i was slaped in the face today... and i had to make a huge choice... and still everything worked out find... my whole life is going to change... and hopefully for the better... i hope everything will be perfect... all i know is i love my boy... and he loves me... and we have something beautiful... and we will be okay... i was so scared... but now ( Read more... )

same shit different day... i have to ficnish all my work before tomorrow 1 pm... and it sucks ... because i dont feel good and im tired... and im lazy... so i know ill get it done... its what i do... even if i have to be up all night and then go to turn in the work ... and then come home and crash... and sleep untill next thursday... and ill start ( Read more... )

okay well im back .. and alittle better.. .not much though.. im still lost ... and only wish for my pride and hope and soul back... people took a huge piece of me that i will never get back... and just forcing myself to do these things is only making it worse.. its always been my fault... the way i acted.. the way i talked.. the way i dressed... it ( Read more... )

im sitting here thinking about the point of life again... and wondering why i am living ... i have no reason to live on this earth... i cant help any one... the people i helped i was trying to help myself ... and ended up helping them as well ... and they think i am a saint and its not true... i cant handle not being able to trust people with my ( Read more... )

okay anyways ... i am a boring person... i dont know... i was reading some of my friends LJ's and i am boring compared to these people... i talk about all this boring shit... i dont know... maybe if i start talking about funny shit more people will be reading my LJ's...but actually i dont care... i guess i write in the journal just to get my mind ( Read more... )

so i am updating again... nothing much has happened... ive lost something truely dear to me... and i dont know when i am going to get it back... i watched it get thrown away ... with no regrets ... and now i am suppose to act like it was never taken... that i never lost it... ? its not quite trust ... yet ... i dont know what it is... i cant feel ( Read more... )

i guess i have been busy and sick... not really interested in updating... i started writing in my RL journal... so that has helped me... i guess i decided to write in my LJ today because i am alittle upset... its no big deal..and i am sure i will be okay... im always okay... well here is what has happened to me.. since the last time i updated... i ( Read more... )

i went shoping again... it was okay.. guess.. i dont know... i could stop thinking of my boy... i was so happy today... i was smiling... and everything... yeah the only thing that killed it .. is my mother took my new clothes ... :( but i got over that... and i have another 200 dollars to finish shoping for clothes... maybe ill go tomorrow... i ( Read more... )

i think i am the happiest i have ever been... i am smiling and im happy and i love it... it doesnt even matter why... i just am... and that is the best thing ever... i truely am happy... i put others before me and i dont mind.. im only looking to make him happy... i want to be by his side... trust him.. love him... be with him... tell him my ( Read more... )

why are people like... this so blind to what they need to see... why cant people notice the important things... why is it so hard for them... is it me... is it them... i dont understand... i feel so bad now... i wish it never happened... as much as i love this feeling... its cause more pain then anything else... maybe it would be better for ( Read more... )