K, I've liked this guy for quite some time, though I never really noticed it until now, b/c I've been seeing so much of him lately. So, everytime we hang out, I'm trying to get to that date place, where you really like each other and then you start dating. And, everytime we hang out, all these girls come up to me and are like" Oh my god, hook me ( Read more... )

So, I was writing on the train home and want to type what I got b/c things are a little frustrating now. Not b/c life is stil hectic but because no one will let me taste happiness.....let me explain ( Read more... )

So, I went to my first ever bonfire last night. "But didn't you grow up in Stockton?" Oh, for sure, but I was the nerdy kid who thought about going, but got much more excited to watch jeopardy and then snuggle in bed while reading Frankenstein. So...I went, and it was cold, and it was wonderful. I had many a firsts last night, let me tell you. ( Read more... )

I re-read my last entry and noticed that there was a big flag in there : suicide. So, here's the deal, I could never actually do it to myself. I might accidently walk in front of a bus so that I am quite hurt, but this is an extremely far-fetched plan. One, if I did so, I wouldn't graduate, and I think I would have to haunt every university ever ( Read more... )

I've decided I am the pendulum of my own life. Waht does that mean, exactly....well, that I shift and change as does a pendulum, I suppose. I'm just not sure what to feel, I think. Like, I thought there might be some hope in my ever-depressing situation, where I need another job to be able to keep my sanity. But, today, that all ended. The ( Read more... )

I cried yesterday night. I cried like there was no ttomorrow, like I had a disease that could not be cured, that I knew somehow, that my life was going to end horrbily. And, it was great. honestly ( Read more... )

I've decided I'm going through my mid-life crisis, which brings about sadness on two levels. One, that my life might only be 44 years if I'm having a mid-life crisis now. And, two, that despite the early onset of this crisis, I have no time to "find myself" or go on a spiritual journey. I'm sure squeezing it in between classes is cheating. That' ( Read more... )

Continuing my last entry ( Read more... )

so...life is not going my way at the moment. Yes, this is supposed to make you stronger, but I'm feeling like there is no winning, no chance to get ahead. Does this mean I'm depressed? I'm not sure. Does this mean I'm fed up? Don't know. I exhale a lot, like I'm very exasperated. I feel like I'm dealing with a lot, though if you asked me ( Read more... )

This is some exciting news. Ashley and I are planning a trip together; I know...big steps here. Not only will we be flying out of the country, but she has also dealt nicely with my OCD; I love her. So, I think we will have a kickass time. Yes, it may be a little early to be planing Spring break, but I'm very excited. I've never left California ( Read more... )