FOOD JOURNAL

[sheisisabelle]

I decided to take my food journal ive been keeping for the past four months and put it online.
From paper to virtual, welcome to my chaos.

cont...

October 27th
-Saltines (10) 120cal
-slice cheese (2) 120cal
-powdered soup (1) 50cal
-diet soda
-carrots (6oz) 90cal
Total: 380cal

Exercise:
Eliptical Trainer 4miles, 35min, 400cal burned
Situps 100

Comments

[sheisisabelle]

I dont know if I have a true "goal" calorie intake. Basically my rule is that its under 300, and I'd like it to be closer to 200 or less. Exercise is a must. Unfortunately, I'll cut (like with a knife) if I dont exercise or if I go over 300cal (which I havent in a while). And with the restriction, I have an obsessive controlling voice in my head that doesnt allow me to go over.

This is my second time relapsing since treatment in 2001, and this one is pretty extreme.

No, I dont mind at all that you posted or that you want to be my friend :D

[sheisisabelle]

Well, its a lot of work, and Im pretty crazy in my head most of the time...the sad thing is that I think even 300cal is too much for me. I see myself slowly getting worse and worse (meaning, Im trying to restrict more or exercise more...ive added laxatives, I now take caffeine pills)...it just fucking never ends...you know?

Glad to have someone to talk to :)

[iwanttobe_thin]

I'm really impressed with your determination to stick to the numbers everyday, for 2 months! How did you do it? How do you avoid the cravings and the social dinners?

[sheisisabelle]

IDK, I hate myself enough to say I dont deserve to eat. I have thoughts of cravings, but I just dont. Im not sure how to explain it.

Its easy to avoid social dinners, Im busy, I work full-time, most of my friends have lives of their own, so I feel pretty alone most of the time anyway. Or, some people know that Im starving myself, so they've stopped asking me to come along.

[iwanttobe_thin]

I really don't know how you do it. Just last night, I couldn't resist donuts in thek kitchen and ate 2! I was craving for sweet food so badly and ate them although it was past 12am.

Is it tough for you to stay at home and miss these dinners while you know your friends are having fun out there? It must be really lonely.. I am having a dinner with classmates I haven't seen for a long time. Part of me knows I should skip it because I know I will eat. But then, I really want to join and not appear as anti-social.

[sheisisabelle]

Well, lets be honest here, Im heading to inpatient treatment on 12/24 because Ive now lost 50lbs in just over four months and dropped below 85% of my IBW, no period, osteopenia, low HR...so, I know it looks as though I have dedicated willpower, but its leading me to my grave.

Perhaps it would have done me some good to have a binge here or there or to go out to dinners...IDK.

Its not a fun disease, nor would I wish it on anyone else, so I hope you take care of yourself!