Re: Unnamed one-shot TW: Major Character deaths
anonymous
February 5 2013, 00:40:56 UTC
It reads more like an outline of a fic than a fic to me, honestly. It doesn't really go anywhere and there's nothing especially dynamic. You're telling us all of these things that have happened, but they aren't interesting in and of themselves. We don't read stories only to know what happens in the end, but how characters get there and how events unfold along the way.
There's nothing wrong with the actual story arc, but written in this format, where each sentence is practically a bullet point, it's very flat.
Why don't you try taking the scene with Sherlock in the morgue and fleshing it out, either from Sherlock's point of view, or from Molly's POV with her observing him? Throw in some dialogue, describe the scenery, talk about the things seeing John there makes Sherlock think of, etc. Don't just tell us---show us.
Fawnlock 1/2
anonymous
February 8 2013, 17:00:28 UTC
This was written as a fill for the kink meme that's had no comments. I'd like to know if it's just that crap.
TW: Consent IssuesA fawn's penis is the ultimate aphrodisiac, the only thing known to cure even the most persistent case of impotence. So rare and difficult find that a man can live a life of luxury on the proceeds of one sale or buy his sister out of servitude
( ... )
Fawnlock 2/2
anonymous
February 8 2013, 17:01:32 UTC
"Please," John begged, not sure if he was asking for more or for it to stop as the fawn proved rather more apt than John would have thought a beast capable of. Bringing him fully to hardness and distracting him so thoroughly he didn't notice his trousers being removed until they tangled around his boots and the fawns fingers danced over his balls and further back to run around the tight entrance. Gasping John's eyes flickered closed under the fawn's piercing gaze and fingers pushed hard against his lips. Encouraging him to suck them, let them slide in and out of his mouth in a parody of the fucking he so desperately wanted. He moaned deeply against them bucking up against the impressively large cock pressing against his stomach until the fingers were pulled from his mouth and roughly pushed inside of him. The pain welcome after the teasing and the fizzing edge of pleasure making him push down. Fighting to fuck himself on their invading presence and imagine the far greater invasion of the fawn's cock
( ... )
Re: Fawnlock 2/2
anonymous
February 14 2013, 05:38:46 UTC
I really like the set up and the world building is fun. I thought maybe the sex was a bit rushed perhaps, maybe needed more contextualising/build up, but then that is partly personal preference on my part.
2 inferior Sha Huibang head 3 strong as before eye of category of ball of Chinese army group gives p
anonymous
May 6 2013, 16:42:18 UTC
Two second-rate Sha Huibang mind Three or more powerful since prior to eyesight associated with class of soccer ball associated with Chinese language military team offers reward
( ... )
Comments 251
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There's nothing wrong with the actual story arc, but written in this format, where each sentence is practically a bullet point, it's very flat.
Why don't you try taking the scene with Sherlock in the morgue and fleshing it out, either from Sherlock's point of view, or from Molly's POV with her observing him? Throw in some dialogue, describe the scenery, talk about the things seeing John there makes Sherlock think of, etc. Don't just tell us---show us.
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TW: Consent IssuesA fawn's penis is the ultimate aphrodisiac, the only thing known to cure even the most persistent case of impotence. So rare and difficult find that a man can live a life of luxury on the proceeds of one sale or buy his sister out of servitude ( ... )
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Over all nicely written though :)
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