Twilight! 13
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TWILIGHT
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
EDWARD: *sparkles*
A PAUSE: *is needed*
EDWARD: ... *sparkles*
BELLA: *extra dazzled*
EDWARD: *FREAKING SPARKLES WHAT THE FUCK*
BELLA: Oh Edward you are just too beautiful to be real, your skin is so smooth and perfect and cool and your eyes are like butterscotch and beautiful and perfect.
EDWARD: Don’t I scare you?
READERS: YOU’RE FUCKING SPARKLING, WHAT THE HELL IS SCARY ABOUT THAT.
BELLA: Do you mind if I touch your hand? Is that okay?
EDWARD: Touch aaall you want.
PORN MUSIC: Bow chika bow wow.
BELLA: Your breath smells tasty.
EDWARD: NO NO NO I’M A PREDATOR AND I AM SUCKING YOU IN. But don’t be scared I swear not to hurt you ever.
THIRTEEN YEAR OLD FANGIRLS: THAT IS SO ROMANTIC!
BELLA: I want you more than I should!
EDWARD: Which is why I should go! But I won’t because I’m selfish and want to stay.
BELLA: Yay!
EDWARD: NO NOT YAY, NEVER YAY. I am dangerous!
READERS: Are we seriously repeating this conversation again?
EDWARD: You smell better than anyone ever. And I wanted to eat you so I ran away but came back and you still smell good. I’ll take about three pages to explain this fully, though. You are the most important thing in the world to me, despite the fact that my biggest and possibly only attraction to you is how you smell.
BELLA: I feel the same way!
EDWARD: You’re an idiot.
THREE MORE PAGES: *is all about snuggling and cheek and neck touching... that is seriously IT*
EDWARD: Let’s run really fast. I’ll carry you.
BELLA: Yay!
*later*
BELLA: Okay not so yay.
EDWARD: Let’s try kissing!
KISSING: *is all amazing and shocking and seriously doesn’t actually work like that and millions of thirteen year old fangirls are going to be very disappointed when they kiss a real person*
BELLA: That was awesome!
EDWARD: I didn’t eat you! Yay! Let’s go now.
BELLA: Okay but I’m driving.
EDWARD: Friends don’t let friends drive drunk. You’re intoxicated by my presence.
THAT LINE RIGHT THERE: *is an actual honest-to-God direct quote what the hell*
BELLA: Tee hee okay!
END OF CHAPTER THIRTEEN
---
Will Edward and Bella ever make it to Seattle? Do we even give a damn? HOW CAN ANYONE TAKE SPARKLING VAMPIRES SERIOUSLY!? Find out - or don't - in the next chapter! Stay tuned!
Continue on to Chapter Fourteen...
TWILIGHT
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
EDWARD: *sparkles*
A PAUSE: *is needed*
EDWARD: ... *sparkles*
BELLA: *extra dazzled*
EDWARD: *FREAKING SPARKLES WHAT THE FUCK*
BELLA: Oh Edward you are just too beautiful to be real, your skin is so smooth and perfect and cool and your eyes are like butterscotch and beautiful and perfect.
EDWARD: Don’t I scare you?
READERS: YOU’RE FUCKING SPARKLING, WHAT THE HELL IS SCARY ABOUT THAT.
BELLA: Do you mind if I touch your hand? Is that okay?
EDWARD: Touch aaall you want.
PORN MUSIC: Bow chika bow wow.
BELLA: Your breath smells tasty.
EDWARD: NO NO NO I’M A PREDATOR AND I AM SUCKING YOU IN. But don’t be scared I swear not to hurt you ever.
THIRTEEN YEAR OLD FANGIRLS: THAT IS SO ROMANTIC!
BELLA: I want you more than I should!
EDWARD: Which is why I should go! But I won’t because I’m selfish and want to stay.
BELLA: Yay!
EDWARD: NO NOT YAY, NEVER YAY. I am dangerous!
READERS: Are we seriously repeating this conversation again?
EDWARD: You smell better than anyone ever. And I wanted to eat you so I ran away but came back and you still smell good. I’ll take about three pages to explain this fully, though. You are the most important thing in the world to me, despite the fact that my biggest and possibly only attraction to you is how you smell.
BELLA: I feel the same way!
EDWARD: You’re an idiot.
THREE MORE PAGES: *is all about snuggling and cheek and neck touching... that is seriously IT*
EDWARD: Let’s run really fast. I’ll carry you.
BELLA: Yay!
*later*
BELLA: Okay not so yay.
EDWARD: Let’s try kissing!
KISSING: *is all amazing and shocking and seriously doesn’t actually work like that and millions of thirteen year old fangirls are going to be very disappointed when they kiss a real person*
BELLA: That was awesome!
EDWARD: I didn’t eat you! Yay! Let’s go now.
BELLA: Okay but I’m driving.
EDWARD: Friends don’t let friends drive drunk. You’re intoxicated by my presence.
THAT LINE RIGHT THERE: *is an actual honest-to-God direct quote what the hell*
BELLA: Tee hee okay!
END OF CHAPTER THIRTEEN
---
Will Edward and Bella ever make it to Seattle? Do we even give a damn? HOW CAN ANYONE TAKE SPARKLING VAMPIRES SERIOUSLY!? Find out - or don't - in the next chapter! Stay tuned!
Continue on to Chapter Fourteen...