utter disaster, shambles, ruins is a brief description of my life currently. as we speak i am forced to pace around  planning to further ignore the shit ive got myself into now. MONEY,  why are you fucking my life up? i owe this... im short this... i borrow this... i get this...deficiency, negative, nothing. stress causes me to hide in denial while ( Read more... )

over the passed week ive had to define my view of relationships and what is it that i want.  i told both unpotentials that either a emotional or a physical bond must exist.  to me the emotional side needs commitment and attachment whereas the physical acts on impulse, connecting through pleasure.  through experience ive come to accept that im ( Read more... )

so it turns out saunders left a little of her poison behind with another coworker. with not much to be said, i have found out and am furious. cyn tells me that he told her this private info about me, which makes no fucking sense cuz he doesnt even know me. theres much to be said about him but about her, why would u believe someone else. some people ( Read more... )

Its strange how i have 2 girls jocking me and no potential guys but its not a total devastation.  cie is pretty cool but cyn really has my attention; what to do about that? Eat me? yowsers! She has a girlfried and is ready to give it up for me. WAIT! i told her i wasnt serious about girls and i only like to kiss and then make them cry.  dont set ( Read more... )

is everyone nuts or is it just me. i feel like one of the group then im a total outcast (of course my choice) but i have hopes i will soon receive the joys ive been missing. winter session starts in a month and then i will get back the meaning in my life, whatever it means if youre without it, you will definately notice.

Why are you so sad?  I always see you smiling; nothing in the world is ever that bad.

i believe he likes everything about her except for me. This isnt the first time i couldnt smile and wont be the last, i'll be like this without any reason. actually there's plenty of bad (in the world) which randomly disrupts the currents in my stream thru life.  ( Read more... )

because of the whole incedent last tuesday,  i had an emergency appt on thursday.   im aware that my body is adjusting without the presence of drugs, but more anxious to learn why i lost control of myself in total fear of what i still dont know.  i explained my fall out and he followed with a series of questions which led to the explanation that ( Read more... )

im not sure how to summarize the fuckin day i just had; so here we go. ive been taking a medication that ive taken before 2 years ago and all of the sudden i freak out at work and imagine being attacked by spiders and see all eyes on me acting weird. i tried to play off my paranoia but it only became worse as i got extremely nervous around anyone ( Read more... )

Its been 12 days of complete clarity and I dont know what to do, I know what I should do and that is to continue.  But now Ive run into the person I used to be and forgot about and now am confused.  To be straight requires medication, Im not sure if Im making any sense.

"FORGIVE YOURSELF"