So, I got my first letter from him on December 7th. I read it and cried. A few quotes: "I miss you like crazy" "I've been thinking if you wanna come with me I can make it happen" <--referring to moving with him when he gets stationed somewhere and my favorite part ---> "Now that you're gone I guess I realized I really do love you ( Read more... )

So, when I worry, I really worry. I'm dating this GREAT guy who has the world at his feet. He's smart, handsome, funny, etc. Although our relationship has gotten deeper than it was at the beginning, I still feel shadowed by his love for his ex-fiance. They broke it off in July and I'm nothing like her. She's spontaneous and confident and funny ( Read more... )

I don't want to talk about it...maybe some day I'll write it all down ( Read more... )

Well, I was wrong to an extent. My phone rang at 5am on Monday night and it was one of Jake's friends. Jake got into some trouble with the law and drinking and he and his buddy needed picked up from the police station. I dragged myself out of bed and left to get them. Jake calls me while I'm on the way and apologizes for waking me up and such ( Read more... )

Jake came over last night to get his things for his fight.  I wore his favorite outfit and did my hair in his favorite way.  He pulled up at about 7:15pm and got out of his car and looked at me.  His face lit up the way that it always used to... He said, "What did I tell you about looking cute?"  I replied, "Well, I figure this might be the last ( Read more... )

So, at 1:30pm I thought I finally cracked. I thought that I had finally lost it and went insane. My phone rang and it was playing "Save a horse, ride a cowboy" by Big & Rich. That song only plays when Jake calls me. I thought I was imagining it. I thought "Dear Lord, I've finally lost it. I'm hallucinating." I picked up my phone and lo and ( Read more... )

So, I'm becoming more and more convinced that I won't hear from Jake before Wednesday, July 13th (the day that I told myself I would call him if I don't hear from him before.) It's not because of anything that has happened. I'm becoming more and more convinced of this because I've been thinking of his personality, his fears, his way of handling ( Read more... )

Here's something new to introduce into this whole thought process ( Read more... )

Today is Friday. The last time I called Jake (or anyone in his family for that matter) was Tuesday. After that first phone call that I wrote about, I continued to go crazy all day. I wrote that last entry and then continued to feel like exploding. Finally, I broke down again and called Jake's phone at about 5:30 or 6pm. It wasn't on and went ( Read more... )

Here I am again. Freaking out again. I feel like there is a giant knot in my chest and it's making me nauseous. I could use some kind of relaxer... like Xanax or Prozac or SOMETHING to make me calm down! I feel like screaming down the streets with my arms in the air until something changes. I feel like pulling my hair out and sobbing until the ( Read more... )