2006.
I'm not sure how I feel about it. It brought tremendous anger, self consciousness, pain, confusion, distrust, stress, anxiety, alcoholism, lack of motivation, self loathing, and also relief.
Huge relief.

I want all of that to go away tonight, with the exception of the relief. It's time to grow up I think.

Self doubt so great it scares me

Blah blah blah

Who am I?

Blah blah blah

I can't stop myself from doing stupid things I told myself I wouldnt do because I wanted to change

blah
blah

Christmas eve is tomorrow

HURRAH HURRAH HURRAH!

My Christmas celebration tonight was really really good too.

Sometimes the feeling of doubt is so immense and so great, it overwhelms me and leaves me completely helpless to deal with it.

Sometimes I can't handle any type of relationship. I mean I can, I'm just afraid to.

Why do I have to fly
over every town up and down the line?
I'll die in the clouds aboveand you that I defend, I do not love ( Read more... )

What am I to anybody?
But a figment of your imagination.

I swear to god there is a part of me I cannot explain

That I've never been able to explain to anyone

And it would probably impress you if I could

I swear this feels like spinning plates

Still.

Life is really amazing
Things happen
Because they need to

And god knows why
Or how they should be

But I just hope that people who need to know what is obvious
And not make the same mistake I made

You can trust someone with everything you have
But that might never be enough
And you know what?

That wasn't my fault.

Help

I thought I thought highly of you.

I'm sick of pretending and being embarassed and being crushed and being forgotten and being erased and being left and being overlooked and being spoken over and being blown off.
How did I get here?