left there, chance wasted. He turned back to his bed with the hope to find Kai sleeping on his bed once more.
But Kai didn't appear anymore.
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