Dear Flist you know what today is? It's my BIRTHDAYYYYYYYY! As such, you are all required to write me letters as a character please and thank you
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Officer Reporting: Head Detective Carlton Lassiter
Received call regarding public disturbance, loud singing, signs of possible arson at approximately 9:49 pm at a non-specific residence in Teh Interwebs neighborhood on Santa Barbara's upper nonside.
Arrived to find approx. EVERYONE JODIE HAY KNOWS gathered around a delicious frosted confectionary, performing PUBLIC DOMAIN BIRTHDAY MELODY at sufficient volume to be heard in Great Britain. (Not sure why they're still calling it great 200+ years after Washington Lassiter and a few of his pals proved conclusively otherwise, but that's a rant for another report.) Candle flames accounted for witness report of smoke, fire.
Decided not to issue citations for wasting police time, just this once.
Will also point out, for the record, that according to article 9, section vii of the SBPD handbook, enjoying a single offered piece of celebratory cake does NOT constitute accepting a bribe. No, Spencer, not even when the cake contains an ice cream filling.
This eye screem filling you say, could it possibly have been... A MIND CONTROLLING SUBSTANCE? You are to report for testing immediately if not you will be arrested. If you are arrested you have the rights to the remains of a silent attorney. Do you understand?
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Officer Reporting: Head Detective Carlton Lassiter
Received call regarding public disturbance, loud singing, signs of possible arson at approximately 9:49 pm at a non-specific residence in Teh Interwebs neighborhood on Santa Barbara's upper nonside.
Arrived to find approx. EVERYONE JODIE HAY KNOWS gathered around a delicious frosted confectionary, performing PUBLIC DOMAIN BIRTHDAY MELODY at sufficient volume to be heard in Great Britain. (Not sure why they're still calling it great 200+ years after Washington Lassiter and a few of his pals proved conclusively otherwise, but that's a rant for another report.) Candle flames accounted for witness report of smoke, fire.
Decided not to issue citations for wasting police time, just this once.
Will also point out, for the record, that according to article 9, section vii of the SBPD handbook, enjoying a single offered piece of celebratory cake does NOT constitute accepting a bribe. No, Spencer, not even when the cake contains an ice cream filling.
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Dear Detective Lassiter,
This eye screem filling you say, could it possibly have been... A MIND CONTROLLING SUBSTANCE? You are to report for testing immediately if not you will be arrested. If you are arrested you have the rights to the remains of a silent attorney. Do you understand?
Tough Noogies!
Inspector Crais (of the patent red pumps)
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