the days are long and gray

[sexybarbarella]

i am saddened by my marital situation. it's as though we are against each other, not at all on the same side of the fence. i am not going to regress to the anxiety-ridden panic attack state i was in a little over a year ago. but i know i have to make a change to prevent that from happening. i am stronger now, granted, but i am not going to allow my

Comments

[sexybarbarella]

in addition...i am leaving a comment instead of editing, i know i have a huge part in this. before, i'd just take whatever he said...listening to it, forget it. now i am more on edge, more sassy. ha. i am coming off the zoloft in 3 steps over 2 months. i am down to half the dose i was taking. aside from my anxiety, it helped me stay more mellow i think. i feel more hot-headed, more like me. i don't like that lil temper i have but i just feel angst inside...resentment, jealousy, bitterness. some things i need to work on. i have a hard time w/ the gray areas too, they send me in a whirl-wind of confusion. i like black and white, but i realize that's not how life is. i just want to transform and grow into a wiser person now, with patience and stability, but like james's growth, i know it all takes time. i think my biggest fear is not having a good family life for my children. which i know they have more than most, but like all kids, i want them to have the best. not the most toys, but the most unconditional love and support. i want them

[felinalunekavi]

that sass...use it. you deserve it. it's yours, and you're owning your feelings. i'm not saying fuel the fire, just saying stand up to his bullshit. because really, it's all bullshit...it's not real (the disorder is real, but not the shit it spews out onto others, it's just a nasty and stupid side-effect). and if it continues to get worse, there will be no way around it. if he doesn't like your life's direction, tell him to stop pulling you down with him. if he can't handle a messy house from time to time, tell him he can have it all to himself again to realize it's better filled than empty. tell him to stop picking everything apart that you thought he wanted to keep together. CALL HIM ON HIS BULLSHIT. he'll be angry and yelling an whatnot at first...but when he gets it you'll know...it's going to make him break down and cry. don't push anything at that point. let him THINK...because that's what he needs to remember how to do.

[tv_casualty13]

the kids are being crazy so i can't really talk right now..i just want you to know you are capable of getting to that place of happiness, with or without him...you are not useless and you need to be made to feel important and that your life is of importance...i'm babbling cuz my mind is over with the kids, lol...i just love you, hon...we can talk more later hopefully