Oh jeez, rereading my last entry is almost funny. Yes, in the moment, I was very upset with how things ended up with the casting for the Boston show. Fortunately, before I went to bed I channeled some Alyssa Edwards...


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I'm going to start this post with some good news, I finally feel like myself for the first time in over four months. I'm finally able to do cardio like I did before I got sick and it doesn't completely exhaust me. I can do handstands and they feel like friends again, frenemies sometimes, but not like the hateful beings they had become. My body and ( Read more... )

Ahhh the creation and rehearsal process continues. There have been so many changes(still) to the show and to my acts. The last few day have been a bit of a nightmare, actually Saturday was a full out nightmare. I've felt so stressed, frustrated and defeated. My day off yesterday was spent in a state of anxiety and tears. Today was better but still ( Read more... )

I got through another week at Taboo. I've been spending most of my day off being ridiculously lazy, laying in bed reading. Emotionally things have been up and down this week, I've been going from moments of excitement for the work to intense feelings of loneliness and insecurity. Those feelings are the hardest. I've been doing my best integrating ( Read more... )

I had a big ol post written up and then the internet I was on crapped out and I lost all but the first three sentences. Since time is short all I can say right now is that I live a crazy life sometimes and it leaves me excited, scared and very grateful. Interesting things are happening and I can't wait to tell write all about it soon :)

You are not going to impress the world. Not everyone is going to love you or even like you. You can only be who you are and focus on what's important.

It is scary when one in same profession dies doing what they love. It makes you feel incredibly vulnerable, especially when the show you are currently doing contains a lot more dangerous possibilities than you are used to. It reminds you that you are mortal and the profession you have chosen, while fulfilling in ways you can not begin to express, ( Read more... )

We have something crazy like 25 days left until this contract is over. 25 more days and I get to leave Korea and return to the US, that magical place where they have things like avocados and soft beds. I am so excited. I'll get to see Jon, my sister, my mom and dad, my kitties. I'll get to see my nephew who could barely focus his eyes when I left ( Read more... )

I had a meltdown today during training. My inability to hold a handstand is what set it off. I'm trying to become a handbalancer, I'm auditioning to get into an elite school and I can't even hold a handstand. It was too much. The feeling of failing, the overwhelming sense that I can't do this took me down. I couldn't get past it, I couldn't hold ( Read more... )

Two days consisting of 9 hours of physical theater is too much. Especially when they scheduled it Thursday in place of classes and Members Only time so you don't get a chance to train. For a group of physically motivated circus people, spending six hours one day doing a physically minimal but emotionally draining discipline is slightly torturous. I ( Read more... )