i know that no one reads any of my journals or anything but i have things that i need to say. and i also have the urge to publicly broadcast them apparently ( Read more... )

i guess i left because i felt like i didn't belong sometimes.
what on earth will i go back to?

" Absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones, as the wind blows out the candle and fans the bonfire." -Francois de La Rouchefoucauld

one time, abby told me
"i think that sometimes the universe draws us to where we belong."
now when i'm looking out my hotel window in london with all the buildings sitting on one another i kinda think she was right. i don't feel enclosed so much as i feel...
surrounded.
i think this feels right.

he won't see aly walk at graduation
or walk lauren down the aisle.
he wasn't here to give peter a big high five and make him breakfast on his 6th birthday.
he won't be able to hold lynn's hand when they meet their first grandchild.
and i'll never be able to thank him for being the father i could turn to when i couldn't bear to look at my own.
and ( Read more... )

Breathe in and out, in and out.
Thud, thud, thud, thud.
One foot in front of the other.
Eyes open, eyes shut.
Lay down, look around, analyze.
In and out, in and out.
Thud, thud, thud, thud.
Empty bed, no new messages.
Eyes open, eyes shut.

i have too much to be praying for and too much preservation to beg for to skip mass again.

tonight i decided that i'm pretty.
and i don't give a fuck if you think differently.

so i got my acceptance letter and on January 5 I will be leaving for Ormskirk, Lancashire.
i am terrified.
but someday soon, im going to be too old for adventures.
i'm going to have to worry about a career and a family and bills.
but god, i am ready to get out of here.
this day to day life is wearing me down to the bone.

"you never felt jealousy, did you, miss eyre? of course not; i need not ask; because you never felt love. you have both sentiments yet to experience; your soul sleeps, the shock has yet to be given which shall awaken it."