When people who know me ask how I am, they have no expectation to hear that I'm fine.
When I was a kid people would always ask me why I was unhappy.
I'm so fucking tired of being myself.
I will smile to the world until my face breaks.
I'm doing great, how are you?

Intentaba a dormir cuando comencé a pensar en espanol. Por muchas dias antes, tenía apuro recordando cosas. Cosas como nombres y numeros de telefono. Ahora puedo recordar el número de la mama de Katie. Pues, tengo recodar los ultimos cuatro numeros cada día, pero los principios son 297 ( Read more... )

I feel like I'm using a different operating system than everyone else. We're speaking different languages. Their logic seems like a misaimed pool shot. It seems I appear the same to them.

the planets must be fucked. as usual, everyone seems to be in a bad place all at once ( Read more... )

all i want is to just stop
stop thinking
stop feeling
stop wondering
stop hurting
i hate this
i hate this

today.
whatever.
why do i bother?

I cried for awhile after I got off the phone. Then... i don't remember. Eating. Making a martini. Drinking it, dub narcotic sounds system vs jon spencer blues explosion. Painting. Only getting the background. New canvas. Don't care that it fell. Don't care about the hairs. Don't care because that makes me feel better. Oh yes ( Read more... )

Yo siento diaryish today. Things came to a point that I was expecting them to all week. I'm not even sure if they would have, if I hadn't wanted to give things some sort of concrete assesment. But it's easier for me. Less thinking about what I am and am not allowed to do. And there obviously needs to be personal reconciling time ( Read more... )

whoa nelly! it's been awhile. hi, my name is miss alyssa. i am going to school to learn how to be a teacher. i don't believe in capitalization, not unless i'm correcting your papers. i want to make food now before i finish off this whole bag of chips.

the thing is the audience. the whole typing to myself thing just doesn't work for me right

ARRRRRRGHHHHHHH. Either I don't sleep or I take sleeping pills. Last night I took a sedative but I had to meditate myself to sleep. I've been trying to write in my paper journal but I've discovered that as this point I type a lot quicker than i can write ( Read more... )