my horrorscope: let someone else be proactive.

but,
but mom!!!!!!!
we don't know how to just let things go!!

you know that saying 'a watched pot never boils'?
well,
fuck if you can get me to stop watching the pot.

How do you convince someone of how much you love them? How do you tell them how much they mean to you? How do you hold onto someone who wants to run away? It's not something fleeting. It's not something superficial. I gave him my very last inch. If he were to run away with it... wordless ( Read more... )

is there some small artery i can cut, which supplies the blood flow to my feelings?
why do you do this to me?
why do I care?
i've come to expect unexpected absences.
but i forgot to not make them hurt.

Shaking like a dog shittin' razorblades ( Read more... )

The other night, after somewhat quietly swallowing my anger at the tirade of anti-vegan comments (it was supposed to be funny...right), and half the blatherites left for home, it was sven, airn, and i sitting on the couch in some early morning stupor (like now). i ended up telling stories airn didn't yet know of ('it's a long story') about the ( Read more... )

i feel myself falling into the temptation of nothing.
doing nothing.
eating nothing.
hiding in bed.
but we can't have two of us depressed. and i know that if i fall down now things will get ugly. but i can't find it in me...

I wish I knew what to do for my Sven. I know how it feels to feel how he's feeling. Everything seems horrible when you know that it's not. You almost want to feel worse just so you can feel better than worst. Life seems just so HARD and impossible. You can't be reasonable. You really want to feel ok, but you can't ( Read more... )

(dies ( Read more... )

no sleep
at all
ever
crazy
shaking
why?
why worse again?

Long time no typey as the kids say. Somehow I just can't believe that no one had found this and so I'm unable to be open in it. I should just write in my paper journal, but I haven't felt possessed to write much of anything lately, admittedly. It seems like I have enough email and human communication going on to fill a goat, as the kids say. Of ( Read more... )