[Public]

[shethrewstones]

My parents' marriage was a sham.

I lost everything I knew.
If the love between them wasn't real, then anything I felt wasn't real.

I used to go out when I was fifteen/sixteen and sleep with guys just to feel something.
But I can't feel anything.

I'm not real.

And I hate everyone who can be happy.
Because I can't be.

I'm not real, not real. Not. Real.
I'm

Comments

[shethrewstones]

FUCK

FUCK WHY IS THIS HERE.
FUCK WHY DID I WRITE IT?!

FUCK GET AWAY

WHY WONT IT

[shethrewstones]

FUCK EVERYTHING

FUCK

[burkethejerk]

It's done this before. It'll stop eventually and then you can get rid of it, but there's no doing anything about it until then.

[Locked.]

[There's a long pause between the first part being written and the second.]

Look, you don't have to let your family define you. Whatever you came from -- doesn't change the fact that you're here.

[shethrewstones]

FUCK

FUCKING CHICAGO

[Locked]

It's a fucking horrible fucking thing to be here. What's the point when I came from that?!

[Locked.]

[burkethejerk]

The point is that you're here, whether you want to be or not. You can't go back and change that.

Maybe you feel like you're not, but you are real, and you are alive, and I'm hoping you don't plan on changing that any time soon.

I don't know what your family is like. I don't know how bad things got for you. But I do know that you don't have to be a part of it forever, and that you're more than your family. You turn eighteen, you never have to speak to your family again, you can change your name and walk away and be your own person apart from them

You can be your own person now. Might not be easy, but you can.

You're not your parents. What your parents are, what they felt or did, whether or not they should ever have had kids is irrelevant. They did.

[shethrewstones]

[Locked]

[It takes her a long, long while to answer. She's been off fighting with Leon. Her handwriting's terrible. It's hard to write with hurt hands. Her replies are short and... not very nice. Sorry, Peter.]

what you mean kill myself
dont be so fucking stupid peter
i wouldnt do shit like that.
fuck no.

but dont worry
getting out of this shit as soon as i can

or whatever

[locked]

[theacheisleft]

I felt like my parents marriage was a sham before too.

I don't know what happened exactly, and I know it's hard to believe, but you don't have to be defined by them or their actions.

Once you acknowledge that it doesn't, it gets easier. It might still be fears that you have, but it can get better and you can feel again.

[locked]

[shethrewstones]

Mine was a fucking sham. Actually really was.

How the fuck do I do that? For over thirteen years my fucking dad forced my mum to love him. Fuck I just

I can't

I just can't

[locked]

[theacheisleft]

Sometimes our fathers make terrible decisions. Sometimes they're not good people, but it doesn't mean that what you feel was a sham too. It doesn't mean that what you feel is a sham either.

You aren't them.

You are not your father. You are not your mother.

That's how you don't be defined it. Believe me, I understand better than you know, but your father's sins don't mean that you are a sin. You can choose to be whoever it is that you want to be.

[locked]

[shethrewstones]

[sdkjfhkj Lucky. Part of her wants to believe this, but she knows in her head that she feels it's just not the case. Being told that she's not what she feels to be isn't something she's going to easily process.

She can be stubborn in her ways sometimes.]

fuck I just

alright whatever. yeah. fine.

this is so fucked up

[caughtwithin]

Hey, we just met on the sidewalk or whatever. I'm not really good at the talking thing, but if you want to hang out sometime?

I'm good at that.

[shethrewstones]

Yeah.

That'd be good. Y'know. Yeah.

The hanging out will involve alcohol. You fine with that?

[And if you aren't, she'll ignore it.]

[caughtwithin]

More than fine with it.

Underage drinking isn't really a thing in Chicago.

There's a lot worse that we could be doing. I think it's necessary to deal with the stuff. Where do you want to hang out? You could come over to my house. My dad's not around.

[shethrewstones]

Thank fuck for that.

[You have proved some level of cool to her, Seth. Well done? :x]

Sure, yeah. Parents need to get fucking lost right now. So, yeah.