i couldnt think of a title. but it fits.
fml. cause thats how i feel it is, a big fuck up.
I swear like a sailor, its not going to change, no offense to your god or higher power.

Im tired of people, im tired of life, im tired of looking at myself in the mirror. I actually have been able to avoid them for two days. but i can still feel my skin and ( Read more... )

I am so fucking frustrated right now. So, I start up this conversation with him, casual, how's the day, how's the life. Then the inevitable, 'well how are you". Hmm, do I be honest? Because last time I lied he was upset, and when I was honest he seemed supportive. Plus, if he had even taken one second to look at other things he would know things ( Read more... )

I knew it would come again. Fuck it going away. So here we begin again, the journal of my punishment, accomplishments, and general sadistic behavior. Familiar.

( Food Journal '09 )

This is a day that is in a spiral. Fuck it. Its a day that is a fall straight fucking down.

Emails that I dont understand, flirtations from a man who is with another person. Someone who is fucking sane, who probably never had an issue in her life.

But yet, he sends me sentences, that suggest and remind, that flashback to the smiles and the nervous ( Read more... )

At it again. Well, I never really stopped I guess.

The time is right, it came to me today, that I need to go back down that path, that Isabelle is right, again. I know its right this time.

The blood clots so much faster now, must be because Im so much fatter than before. Fuck.

I'll be back soon.

Well Im back from Renfrew. I must say it was an amazing and crazy 9 weeks in inpatient treatment. The first week was a blur, the second week I just wanted to leave, and the third week made me wonder if I had made the right decision to come. BUT after that everything improved and Im glad I went. Its a bit crazy coming back into "real" life, but I'll ( Read more... )

 Im off to Renfrew for INpatient. Wish me luck!

Interpretation...such an appropriate description. Since everything that comes through my eyes and ears goes through 
interpretation
interrogation
scrupulation
repeat....
over and over again. Recalling the phrase, the intonation, the words. Each word. The way it was said, how the eyes looked, how the body shifted. So many variable, so many ( Read more... )

Eating Disorder Survey

*The Basics*
Name:: "isabelle" (like I'd tell you my real name!)
Sex:: female
Birthday:: Oct
Age:: 29
Location:: Seattle
Hair Color:: Brown
Eye Color:: Blue

*My Eating Disorder*
What Eating Disorders Do You Have:: anorexia, specifically purging anorexia (restriction, purging via exercise)
How Long Have You Had Them:: Started when I was ( Read more... )

 
Well, I wont say it was a waste of a session, but it sure wasnt helpful. I slept through the damn alarm and was late. What the fuck? Seriously.And I was completely out of gas, heading on fumes down to the gas station to put six bucks in to make it to Seattle.

Got there only ten minutes late, ran a red light (so God if you read this Im sorry....or ( Read more... )