it always comes down to the places; i remember rooms as well as i remember faces. four walls can freeze memories i'd otherwise forget. i am overwhelmed by emotion when i set my foot on once-familiar ground. i find that while yes, my life is changing, the thing that gets to me the most is that the context of it will change. the frequently traveled ( Read more... )

saturday night, the last song that played as we fell asleep was "walk with you" by dispatch. by that point, most of us had been together for twenty straight hours. i had seen them minutes after they first woke up, coached them through five lacrosse games, won one trophy, laughed with them though three hours worth of bus rides, celebrated into the ( Read more... )

( death, where is thy sting? (it is here in my heart and mind and memories) )

each night, i shuffle through all the moments that stood out during the day. normally this process is brief, a momentary transition between waking and sleep, but lately my mind races long after my eyes close. somehow, the past three days have been both a routine and a surprise ( Read more... )

content has rarely been more than a moment, more than a flickering feeling, more than a brief relief. but now it settles, it lingers, it penetrates deep enough to distill into a sort of meloncholy awe - wonder that this is actually what i've been missing for the past three years, fear that it still won't stick around for long, shock that i'm still ( Read more... )

my apartment feels too large without him and my room seems much too neat. i'm lying on my lonely bed, listening to the hum of a fan in the other room, and staring at my feet, still marked by the blister i got on the day he came and bruise i got the next day, hating that these are the things that remain when he's already seven hundred miles away ( Read more... )

it's easter sunday; i woke up around six-thirty to an empty apartment and a subtle sunrise. i have a new white skirt and a pretty yellow spring sweater, but i'm saving them for graduation, as this year easter pretty much means a couple pieces of candy my mom mailed me and enjoying how empty the gym will be ( Read more... )

before bed, i would rattle off a list of friends and relatives, from immediate family to pets, after the words god bless. it was more superstition than religion, and even now on my most anxiety prone nights the near forgotten ritual soothes me in a way nothing else can. i pray for cats and great grandparents that died years ago. the names flow into ( Read more... )

i like life better in the sunshine, with windows open so i can here the concerto that the person across the street is playing. i like life better when im vulnerable, to people, to places, to circumstances i could never have predicted. i like life better when things happen that i don't expect, even if they are a little unfortunate, the kind of ( Read more... )

i've always envied the movie flashback; my mind just doesn't work like that. sometimes i think i've spent so much of my life recording details because so little really stays with me. when i reflect, i remember loose outlines of situations, people, places, all heavily shaded by retrospective emotion. i place little faith in my ability to accurately ( Read more... )