CHOCOLATE CANCER and BLACK-WHITE BURNS - Mello/Matt (Death Note)
Title: Chocolate Cancer and Black-White Burns
Author: miruvix
Fandom: Death Note
Pairing: Mello/Matt
Warnings: Spoilers for up to chapter 99 of the manga (episode 35 of the anime), and some vicious language!
Notes: Hmm, I must admit that this might be a little different from most other manifestos, at least in the language aspect, sorry. ): I wanted to make the whole essay really reflect what I thought was the mood of the characters and the pairing, so the writing style and formatting and language ended up a little, uh, quirky! Please forgive? Oh, and this is based entirely on the manga, as the anime was not exactly an accurate adaptation of the second arc of the Death Note manga. (If possible, please direct any comments to the original copy, which I've linked below, as I like having comments grouped in one place.)
[ORIGINAL COPY]
◄ CHOCOLATE CANCER AND BLACK-WHITE BURNS ► ◄ MIRUVIX ►
[ let's get this bang bang started ◄ ► introduction ]
So, you've always known that humanity is corrupted, right? Come on, don't give me that look that says, no way, humans are good and pure and kind because, really, look at this world, and then tell me that humanity is good. Because right there, on that TV screen, you see the people worshipping this world's new god. Oh wait, you haven't heard of him before? Well, it's pretty simple. He's some human, or maybe he isn't, but this god, this-- this Kira, he has the ability to kill people, and he uses it well - any criminals, any people who have brought injustice and filth and crime to the world, they're dead meat. He's a god, a true god, because hey, god is supposed to cleanse the world of sinners, right?
No. Wrong. What the hell are you smoking, to believe that? Humans aren't - can never be - gods.
Because justice will always prevail. Sure, L, the original guy that went out to dig out Kira and bring him to the electric chair, might have died, but there's always more where that came from, because L left behind two successors. M and N. Big surprise there, huh? N's the cold one, the logical one, the one that solves pure-white puzzles and states the sordid facts. He has a little posse of helpers, and they go about their merry little way - all hi-tech and shiny new metal equipment - in order to capture the bastard.
M's the opposite end of the scale, because he's the firebomb, the nutcase, the psychopath who'll kidnap your daughter and blow up a whole fucking building for his cause. Who the hell's going to work with him? I mean, he'd probably rather kick you in the face than ever help you when you're in a pinch, why would anyone want to side with him?
Well, that's what we're here to talk about isn't it?
[ fire fire fire in the hole and chocolate dark ◄ ► mello ]
Real Name: Mihael Keehl
1989/12/13 - 2010/01/26
Blood Type: A
Height: 171cm / 5'6"
Weight: 52kg / 114 lbs.
Likes: Chocolate
Hates: Whoever is better than him
You want inferiority complex? Because that's what Mello is, really. A walking, talking, scorch-burn-charred chunk of a man who is tired of being second-best, who only wants to come out on top, whose only wish is to complete this task that L left behind, to rise above Near once, just once. It's all he wants. And he will get it.
Mello is a mess, at first glance.
Sure, he might have started out life normal, at first. Just another genius child shoved into that institution called the Wammy's House that was really - come on, you all knew it, don't pretend you didn't know - just a training facility to churn out more detectives. And Mello might have been the next L, were it not for Near, that little white bastard. Mello spent all of his childhood trying to best Near, trying to claim the position of "number one," but never succeeded - he grew up with a huge chip on his shoulder and a complex a mile wide. Call him anything less than the best, and he'll shoot you in the face. That platinum gun he carries around ain't just an accessory.
And, well, when L died? It crushed him. That one man he'd been idolizing and dreaming of succeeding? Dead as a doornail and rotting in the ground. Leaving Near the title of the next L, Mello stormed out of Wammy's and - guess what, this is the funny part - made himself a fucking mafia boss. Haha, get a load of that. A scrawny fifteen-year old from a quaint little orphanage in London goes and plops himself down in the asscrack of Los Angeles, and winds the mafia around his little finger. That's the way Mello works. All or nothing, baby.
What happened next? Well, you'll have to find out the details for yourself, but if it's just the general idea, it's not that hard to figure out. He went and kidnapped the police director's daughter, crazy bastard that he was, ended up in a whole mountain of trouble and finished the whole fiasco by blowing himself up to kingdom come. Survived that little mess - he clings to life like a cockroach, never ready to die - with a scar that splashes across his face, a big mark of his FAILURE stamped on his skin in bolded, capital letters.
But y'know, I really gotta say, you think he's evil, don't you? You're reading all this and shaking you're head and going, "What a twisted bastard, he deserves to die." But see, what if your whole life you've just been pushed away and rejected and outdone by a little white thing that doesn't even look at you without a hint of smugness in its eyes? What if that one man you idolized and respected and maybe even - it's a forbidden emotion, you know what it is - loved was killed by some bastard, and the only thing you can do now is watch as your rival - that smug white son of a bitch - goes about methodically disposing of the criminal?
Wouldn't you also hang on your ever action to bring about your own twisted sort of justice? Wouldn't you set up that bomb - TNT dynamite cherry red and cute - and push the switch?
But no, the story doesn't stop there, y'know. He never really quit chasing down that killer, even after he nearly got himself blew himself to pieces and barely crawled out of that mess alive. No, he jumped right back into the blaze, all scar tissue and black leather and anger and determination, because dammit, he was going to finish this task if it cost him his life.
Guess what? It did.
But there just wasn't a choice, y'see, he had to do it because this Kira bastard was just too much. He'd killed L, he'd killed justice, he'd killed that one person he'd ever dared to adore, and he would have killed both him and Near, unless he took action, and the only thing he could do was work with Near, and so that's what he did. He went and kidnapped Kira's own spokesperson - this big-boobed woman, the most famous celebrity in Japan at the time, would you believe it - and ended the whole boom bang fiasco with him getting a heart attack. His body ended up charred to ashes and they never identified it, because he was no one, a nobody, just another ghost in the system and a shadow of society.
Just another pretty blond face, scarred and angry and wanting, please, once, just once, to come out on top. Wanting, just once, to win.
Maybe he did in the end. Maybe.
[ sit here and watch the world pixelate and crumble ◄ ► matt ]
Real name: Mail Jeevas
1990/02/01 - 2010/01/26
Blood Type: O
Height: 168cm / 5'5"
Weight: 52kg / 114 lbs.
Likes: Videogames
Dislikes: going out
So you take a place like Wammy's House that's basically a breeding ground for geniuses, and you're bound to get a good mix of people, right? You have the cold machine freaks like Near, you have the good ol' boom-crack-bang crazies like Mello, and then you have Matt. Oh, don't dismiss his geeky appearance and his normal facade, he was actually just behind Mello in terms of ranking - good ol' number three, the underappreciated bronze - and he might also be close in terms of a broken psyche. Because the line drawn between genius and insanity is faint faint - is it even there?
We really don't know much about him. And he probably likes it that way.
Number 3. A computer techie. Chain-smoker. That scrawny short guy who wears goggles. A mop of messy red hair. What might pass as a mild crush on pretty-girl Misa, and a penchant for video games, oh yes, he loves his video games. And one hell of a lack in concentration or determination. He jeopardized Mello's entire plan, once, because he couldn't keep close watch over that girl he was supposed to be stalking. Whoops.
But that just seems to be the way he rolls. He's anonymous, he's skilled, and he's just bored - probably a computer hacker who sort of sways and floats through a digital sea without a name and without a face, who smashes into your system and replaces all of your important files with gay porn just to ease his own boredom. (At least it's high-quality gay porn.) He just wants something to do. Even when he's helping Mello, even when he's pretty much helping out on what is one of the most epic detective missions of the time ("Hey, we're going after this guy that can kill anyone without even touching them, and he's considered a fucking god, and we might both die on this mission just like L did!"), his only complaint is that he's bored of being stuck in a room doing surveillance. Clearly, he has his priorities in order.
Oh, no, no, I can see you frowning and going, "This is one hell of a slacker," but you see, that's where you're wrong, because he's a Wammy's kid, too, and none of those crazy little bastards are ever predictable, are they?
Because even though he's bored and wants some fun and wants to do something more exciting, he still follows Mello like it's his sole source of entertainment. Mello says watch the girl, he says okay but I'm bored, Mello says come to Tokyo, he says now? and Mello says jump, and he says fuck you and returns to his videogames. So, okay, maybe he's as close to normal as one of those Wammy's kids can get, but guess what? He's still loyal as hell - as loyal as a dog, those pathetic animals that follow their masters like those army dogs that follow their soldiers out to the battlefields and get shot and die drooling blood on the ground.
Mello probably just told him, "We're going to go kidnap the most popular celebrity in Tokyo, we're going to go kidnap Kira's spokesperson, and you're going to distract her bodyguards armed with nothing but a smoke gun," and he probably just said, "Okay," before returning to his Nintendo DS. He wanted to beat that last level before he died, after all.
The rest is simple.
He did as Mello said. He drove up to where that woman was getting off her car, took a drag at his cigarette, then came blasting out with his smoke gun before slamming a foot down on the gas pedal and speeding down the highway as fast as he could. They had a rendezvous point in Nagano, some church, and he rode off into the sunset and met with Mello and they had a lovely happy ending and--
--haha, yeah, right. This isn't a video game, Matt.
No, the bodyguards caught up to him, surrounded him, 13 black Sedans circling his beat-up old Chevy, and when he got out, smirked, told them, "I have information, you wouldn't kill me," they just pulled the triggers of their guns. Bang bang bang, baby.
He died standing with a smile on his blood-soaked lips.
[ because nicotine and chocolate make an explosion ◄ ► duet ]
Let's keep talking. Are you getting the individual pictures yet? On one hand we have the crazy blond hellion (one part leather, two parts gunpowder and three parts inferiority complex with just a touch of anger and ambition and devotion) and on the other we have the bored gamer goggle-boy (equal parts apathy and loyalty and just a smidgen of good ol' crazy with a dash of normalcy sprinkled on top). One and one make two, and two and three makes one.
[ i needwant you to help me || mello → matt ]
So it's not easy going off to catch a psychopathic killer/god when you're by yourself, is it?
You gotta have someone you can boss around, someone you can kick when you're angry, someone you can depend on to patch you up when you burned half the skin off your body, someone to distract those trigger-happy bodyguards when you have a celebrity to kidnap and a cause to be a martyr for. A person can't do everything by himself, after all, even if he's a crazy scarred-up blond with a pretty face and a chip on his shoulder. The dog is man's best friend, so Mello gets the next best thing, which is that weird redhead kid who was just behind him in ranking back at the House.
It's unclear whether they were ever close in their childhood, or whether Mello went and tapped Matt on the shoulder because he was next smartest, but we do know that Mello trusts Matt to work for him. Because the number of people that Mello trusts? He can probably count them on one hand and still have fingers left over. So there's Rod, that big bad mafia dude, and there's Hal, bombshell blond and his key into the SPK, and then there's Matt. So yeah, see, two fingers left over. Just three people he trusts. When he just doesn't have that much trust to begin with, he can't spread it thin, he has to leave in the care of just a few people. Matt just happens to be one of the lucky three.
And so Mello dumps a whole bunch of tasks on him. Take care of these surveillance cameras, report to me if those Japanese guys are acting shady, scout out that Misa wench and check what kind of character is, help me stalk the second Kira. And who knows what else happened behind the scene? Select from the following:
A) I blew myself up, come pick me up
B) I'm dying of third-degree burns and blood loss, do something about it
C) I need surveillance cameras and a network and way to monitor things, make it
D) etc. etc.
E) All of the above
Yeah, the correct answer is probably E.
What Mello needed wasn't a friend, but a subordinate, a helper, and he got that, at least from Matt.
And who knows? Maybe he got a little more. Because even a black-leather hellion needs to rest at times, even that firebomb of destruction and inferiority needs someone to keep himself from blowing himself up, keep him from staying up for weeks on end researching, keep him from starting a shootout and getting himself killed in the back alleys. Someone that he could - maybe maybe call a "friend." Sure, Wammy's had forbidden from making these friend-things because detectives are supposed to be solitary and cold and factual, but hey, maybe this one would be okay?
And who knows, maybe Mello managed to push aside that border between "henchman" and "friend" long enough for Matt to slip through and maybe even get a little further.
[ i hope you're exciting || mello ← matt ]
And so the question now, is, why the hell would anyone follow this fucked-up crazy psycho-blond like Mello? I mean come on. Well, other than the fact that he might shove that gun down your throat and pull the trigger if you refuse. Okay, so maybe Matt helped Mello because he knew that Mello was a crazy bastard who'd kill him if he didn't. And, after all, being stuck in a room bored is much better than ending up as just another dead body strewn across the trash bags in the back alleys of Los Angeles, right? Cameras and computers make better friends than rats and cockroaches.
But then again, unless Matt is some genius actor, he sure doesn't look like a person cooperating under the threat of death. I mean, come on, let's look at how he acts:
● complains about his job being boring
● slacks off on the job by chilling with a PSP
● checks out the person he's supposed to be stalking, considers her cute, not dangerous
● etc, etc
See what I mean? It's a little hard to imagine him working for Mello only because of the threat of death. Yeah, sure, Mello would probably shoot someone betraying him regardless of whether they're a friend or not, but at least from Matt's side, there seems to be something more. Something voluntary, some natural, some adventurous and thrilling and possibly even fun.
Fun, yeah, that's it.
He's probably in it for the fun factor.
Sure, chasing after a killer psycho pseudo-god with a deadly notebook might not be the most conventional definition of fun, but who said that the Wammy's kids are ever conventional?
He seems to a thrill seeker in a twisted sense of the word, looking for a way to fight off that boredom of everyday life, and what better way than to hang out with Mello? I mean, come on, look at Mello. He's a walking, talking time bomb waiting, waiting (tick tick tick) to go off with a glorious explosion, and Matt probably wouldn't miss it for the world.
He likes Mello better than his video games, and that's saying a lot.
[ let's look at the straight hard facts, baby || mello ↔ matt
So here we have two pieces of a puzzle - one side looking for a dog, and the other side looking for a bit of fun - and how do they fit together in with this big picture? I mean, theorizing is all nice, but how do you really know? Always doubt what you cannot confirm, and always question what seems the least bit strange - and these two boys are anything but normal, after all. Mysterious, too - Matt gets a grand total of less than twenty frames throughout the whole manga, and Mello has the tendency to vanish from the main plot for long periods of time without warning. So how do we know that everything that's written here is true? How do we know that Mello thinks Matt more than just another person to use and then throw away? How do we know that Matt looks to Mello as more than just a method of morbid entertainment?
We don't.
But hey, hey, before you start grabbing the pitchforks to hunt down the liar who wrote this entire fiasco, let's take a look at a few exhibits, eh? We all love examples, after all.
► [ i'll let your mistakes go || forgiveness ] ◄
Let's take a look at Mello again, shall we? A firebomb and an explosive who does not hesitate, who does not pause, who does not forgive. He has nothing to gain and everything to lose. He has no room for forgiveness, you see, because one little slip-up might mean that his one goal of catching Kira is completely screwed.
And yet, when Matt - devoted as usual but a victim of the boredom that's been plaguing him for a while - makes a mistake in his surveillance, a mistake that potentially could have messed up Mello's entire plan, it's not rewarded by a bullet through the head or a knifing to the side. You would think that someone of Mello's caliber would be quick to lunge on those that aren't good enough and be rid of them. He can't afford to make mistakes, after all. He just can't.
So why is Matt given amnesty for his mistake?
There are a million different answers, of course. Maybe Mello just didn't want to dispose of Matt just yet, because he didn't have the time to go find another person to help him. Maybe he felt that Matt's mistake wasn't enough to outweigh his potential usefulness. Maybe he was just too tired to kill again. Who knows. But maybe, maybe, this means that Matt is more to Mello than just a tool or a lackey. Maybe.
► [ matching steps and keeping pace || coordination ] ◄
So, okay, maybe Mello is close enough to Matt to forgive him for one mistake, but then, seeing that that's what most people would do, it doesn't say much. (Then again, neither Mello nor Matt are "most people," but hey, let's cut them some slack already.)
It's the little things that matter, eh?
Because the little things are all there if you look closely enough. Because Mello, he of the stiff shoulders and the arrogant swagger and the fearful mafia boss image to keep up and the ego to feed (why else would he dress like that, all black leather and lace-up crotch and enticing bare skin?), seems a little bit - just a little bit - less scary when dealing with Matt. And Matt? He's the one that Mello doesn't need to assert his authority because Matt just doesn't seem to care. He's relaxed, he's casual, he jokes and bickers and complains and doesn't remind Mello of just how much is at stake. He lowers the pressure that Mello's under. Their rhythms just sort of match, y'see?
SCENARIO : They're out in a car together. It's not Mello's lackey at the steering wheel and Mello in the back, silent and sullen and intimidating, the air tense and full of domination. No, it's Mello at the steering wheel with Matt beside him looking somewhat bored and Mello being thoughtful. No pressure, no tension, just neutral air.
SCENARIO : So Mello's out and on surveillance when the phone goes beep beep beep with a call from Matt. Mello's in all seriousness, but Matt speaks with suggestions of dry humor and casualness - "It sounds kinda funny coming from me, but she's a cute girl." And Mello doesn't respond with "Shut up," or "Pay attention to your work," or "Stop being stupid," but glides over the comment, only sort of acknowledges that it exists before going on. No reprimanding, no scolding, just conversation
SCENARIO : Matt's stuck in his room, bored out of his mind with nothing but a good ol' PSP to entertain him, when the phone rings. Mello. "What's happening?" Mello demands, and Matt takes a moment to complain. "Nothing's happening. I'm bored." Mello tells him, this is a serious job, don't slack off, but Matt only goes on, "Trade places with me, at least you get to listen to a cute girl's voice." Always looking for a silver lining, Matt, but there are some merits to his manner. No hesitance, no pause, just casual talk.
So you see? That's not quite the talk of a boss and a lackey, or a mafia leader and his underling, eh? It's not "troo luv" or anything that schmoopy, but there are traces of what might - might - be something a little more. Maybe, maybe they can be friends. Maybe more.
► [ you can hold the gun to my head, i won't flinch || sacrifice ] ◄
So. Did you know? If you go to a quote database and look up "sacrifice," a whole assload of quotes come up. Stuff like "being a good person makes you unashamed to sacrifice others," and "being a good person is a privilege, not a sacrifice," and a whole bunch of other deep spiritual moral shit. But really, would you be able to do it? If someone told you that you were going to do something, and that you'd probably die, would you still do it? Would you do it even if it wasn't for yourself? Would you do it for someone? Would you make that sacrifice?
Maybe Matt just never considered these questions, maybe he just didn't care enough about anything to hesitate and to think over this choice of his, never really thought to backpedal and consider his options before going on that suicide mission of his. But then again, did he have a choice? Not only would Mello have killed him, but you think about it - that one guy who you hang out, the one who provides the entertainment, the fun, the explosions and fire and bang bang bang, the only one who might, might be considered a friend, is going to die. Are you just going to stand by? Maybe.
Plenty of options he had, really. Could have pulled off the road and just high-tailed it to Mexico and kept on living his anonymous life, free of any black-leather hellions or deathly notebooks or any of that bullcrap. Could have just vanished from society again and remained just another face in that sea of pixels and data, could have kept on living.
But he didn't.
Don't you wonder what he was thinking when he pressed that trigger and let the smokescreen fly, slammed his foot down on the gas pedal and felt the wind whip his hair and claw at his face like his heart would explode? Don't you wonder what he muttered under his breath when those black cars skidded to a halt around him and the guards stepped out, each carrying a different variety of handgun? Don't you wonder what his last thought was just before that bullet pierced his pericardium and started to bleed him dry?
Maybe it was a name, maybe it was a person, maybe it was two syllables, maybe it was 'Mello'.
Nah, who am I kidding, it was probably "Shit, this hurts like fuck."
But maybe his second to last thought was that name.
► [ because i never got to tell you before || apologies ] ◄
Apologies are very funny things. They come after all the damage has been done, as if they're little band aids you put on boo-boos and kind of hope that they fix all the hurt. Sometimes it works, sometimes. But a lot of times, they're just not enough.
Doesn't mean one can't try.
Because Mello does try, he does. He of the broken silver cross and the black-leather gloves and scar-ridden face and the flaws and dents and scratches, he tries, he does. He sees Matt's car on the television screen riddled with bullet-holes and apologizes. He says, "I'm sorry, Matt. I never meant for you to be killed." He can't even say it out loud, because what use is it saying words that no one will hear?
But Mello doesn't ever apologize, you see, he has no regrets, because everything he's ever done was for a cause, was done for a reason, was done because he had to. He doesn't take anything back and he doesn't fucking apologize, he just doesn't, he can't, he can't afford to.
But maybe, just maybe, it was okay, to apologize just that once - just one thing he regretted, just one action he wished he could change, just one result he wished he could turn around and--
Apologies. They're so small, so weak, so worthless. But Mello apologized anyway.
The heart attack that claimed him might have been his penance.
You wanted proof, you got proof. Facts are hard and dirty and gristly, and they more than often prove a point that you already knew. But that's how everything goes, eh? Black leather and gold-tinted goggles, a horrid visual clash, but when one and one fits together perfectly, what're you going to do?
[ because we'll die in a glorious nightmare ◄ ► why ]
Okay, okay, so maybe these two are another pair of pretty faces tossed into the rag-tag bang-bang mess of a world that everyone sees, and maybe, maybe, they have something for each other. But why would anyone want to root for them? Because they don't sing a love song, no, their tune is a grim remix of a death march, baby, you can hear it if you listen hard enough, it's a sick sick melody that they thrive in. Two twisted kids (because, really, they're just kids, y'know. two young boys shoved into a crisis) brought together by need and boredom, they ain't no Romeo and Juliet.
But everyone does love a dramatic love, and these two kids are tragedy babies, if nothing else.
Two people who grew up together, separated by but one number - two and three really aren't that far apart on the number scale - and torn apart by the death of an idol. Brought together when and only when the need comes up, when shit goes down and fire goes up. It's unclear how long they had together but we know for sure that it wasn't anywhere near long enough for one of those "love you till you die, and let's ride into the sunset" relationships to develop. Everything must have been frantic, rushed, desperate. Did they ever have a chance?
Who knows.
Who cares.
Because they're not the type to regret what they did, and if all they could do was look to each other as strangers close by, then so be it. Explosions, burns, gunshots and apologies, a sordid mixture that could never yield a soft loving relationship, but that's okay, because what they did was enough. One should never have to live carrying a burden of regrets and sorrow, and so they both abandoned their loads and slammed a foot down on the gas pedal, sped on and on and on, unhindered, unlimited. Invincible. (Their hearts may explode, but the possibilities are all there, might as well go try and grab them.)
Chocolate dark and nicotine sky. Sing a duet of love and filth, and watch them run and fight and laugh and live.
[ another look from across the mirror ◄ ► other ]
»» NOTE: Please realize that the fanbase for this pairing is quite formidable, and the recommendations I have placed here are but a smidgen of what is out there. They are merely a few pieces that I personally like, and I am certain that there are many, many more out there that I just have not seen yet.
[ a forest is made of more than one tree || communities ]
death_eyes - Death Note community
mellomatt - MelloMatt LJ community
deathnote_fics - Death Note fanfiction community
deathnote_djs - Death Note doujinshi community
capslock_dn - Death Note capslock community
Broken Heroes - Mello & Matt fanlisting
デスノサーチ - [J] Death Note websearch
[ watch me speak and shout and sing || fanfiction ]
SHOTGUN RELIGION and other works by sutlers
ALL THAT COULD HAVE BEEN and GONE FADING EVERYTHING and other works by jengou
WHAT IS AND SHOULD NEVER BE and other works by kerri_is_dead
YOUR SILENCE and other works by technovanilla
KIND OF LIKE EL PASO and drabbles by alex_zk
DISTANT SUN and other works by flamika
CARCINOMA and other works by miruvix [/shameless self plug]
[ worth a thousand and one words || Japanese fanart sites ]
ササクレ センチメンタル
CUBE
死神さんとランデブー
VAPOR/GRACEFL WORMS
Sweet And Sour Poison
palindrome
◄ AND LET'S END THIS SHOW WITH A FINAL CALL ► ◄ THANKS ►
Author: miruvix
Fandom: Death Note
Pairing: Mello/Matt
Warnings: Spoilers for up to chapter 99 of the manga (episode 35 of the anime), and some vicious language!
Notes: Hmm, I must admit that this might be a little different from most other manifestos, at least in the language aspect, sorry. ): I wanted to make the whole essay really reflect what I thought was the mood of the characters and the pairing, so the writing style and formatting and language ended up a little, uh, quirky! Please forgive? Oh, and this is based entirely on the manga, as the anime was not exactly an accurate adaptation of the second arc of the Death Note manga. (If possible, please direct any comments to the original copy, which I've linked below, as I like having comments grouped in one place.)
[ORIGINAL COPY]
◄ CHOCOLATE CANCER AND BLACK-WHITE BURNS ► ◄ MIRUVIX ►
[ let's get this bang bang started ◄ ► introduction ]
So, you've always known that humanity is corrupted, right? Come on, don't give me that look that says, no way, humans are good and pure and kind because, really, look at this world, and then tell me that humanity is good. Because right there, on that TV screen, you see the people worshipping this world's new god. Oh wait, you haven't heard of him before? Well, it's pretty simple. He's some human, or maybe he isn't, but this god, this-- this Kira, he has the ability to kill people, and he uses it well - any criminals, any people who have brought injustice and filth and crime to the world, they're dead meat. He's a god, a true god, because hey, god is supposed to cleanse the world of sinners, right?
No. Wrong. What the hell are you smoking, to believe that? Humans aren't - can never be - gods.
Because justice will always prevail. Sure, L, the original guy that went out to dig out Kira and bring him to the electric chair, might have died, but there's always more where that came from, because L left behind two successors. M and N. Big surprise there, huh? N's the cold one, the logical one, the one that solves pure-white puzzles and states the sordid facts. He has a little posse of helpers, and they go about their merry little way - all hi-tech and shiny new metal equipment - in order to capture the bastard.
M's the opposite end of the scale, because he's the firebomb, the nutcase, the psychopath who'll kidnap your daughter and blow up a whole fucking building for his cause. Who the hell's going to work with him? I mean, he'd probably rather kick you in the face than ever help you when you're in a pinch, why would anyone want to side with him?
Well, that's what we're here to talk about isn't it?
[ fire fire fire in the hole and chocolate dark ◄ ► mello ]
Real Name: Mihael Keehl
1989/12/13 - 2010/01/26
Blood Type: A
Height: 171cm / 5'6"
Weight: 52kg / 114 lbs.
Likes: Chocolate
Hates: Whoever is better than him
You want inferiority complex? Because that's what Mello is, really. A walking, talking, scorch-burn-charred chunk of a man who is tired of being second-best, who only wants to come out on top, whose only wish is to complete this task that L left behind, to rise above Near once, just once. It's all he wants. And he will get it.
Mello is a mess, at first glance.
Sure, he might have started out life normal, at first. Just another genius child shoved into that institution called the Wammy's House that was really - come on, you all knew it, don't pretend you didn't know - just a training facility to churn out more detectives. And Mello might have been the next L, were it not for Near, that little white bastard. Mello spent all of his childhood trying to best Near, trying to claim the position of "number one," but never succeeded - he grew up with a huge chip on his shoulder and a complex a mile wide. Call him anything less than the best, and he'll shoot you in the face. That platinum gun he carries around ain't just an accessory.
And, well, when L died? It crushed him. That one man he'd been idolizing and dreaming of succeeding? Dead as a doornail and rotting in the ground. Leaving Near the title of the next L, Mello stormed out of Wammy's and - guess what, this is the funny part - made himself a fucking mafia boss. Haha, get a load of that. A scrawny fifteen-year old from a quaint little orphanage in London goes and plops himself down in the asscrack of Los Angeles, and winds the mafia around his little finger. That's the way Mello works. All or nothing, baby.
What happened next? Well, you'll have to find out the details for yourself, but if it's just the general idea, it's not that hard to figure out. He went and kidnapped the police director's daughter, crazy bastard that he was, ended up in a whole mountain of trouble and finished the whole fiasco by blowing himself up to kingdom come. Survived that little mess - he clings to life like a cockroach, never ready to die - with a scar that splashes across his face, a big mark of his FAILURE stamped on his skin in bolded, capital letters.
But y'know, I really gotta say, you think he's evil, don't you? You're reading all this and shaking you're head and going, "What a twisted bastard, he deserves to die." But see, what if your whole life you've just been pushed away and rejected and outdone by a little white thing that doesn't even look at you without a hint of smugness in its eyes? What if that one man you idolized and respected and maybe even - it's a forbidden emotion, you know what it is - loved was killed by some bastard, and the only thing you can do now is watch as your rival - that smug white son of a bitch - goes about methodically disposing of the criminal?
Wouldn't you also hang on your ever action to bring about your own twisted sort of justice? Wouldn't you set up that bomb - TNT dynamite cherry red and cute - and push the switch?
But no, the story doesn't stop there, y'know. He never really quit chasing down that killer, even after he nearly got himself blew himself to pieces and barely crawled out of that mess alive. No, he jumped right back into the blaze, all scar tissue and black leather and anger and determination, because dammit, he was going to finish this task if it cost him his life.
Guess what? It did.
But there just wasn't a choice, y'see, he had to do it because this Kira bastard was just too much. He'd killed L, he'd killed justice, he'd killed that one person he'd ever dared to adore, and he would have killed both him and Near, unless he took action, and the only thing he could do was work with Near, and so that's what he did. He went and kidnapped Kira's own spokesperson - this big-boobed woman, the most famous celebrity in Japan at the time, would you believe it - and ended the whole boom bang fiasco with him getting a heart attack. His body ended up charred to ashes and they never identified it, because he was no one, a nobody, just another ghost in the system and a shadow of society.
Just another pretty blond face, scarred and angry and wanting, please, once, just once, to come out on top. Wanting, just once, to win.
Maybe he did in the end. Maybe.
[ sit here and watch the world pixelate and crumble ◄ ► matt ]
Real name: Mail Jeevas
1990/02/01 - 2010/01/26
Blood Type: O
Height: 168cm / 5'5"
Weight: 52kg / 114 lbs.
Likes: Videogames
Dislikes: going out
So you take a place like Wammy's House that's basically a breeding ground for geniuses, and you're bound to get a good mix of people, right? You have the cold machine freaks like Near, you have the good ol' boom-crack-bang crazies like Mello, and then you have Matt. Oh, don't dismiss his geeky appearance and his normal facade, he was actually just behind Mello in terms of ranking - good ol' number three, the underappreciated bronze - and he might also be close in terms of a broken psyche. Because the line drawn between genius and insanity is faint faint - is it even there?
We really don't know much about him. And he probably likes it that way.
Number 3. A computer techie. Chain-smoker. That scrawny short guy who wears goggles. A mop of messy red hair. What might pass as a mild crush on pretty-girl Misa, and a penchant for video games, oh yes, he loves his video games. And one hell of a lack in concentration or determination. He jeopardized Mello's entire plan, once, because he couldn't keep close watch over that girl he was supposed to be stalking. Whoops.
But that just seems to be the way he rolls. He's anonymous, he's skilled, and he's just bored - probably a computer hacker who sort of sways and floats through a digital sea without a name and without a face, who smashes into your system and replaces all of your important files with gay porn just to ease his own boredom. (At least it's high-quality gay porn.) He just wants something to do. Even when he's helping Mello, even when he's pretty much helping out on what is one of the most epic detective missions of the time ("Hey, we're going after this guy that can kill anyone without even touching them, and he's considered a fucking god, and we might both die on this mission just like L did!"), his only complaint is that he's bored of being stuck in a room doing surveillance. Clearly, he has his priorities in order.
Oh, no, no, I can see you frowning and going, "This is one hell of a slacker," but you see, that's where you're wrong, because he's a Wammy's kid, too, and none of those crazy little bastards are ever predictable, are they?
Because even though he's bored and wants some fun and wants to do something more exciting, he still follows Mello like it's his sole source of entertainment. Mello says watch the girl, he says okay but I'm bored, Mello says come to Tokyo, he says now? and Mello says jump, and he says fuck you and returns to his videogames. So, okay, maybe he's as close to normal as one of those Wammy's kids can get, but guess what? He's still loyal as hell - as loyal as a dog, those pathetic animals that follow their masters like those army dogs that follow their soldiers out to the battlefields and get shot and die drooling blood on the ground.
Mello probably just told him, "We're going to go kidnap the most popular celebrity in Tokyo, we're going to go kidnap Kira's spokesperson, and you're going to distract her bodyguards armed with nothing but a smoke gun," and he probably just said, "Okay," before returning to his Nintendo DS. He wanted to beat that last level before he died, after all.
The rest is simple.
He did as Mello said. He drove up to where that woman was getting off her car, took a drag at his cigarette, then came blasting out with his smoke gun before slamming a foot down on the gas pedal and speeding down the highway as fast as he could. They had a rendezvous point in Nagano, some church, and he rode off into the sunset and met with Mello and they had a lovely happy ending and--
--haha, yeah, right. This isn't a video game, Matt.
No, the bodyguards caught up to him, surrounded him, 13 black Sedans circling his beat-up old Chevy, and when he got out, smirked, told them, "I have information, you wouldn't kill me," they just pulled the triggers of their guns. Bang bang bang, baby.
He died standing with a smile on his blood-soaked lips.
[ because nicotine and chocolate make an explosion ◄ ► duet ]
Let's keep talking. Are you getting the individual pictures yet? On one hand we have the crazy blond hellion (one part leather, two parts gunpowder and three parts inferiority complex with just a touch of anger and ambition and devotion) and on the other we have the bored gamer goggle-boy (equal parts apathy and loyalty and just a smidgen of good ol' crazy with a dash of normalcy sprinkled on top). One and one make two, and two and three makes one.
[ i needwant you to help me || mello → matt ]
So it's not easy going off to catch a psychopathic killer/god when you're by yourself, is it?
You gotta have someone you can boss around, someone you can kick when you're angry, someone you can depend on to patch you up when you burned half the skin off your body, someone to distract those trigger-happy bodyguards when you have a celebrity to kidnap and a cause to be a martyr for. A person can't do everything by himself, after all, even if he's a crazy scarred-up blond with a pretty face and a chip on his shoulder. The dog is man's best friend, so Mello gets the next best thing, which is that weird redhead kid who was just behind him in ranking back at the House.
It's unclear whether they were ever close in their childhood, or whether Mello went and tapped Matt on the shoulder because he was next smartest, but we do know that Mello trusts Matt to work for him. Because the number of people that Mello trusts? He can probably count them on one hand and still have fingers left over. So there's Rod, that big bad mafia dude, and there's Hal, bombshell blond and his key into the SPK, and then there's Matt. So yeah, see, two fingers left over. Just three people he trusts. When he just doesn't have that much trust to begin with, he can't spread it thin, he has to leave in the care of just a few people. Matt just happens to be one of the lucky three.
And so Mello dumps a whole bunch of tasks on him. Take care of these surveillance cameras, report to me if those Japanese guys are acting shady, scout out that Misa wench and check what kind of character is, help me stalk the second Kira. And who knows what else happened behind the scene? Select from the following:
A) I blew myself up, come pick me up
B) I'm dying of third-degree burns and blood loss, do something about it
C) I need surveillance cameras and a network and way to monitor things, make it
D) etc. etc.
E) All of the above
Yeah, the correct answer is probably E.
What Mello needed wasn't a friend, but a subordinate, a helper, and he got that, at least from Matt.
And who knows? Maybe he got a little more. Because even a black-leather hellion needs to rest at times, even that firebomb of destruction and inferiority needs someone to keep himself from blowing himself up, keep him from staying up for weeks on end researching, keep him from starting a shootout and getting himself killed in the back alleys. Someone that he could - maybe maybe call a "friend." Sure, Wammy's had forbidden from making these friend-things because detectives are supposed to be solitary and cold and factual, but hey, maybe this one would be okay?
And who knows, maybe Mello managed to push aside that border between "henchman" and "friend" long enough for Matt to slip through and maybe even get a little further.
[ i hope you're exciting || mello ← matt ]
And so the question now, is, why the hell would anyone follow this fucked-up crazy psycho-blond like Mello? I mean come on. Well, other than the fact that he might shove that gun down your throat and pull the trigger if you refuse. Okay, so maybe Matt helped Mello because he knew that Mello was a crazy bastard who'd kill him if he didn't. And, after all, being stuck in a room bored is much better than ending up as just another dead body strewn across the trash bags in the back alleys of Los Angeles, right? Cameras and computers make better friends than rats and cockroaches.
But then again, unless Matt is some genius actor, he sure doesn't look like a person cooperating under the threat of death. I mean, come on, let's look at how he acts:
● complains about his job being boring
● slacks off on the job by chilling with a PSP
● checks out the person he's supposed to be stalking, considers her cute, not dangerous
● etc, etc
See what I mean? It's a little hard to imagine him working for Mello only because of the threat of death. Yeah, sure, Mello would probably shoot someone betraying him regardless of whether they're a friend or not, but at least from Matt's side, there seems to be something more. Something voluntary, some natural, some adventurous and thrilling and possibly even fun.
Fun, yeah, that's it.
He's probably in it for the fun factor.
Sure, chasing after a killer psycho pseudo-god with a deadly notebook might not be the most conventional definition of fun, but who said that the Wammy's kids are ever conventional?
He seems to a thrill seeker in a twisted sense of the word, looking for a way to fight off that boredom of everyday life, and what better way than to hang out with Mello? I mean, come on, look at Mello. He's a walking, talking time bomb waiting, waiting (tick tick tick) to go off with a glorious explosion, and Matt probably wouldn't miss it for the world.
He likes Mello better than his video games, and that's saying a lot.
[ let's look at the straight hard facts, baby || mello ↔ matt
So here we have two pieces of a puzzle - one side looking for a dog, and the other side looking for a bit of fun - and how do they fit together in with this big picture? I mean, theorizing is all nice, but how do you really know? Always doubt what you cannot confirm, and always question what seems the least bit strange - and these two boys are anything but normal, after all. Mysterious, too - Matt gets a grand total of less than twenty frames throughout the whole manga, and Mello has the tendency to vanish from the main plot for long periods of time without warning. So how do we know that everything that's written here is true? How do we know that Mello thinks Matt more than just another person to use and then throw away? How do we know that Matt looks to Mello as more than just a method of morbid entertainment?
We don't.
But hey, hey, before you start grabbing the pitchforks to hunt down the liar who wrote this entire fiasco, let's take a look at a few exhibits, eh? We all love examples, after all.
► [ i'll let your mistakes go || forgiveness ] ◄
Let's take a look at Mello again, shall we? A firebomb and an explosive who does not hesitate, who does not pause, who does not forgive. He has nothing to gain and everything to lose. He has no room for forgiveness, you see, because one little slip-up might mean that his one goal of catching Kira is completely screwed.
And yet, when Matt - devoted as usual but a victim of the boredom that's been plaguing him for a while - makes a mistake in his surveillance, a mistake that potentially could have messed up Mello's entire plan, it's not rewarded by a bullet through the head or a knifing to the side. You would think that someone of Mello's caliber would be quick to lunge on those that aren't good enough and be rid of them. He can't afford to make mistakes, after all. He just can't.
So why is Matt given amnesty for his mistake?
There are a million different answers, of course. Maybe Mello just didn't want to dispose of Matt just yet, because he didn't have the time to go find another person to help him. Maybe he felt that Matt's mistake wasn't enough to outweigh his potential usefulness. Maybe he was just too tired to kill again. Who knows. But maybe, maybe, this means that Matt is more to Mello than just a tool or a lackey. Maybe.
► [ matching steps and keeping pace || coordination ] ◄
So, okay, maybe Mello is close enough to Matt to forgive him for one mistake, but then, seeing that that's what most people would do, it doesn't say much. (Then again, neither Mello nor Matt are "most people," but hey, let's cut them some slack already.)
It's the little things that matter, eh?
Because the little things are all there if you look closely enough. Because Mello, he of the stiff shoulders and the arrogant swagger and the fearful mafia boss image to keep up and the ego to feed (why else would he dress like that, all black leather and lace-up crotch and enticing bare skin?), seems a little bit - just a little bit - less scary when dealing with Matt. And Matt? He's the one that Mello doesn't need to assert his authority because Matt just doesn't seem to care. He's relaxed, he's casual, he jokes and bickers and complains and doesn't remind Mello of just how much is at stake. He lowers the pressure that Mello's under. Their rhythms just sort of match, y'see?
SCENARIO : They're out in a car together. It's not Mello's lackey at the steering wheel and Mello in the back, silent and sullen and intimidating, the air tense and full of domination. No, it's Mello at the steering wheel with Matt beside him looking somewhat bored and Mello being thoughtful. No pressure, no tension, just neutral air.
SCENARIO : So Mello's out and on surveillance when the phone goes beep beep beep with a call from Matt. Mello's in all seriousness, but Matt speaks with suggestions of dry humor and casualness - "It sounds kinda funny coming from me, but she's a cute girl." And Mello doesn't respond with "Shut up," or "Pay attention to your work," or "Stop being stupid," but glides over the comment, only sort of acknowledges that it exists before going on. No reprimanding, no scolding, just conversation
SCENARIO : Matt's stuck in his room, bored out of his mind with nothing but a good ol' PSP to entertain him, when the phone rings. Mello. "What's happening?" Mello demands, and Matt takes a moment to complain. "Nothing's happening. I'm bored." Mello tells him, this is a serious job, don't slack off, but Matt only goes on, "Trade places with me, at least you get to listen to a cute girl's voice." Always looking for a silver lining, Matt, but there are some merits to his manner. No hesitance, no pause, just casual talk.
So you see? That's not quite the talk of a boss and a lackey, or a mafia leader and his underling, eh? It's not "troo luv" or anything that schmoopy, but there are traces of what might - might - be something a little more. Maybe, maybe they can be friends. Maybe more.
► [ you can hold the gun to my head, i won't flinch || sacrifice ] ◄
So. Did you know? If you go to a quote database and look up "sacrifice," a whole assload of quotes come up. Stuff like "being a good person makes you unashamed to sacrifice others," and "being a good person is a privilege, not a sacrifice," and a whole bunch of other deep spiritual moral shit. But really, would you be able to do it? If someone told you that you were going to do something, and that you'd probably die, would you still do it? Would you do it even if it wasn't for yourself? Would you do it for someone? Would you make that sacrifice?
Maybe Matt just never considered these questions, maybe he just didn't care enough about anything to hesitate and to think over this choice of his, never really thought to backpedal and consider his options before going on that suicide mission of his. But then again, did he have a choice? Not only would Mello have killed him, but you think about it - that one guy who you hang out, the one who provides the entertainment, the fun, the explosions and fire and bang bang bang, the only one who might, might be considered a friend, is going to die. Are you just going to stand by? Maybe.
Plenty of options he had, really. Could have pulled off the road and just high-tailed it to Mexico and kept on living his anonymous life, free of any black-leather hellions or deathly notebooks or any of that bullcrap. Could have just vanished from society again and remained just another face in that sea of pixels and data, could have kept on living.
But he didn't.
Don't you wonder what he was thinking when he pressed that trigger and let the smokescreen fly, slammed his foot down on the gas pedal and felt the wind whip his hair and claw at his face like his heart would explode? Don't you wonder what he muttered under his breath when those black cars skidded to a halt around him and the guards stepped out, each carrying a different variety of handgun? Don't you wonder what his last thought was just before that bullet pierced his pericardium and started to bleed him dry?
Maybe it was a name, maybe it was a person, maybe it was two syllables, maybe it was 'Mello'.
Nah, who am I kidding, it was probably "Shit, this hurts like fuck."
But maybe his second to last thought was that name.
► [ because i never got to tell you before || apologies ] ◄
Apologies are very funny things. They come after all the damage has been done, as if they're little band aids you put on boo-boos and kind of hope that they fix all the hurt. Sometimes it works, sometimes. But a lot of times, they're just not enough.
Doesn't mean one can't try.
Because Mello does try, he does. He of the broken silver cross and the black-leather gloves and scar-ridden face and the flaws and dents and scratches, he tries, he does. He sees Matt's car on the television screen riddled with bullet-holes and apologizes. He says, "I'm sorry, Matt. I never meant for you to be killed." He can't even say it out loud, because what use is it saying words that no one will hear?
But Mello doesn't ever apologize, you see, he has no regrets, because everything he's ever done was for a cause, was done for a reason, was done because he had to. He doesn't take anything back and he doesn't fucking apologize, he just doesn't, he can't, he can't afford to.
But maybe, just maybe, it was okay, to apologize just that once - just one thing he regretted, just one action he wished he could change, just one result he wished he could turn around and--
Apologies. They're so small, so weak, so worthless. But Mello apologized anyway.
The heart attack that claimed him might have been his penance.
You wanted proof, you got proof. Facts are hard and dirty and gristly, and they more than often prove a point that you already knew. But that's how everything goes, eh? Black leather and gold-tinted goggles, a horrid visual clash, but when one and one fits together perfectly, what're you going to do?
[ because we'll die in a glorious nightmare ◄ ► why ]
Okay, okay, so maybe these two are another pair of pretty faces tossed into the rag-tag bang-bang mess of a world that everyone sees, and maybe, maybe, they have something for each other. But why would anyone want to root for them? Because they don't sing a love song, no, their tune is a grim remix of a death march, baby, you can hear it if you listen hard enough, it's a sick sick melody that they thrive in. Two twisted kids (because, really, they're just kids, y'know. two young boys shoved into a crisis) brought together by need and boredom, they ain't no Romeo and Juliet.
But everyone does love a dramatic love, and these two kids are tragedy babies, if nothing else.
Two people who grew up together, separated by but one number - two and three really aren't that far apart on the number scale - and torn apart by the death of an idol. Brought together when and only when the need comes up, when shit goes down and fire goes up. It's unclear how long they had together but we know for sure that it wasn't anywhere near long enough for one of those "love you till you die, and let's ride into the sunset" relationships to develop. Everything must have been frantic, rushed, desperate. Did they ever have a chance?
Who knows.
Who cares.
Because they're not the type to regret what they did, and if all they could do was look to each other as strangers close by, then so be it. Explosions, burns, gunshots and apologies, a sordid mixture that could never yield a soft loving relationship, but that's okay, because what they did was enough. One should never have to live carrying a burden of regrets and sorrow, and so they both abandoned their loads and slammed a foot down on the gas pedal, sped on and on and on, unhindered, unlimited. Invincible. (Their hearts may explode, but the possibilities are all there, might as well go try and grab them.)
Chocolate dark and nicotine sky. Sing a duet of love and filth, and watch them run and fight and laugh and live.
[ another look from across the mirror ◄ ► other ]
»» NOTE: Please realize that the fanbase for this pairing is quite formidable, and the recommendations I have placed here are but a smidgen of what is out there. They are merely a few pieces that I personally like, and I am certain that there are many, many more out there that I just have not seen yet.
[ a forest is made of more than one tree || communities ]
death_eyes - Death Note community
mellomatt - MelloMatt LJ community
deathnote_fics - Death Note fanfiction community
deathnote_djs - Death Note doujinshi community
capslock_dn - Death Note capslock community
Broken Heroes - Mello & Matt fanlisting
デスノサーチ - [J] Death Note websearch
[ watch me speak and shout and sing || fanfiction ]
SHOTGUN RELIGION and other works by sutlers
ALL THAT COULD HAVE BEEN and GONE FADING EVERYTHING and other works by jengou
WHAT IS AND SHOULD NEVER BE and other works by kerri_is_dead
YOUR SILENCE and other works by technovanilla
KIND OF LIKE EL PASO and drabbles by alex_zk
DISTANT SUN and other works by flamika
CARCINOMA and other works by miruvix [/shameless self plug]
[ worth a thousand and one words || Japanese fanart sites ]
ササクレ センチメンタル
CUBE
死神さんとランデブー
VAPOR/GRACEFL WORMS
Sweet And Sour Poison
palindrome
◄ AND LET'S END THIS SHOW WITH A FINAL CALL ► ◄ THANKS ►