Archer has officially slaughtered every old song that I've ever loved. Baking cookies will never be the same.

The kind of  dim, grey days that we have in Los Angeles are sickening and depressing--there is a smoggy, thick quality to the air that is even more apparent when it's not a clear day, and the light glows yellow along with grey. I hate it. I keep reminding myself that I'm happy, because I feel, with this weather, I am liable to forget. I am happy ( Read more... )

looking at people's past lives and old identities is both disconcerting and mildly upsetting. even if their old identities are acceptable; even if you may have even liked their old persona, if you had been given the chance to know them, there is always something upsetting about it. maybe you wonder if you know a lesser version. even if you're sure ( Read more... )

i need to re-earn my friends.
i need to re-learn my friends.
i need to cheer up.
i need to aim low.
i need to start some work.
i need to find the time to rest.
i need to fix the world.
i need to end some things that are nothing but destructive.
there is so much to fix. there is so. much. to fix.
i need a hug.
i need to be more proactive.
i need to be more ( Read more... )

i realized today that life is going to have plenty of this. i remember talking to ms. wintermeyer in september, and she told me that she was watching all of her friends get married and have children, and that she was depressed because she wasn't necessarily lonely, but was alone and couldn't see that in her immediate future. it's not that this is ( Read more... )

this was made into something with awesome weight and importance. this was made into something with lasting impact; something life-altering in the biggest sense of the word. and, you know what? i'm still left with my doubts. and such emphasis was put on this that i'm re-thinking and overthinking, when, really, nothing can be completely certain until ( Read more... )

i fucking hate this shit ( Read more... )

I'm off to the states of Vermont, New York, and Illinois. I do not have the Elizabeth Bishop book that I've been promising myself I'd buy for a good six consecutive months, nor do I have an iPod or walkman in full working order. I do, however, have a knot in my stomach that just won't kick,  a broken, hurting soul, and a plethora of bug bites from ( Read more... )

I was proud for about a day, and now my achievement has been minimized to nearly nothing and I feel unappreciated and way less accomplished than I did at first. Fuck. It's unfair, but I'll get over it.

On a happier note: I love my friends, sometimes. Ryan cheers me up immensely. Oh, and Jade got into Reed and Lewis and Clark. Hee.

absurdly long day. smelly car and dirty shoes and tired tired brain. but. um. guess who got into college? in a good city with a good scholarship? ellie diddd! i may not go there. but. at least i know that i have an option other than failure! yeep ( Read more... )