[selu] 带我到会有你的地方，永远都一起走。[2/2]
<< | part i
//
勋/鹿。
at the hotel, sehun breaches the topic. cautiously, carefully, like treading on a precariously shaky bridge fifty metres above a ravine. he has had enough second-guessing, enough of the maybes and what-ifs and now just craves certainty, a definite yes or a no.
“hey, hyung? at the airport… did you really…” but then lu han turns to look at him, gaze sharp and unreadable, and sehun falters.
“nevermind,” he mumbles, suddenly afraid of what lu han is going to say, but what he doesn’t expect is for lu han to suddenly talk over him and bulldoze his way through the conversation.
“you mean, what i said to that girl? don’t be stupid, you know that even though we’ve disbanded she still knows us as idols.”
oh, so you want to talk about it? okay. we’ll talk about it. “so?”
“so,” lu han’s blushing now, sehun’s heart beating a little faster as he dares to hope. not too much, for fear of being having his dreams dashed to the ground, but minimally. “so. she can’t know that. i. you. ugh, nevermind, forget i ever said anything,” he finishes miserably, but sehun can’t (won’t) let it go.
“know that what? what about you? me? know that i love you?” the words are out, irretractable and blazing a fiery trail through the air. sehun half-wishes he could take them back, because his secret of nearly ten years is out and wow, it feels strange not having to conceal it any more. he isn’t used to it.
“you love me?” lu han’s eyes are wide, almost as if he can’t believe it. almost as if he can’t believe anybody would ever love him. absolutely baseless worries.
“yeah. since a long, long time ago. and i’m sorry if you don’t, but --” and sehun nearly chokes on his saliva because lu han’s clambered over, planted himself in his lap and is kissing him hard. it’s not exactly perfect the way books or movies would describe it, because it’s too rough and their teeth knock against each other’s due to the force at which their lips collide, but sehun thinks the aggression mirrors what lu han probably would be saying if his mouth were free at that moment.
shut up, you idiot. i love you too. wasn’t it obvious?
(nothing much about their relationship changes after that, cementing sehun’s idea that they were already there, teetering on the brink of something more, just needing that little push to happen. only now, there is a lot more affection and a lot more kisses - butterfly kisses light and gentle on the cheek; slow and sensual goodnight kisses just before going to bed, just tongues moving against each other’s languidly like they have all the time in the world; desperate kisses that feel more like bites leaving definite teeth marks on collarbones and the insides of thighs - and sometimes, lu han slips into sehun’s bed at night and curls close, the warmth of having another body next to his making sehun happy.
it’s such a cliche that it happens in the city of love, but sehun thinks that he’ll take all the cliches in the world if only he can have this forever.
//
from: sehun
to: jongin [04:27 AM]
:)))))))))
from: jongin
to: sehun [13:40 PM]
i’m assuming the only reason you’re awake is bc of time differences
also i hope this is bc u finally grew a pair and confessed bc international texting is expensive, asshat
from: lu han
to: yixing [05:02 AM]
i’m so happy rn omg T_T
from: yixing
to: lu han [10:52 AM]
please don’t send texts at unearthly hours cos i won’t reply in time :c and is this about sehun????
from: lu han
to: yixing [15:15 PM]
yes (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧
//
paris is more beautiful than any of the other countries that they’ve been to, maybe because now there’s a definite sense of being together, of being one entity instead of two separate ones. they stroll down the champs d’elysees at night, watching as the lights go on and turns the night sky orange. occasionally, they pop into shopping centres and peek at branded goods, but none of them ever buy anything because (as lu han giggles) ‘we don’t need this, we’re not tao’. they visit famous tourist spots like the louvre, but it takes them two whole hours to walk through the egyptian wing and lu han gets bored a while after that. they do get to see the mona lisa though, feel her eyes follow them as they walk from spot to spot in the crowded room. lu han also takes the opportunity to creep sehun out in the catacombs, telling him ghost stories as they tread from darkened room to darkened room as he delights in watching sehun start at every little noise he hears.
the true test, of course, is the eiffel tower. lu han’s fear of heights is obvious, something that was made known in one of the episodes of showtime when they visited namsan tower. which is why sehun is adamantly reluctant to visit the landmark, casting worried glances at lu han’s determined face as they stand in line for tickets.
“hey,” sehun begins softly, startling lu han from where he’s fiddling with his camera strap and darting uneasy glances at the top of the tower. “we don’t need to go up if you don’t want to, you know.”
“no,” lu han breathes in deep, looks straight at him and sehun can see the fear he’s trying so hard to mask in the way his pupils are dilating, adrenaline rushing fast and heady through his veins.
“i want to go up. if not for myself, then for you. we can’t leave paris without visiting the eiffel tower, can we?” lu han glares at him then, wearing his bravado like a second skin but sehun refuses to back down.
“we could just stay the foot of the tower,” he replies. “i mean, i don’t mind, since i’ve already seen it…”
it’s ineffective; lu han is already shaking his head vehemently and sehun knows that there’s no way he’s going to win this one. lu han is so stubborn when he wants to be, refusing to back down from challenges or when he’s got his heart set on something. sehun knows this, has accepted it as a reality over the years. looks like a little kitten, but is stubborn as a mule. figures.
“okay then,” he mumbles, conceding as he reaches out and intertwines his fingers with lu han’s.
//
鹿。
the elevator ride up is terrible. they’d bought tickets for the first floor rather than the second or third ones, sehun not wanting to trouble lu han further and lu han had conceded. we’re the epitome of give and take, he muses as he tries to distract himself from the feeling of being locked in the tiny metal box zooming up up and up, further away from the ground and safety. sehun sees him panicking, frowns and gathers him close and lu han practically buries his head in sehun’s chest as he tries to ignore the feeling of going up. the feeling of heights, the fear of falling all the way down without anything to catch him.
the doors open and the cool wind hits him in the face, calming him down a little. both of them wander around on the platform, lu han clutching on tight to sehun’s arm. if he doesn’t peer over the edge, focuses on staring at the metal floor rather than the parisian skyline, he can almost pretend he’s walking on flat ground. thankfully, sehun doesn’t coerce him to look up, doesn’t try persuading him to get over this irrational anxiety of his. he simply lets lu han cling on to him even though his grip may or may not be cutting off the blood circulation in his arm, both of them standing toward the back of the platform. sehun merely revels in the feeling of being there, looking down at the entire city like a god, while lu han counts his breaths, the steady in-and-out of his inhalation and exhalation as he tries to calm his panicking heart down.
after five minutes, however, sehun tugs on to lu han’s arm and says, “okay, i think i’ve had enough. c’mon, we can go down now,” and brings him back to the elevator. lu han tries to protest, no we can’t go yet you haven’t seen enough but sehun is firm this time round, bundling him into the elevator before he can resist.
“we spent way too short a time up there, sehun, i don’t want you to leave without having experienced enough of the eiffel tower --” it’s sehun who shuts him up with a kiss this time, brief and chaste in the darkness of the elevator as lu han’s eyes widen.
“it was enough,” sehun’s smiling the smile lu han loves so much, and he feels his heart melt just a little. “what else were we going to do up there anyway, break into spontaneous singing and dancing? thank you for being brave, hyung.”
//
the next stop after paris is london. sehun wants to visit platform 9 ¾ because he’s a sucker for harry potter and lu han wants to see old trafford (“take me to old trafford or die, oh sehun, it’s your obligation as boyfriend,” lu han threatens with a manic glint in his eye and sehun smiles stupidly because oh god did lu han just refer to him as boyfriend), so it’s pretty much a win-win situation for both of them. they visit buckingham palace first, peering excitedly at the guards wrapped up like bears in their brilliant red uniforms and tall black hats. sehun wonders what it would be like to be a prince, royalty and high society and lu han laughs at him, tells him that the fangirls had nicknamed him ‘prince oh’ and wasn’t that good enough?
sehun smirks, says something like “i don’t want to be anyone else’s prince except yours” and lu han blushes hard before punching him in the shoulder and telling him to shut up. they watch the sun set and see the tower bridge lights up in all its full glory at night, white lights blinking slowly into existence, glimmering large and bold against the dark night. sehun holds lu han close to his side as they take in everything and nothing at once, listening out for the sound of each other’s breathing in the midst of all the white noise surronding them.
they go to old trafford the next day, a visible bounce in lu han’s step as he tries to contain his excitement. beside him, sehun’s on camera duty, snapping pictures of the grandiose stadium left right and centre. lu han looks around in wonder, enraptured at finally being in the stadium he’s dreamt of playing in ever since he was a little boy - even if life did take him a different route than the one he’d always thought he’d pursue, there’s not an inkling of regret.
“this is the theatre of dreams,” he whispers as he marvels. he imagines the stands all filled with red, supporters equally as avid as he holding up banners and cheering until their faces turn the same color as their shirts. this is it, the home of the red devils, where legends like wayne rooney and ryan giggs and christiano ronaldo once trod. lu han thinks about how childhood soccer games in the alleys behind his house, watching soccer game after soccer game on the couch in lazy summer days, and falling in love with sehun has culminated in this momentous day, with him standing in the stadium he’s always yearned to see since he was a young boy old enough to choose manchester united over liverpool or chelsea. it’s a dream come true, one of many he’d never thought possible, and he has sehun to thank for that.
they visit the iconic platform 9 ¾ after, the bustle of people at king’s cross not unlike the ones they’d face during peak hour in seoul. sehun laughs at the trolley strategically wedged in the wall, dragging lu han to the souvenir shop where they buy scarves in house colors: green and silver slytherin for sehun and blue and bronze for lu han’s ravenclaw. sehun fills lu han, who’s never read harry potter before, in on the house characteristics and they have a debate over lu han’s house that lasts for all of five minutes before he chooses ravenclaw. (sehun thought he would be in gryffindor.) sehun lingers mournfully at the display case showcasing an array of wands, looking pleadingly at lu han who merely raps him sharply on the butt before moving away, concealing a smile at sehun’s pitiful whine. sehun then changes his mind and heads for the jumpers, wheedling and trying to convince lu han to get both of them gryffindor jumpers because screw houses, we can match. he then drags lu han back to the trolley in the wall, posing as if he were running at full speed to pass into the real platform 9 ¾, and makes lu han take about a million other shots of him pretending to be a hogwarts student.
“aren’t you a little too old for this,” lu han laughs even as his fingers click down on the shutter of the camera repeatedly.
“says the one with the baby face,” sehun retorts as he strikes another ridiculous pose.
they laugh about the pictures on the subway ride back to the hotel, pressed close to each other in the throng of people. sehun reaches up to grip tightly onto the overhead handholds while lu han holds tightly onto his jacket, ensuring he doesn’t lose balance and fall over. they laugh about how lu han appears in 90% of the pictures sehun took at old trafford, sehun navigating deftly through the hundreds of new photos before he finds the one he wants to show lu han.
“look, this one’s my favorite,” he smiles proudly, handing the camera over and lu han stares. it’s a shot of his side profile, but for some reason the morning sunlight catches itself on his hair (dyed back to its original black before they left on their journey; a sense of home, a sense of restoration) and shines, making it appear a million other shades of brown, and his eyes are open wide in wonder and awe.
“it looked like for a moment, you were truly happy. like you had the world and wanted nothing more, and i felt so lucky that i was there to share it with you,” sehun smiles at him shyly and lu han feels his heart catch in his throat. so this is what it feels like to be loved. he thinks he can almost get used to it.
//
勋。
sometimes sehun feels so in love with lu han it hurts. sometimes he thinks he can just look at the ethereal boy curled into his side, legs thrown haphazardly over his own as lu han shifts in his sleep and tries to pull him closer, and feel his heart expand in his chest. it’s a soft, sweet kind of pain, burning slow and gradual before it reaches a pivotal point where his heart seems to burst.
“good morning,” he whispers as lu han stirs, mumbling something sehun can’t hear.
“what?”
“i said,” lu han repeats a little louder, “i must really love you if i let you sleep on my bed. with me.”
“yeah,” sehun smirks, one hand coming up to rest idly on the jut of lu han’s hipbone, curling protectively around his waist. “i guess you really do.”
scotland is beautiful the same way lu han is - almost as if god put a little extra thought in them, spent a little more time on them. the lakes are beautiful, shades of blue and green melding into one perfect, crystal-clear body of water, with snow-capped mountains rising tall and majestic in the background. they rent a small log cabin by loch ness for two days, and those days are spent doing nothing - lying on the grass outside watching clouds drift by; skipping stones and making wishes; star-gazing at night, hazarding guesses at which balls of light are actual celestial dust and which are merely airplanes. the air there is fresh, clean, making sehun feel like he’s inhaling freedom while simultaneously exhaling all his worry, all his fear. and while scotland would be beautiful alone, it is doubly so with lu han by his side - the feeling of a warm head lying on his shoulder, tentative fingers curling around his and slipping through the gaps, a warm weight lying on his chest snuggled together under one of the blankets they dragged out from the cabins. sometimes they kiss, reveling in the feel of each other; reveling in the fact that that they can have this. that they can have each other in ways nobody else can. and then there are days where they don’t do anything at all, choosing instead to curl up in a tangle of long limbs and warm skin.
the second day is a day full of the former option. lu han wakes up earlier than he does (it’s a habit, this early rising thing) and wakes him up with a forehead kiss, cheek kiss, kiss on the bridge of his nose. sehun feels the pressure and blinks open heavy eyelids, is greeted with a faceful of beaming lu han and he smiles sleepily in return.
“started off today with your face, that’s how i know it’s going to be a good day,” he mumbles and lu han beams before sehun’s morning breath hits, permeates the air around them and he pulls a face of disgust.
“go wash up,” lu han laughs as sehun swings himself out of bed, padding groggily to the tiny bathroom. sehun does so obediently, returning after he’s washed his face and cleaned his teeth and that’s when lu han pounces, wrestling him back into the sheets and peppering hungry kisses all over his face and neck.
(“so eager,” sehun snarks as he pulls away briefly for a breath of air. he takes a moment to appreciate how dishevelled lu han looks, pupils blown and mouth slightly agape. he reaches up to push it closed gently, fingers tracing the tiny scar at the corner of lu han’s mouth and lu han shivers.
“shut up,” lu han replies, breathless and hair mussed and lips swollen red. holy shit, sehun thinks. i did that. me. mine. “you like it.”)
suffice to say they don’t get out of bed till two in the afternoon, sticky and sweaty but completely pleased. lu han glances at the clock and laughs, saying how they’ve wasted so much precious time but he doesn’t regret it at all. sehun’s just pleased to see that the eyebags under his eyes have disappeared, and that he now looks more carefree when he smiles.
they visit the isle of skye as well, ragged mountains and the wild coastline presenting a picture of untamed, pristine beauty. the fairy pools glisten in the gradual spring sun, the light catching on water droplets and forming the occasional rainbow. it’s picturesque, the ideal setting for a fairytale. the waterfalls are tamer than the one they saw in switzerland, a placid rushing of clear water flowing slowly down the steep outcrop of rock, the very picture of peace and calm.
yeah, scotland is beautiful the way lu han is beautiful.
//
鹿。
they make it to norway before trouble in paradise hits.
sometimes lu han looks at sehun, eyes roving over his lean form, and can’t take a breath because he can’t believe that this boy is his, only his and nobody else’s. there’s always been this feeling of inadequacy, of not being good enough, and it’s plagued him for as long as he can remember. he supposes this is ingrained in all human beings, because humanity is inherently flawed - and if there are flaws to notice, then there are flaws to brood on.
there had also been times when he’d suspected that there were others, daeun and soojung and many other girls prettier than himself, more accepted and welcomed by society. even that time with yoona-sunbae and their w korea photoshoot with jongin had made him think, especially since yoona had pinched sehun’s cheeks affectionately and told him to stop growing because he now towered over her and when did you get so handsome, sehunnie?
they’ve been lucky so far, nobody spitting at or calling them derogatory names, but it’s probably because they’re in the western part of the globe and people here tend to be a little more open-minded, anyway. still, lu han shudders to think about what would happen when they got back to korea, when news of them spreads to all the other asian countries they were once popular in. what would their fans think, what would their families think -
oh, god. family. as if his parents weren’t disappointed enough in him already. he still remembers his mother’s disappointment when he announced his desire to become an idol, silent yet so obvious in her eyes, and the hard line of his father’s mouth, lips pressed tightly together to keep all the harmful words from spilling out. remembers the way his father had risen from the comfortable armchair that had existed longer than he had, pointed to the door with a shaking finger and delivered an ultimatum - if you leave to chase that useless dream then you’re sure as hell not coming back, you hear me?
the old memories prickle, tugging at his heartstrings and meshing into a mess of fear pain anger worry in his chest, settling so heavy on his chest it feels almost tangible. it’s not just himself he has to worry about, either, but sehun’s family as well - he’d met mrs oh before, seen her smile happily as she vocalised her desire for grandchildren, and all of a sudden it hits him in a gargantuan epiphanous tidal wave that being with sehun will inevitably bring about more disappointment to others than anything else.
“sehun,” he calls urgently, the other boy emerging from the bathroom towelling his hair dry after a quick shower. “sehun, we need to talk.”
“missed me so much, huh, i can’t even take a goddamn shower without you calling for me,” sehun quips but he scrutinises lu han’s face carefully when he sees that lu han isn’t laughing and falls silent too.
“hey, what’s wrong? why so serious?” he asks concernedly, sitting down next to him on the bed and lu han realises how natural it’s become to feel the extra weight of another body on the same bed as his. it scares him, especially when his bed used to be sacrosant and untouchable back in the days of exo and shared dorms. this, the enormity of what sehun means to him, scares him like no other.
taking a deep breath, he turns to face sehun, but all the words die on his tongue when he sees sehun’s face. it’s the face of someone deathly afraid, the fear and insecurity easily noticeable amongst dark irises, especially since lu han’s gotten used to seeing them crinkled up in happy crescents so often these days. it’s the face of someone who knows what lu han’s going to say, almost as if his worst nightmares have left the dark of night behind and crept up behind him in broad daylight.
“i was thinking about us. and what we mean.” lu han manages to get out before he sneaks another peek at sehun, who’s frowning and looking down at his own fingers interlocked with each other. it’s a nervous habit sehun’s had since trainee days, and lu han hates - absolutely abhors - the fact that he knows all these little things about the boy he loves. hates that he knows because it makes him harder to forget, as if sehun has already ingrained his entire existence into lu han’s memories.
“you’re going to have to do better than that, hyung,” sehun speaks, voice low and shaky and oh no, lu han can feel himself already fucking up.
“i was thinking about the implications of us,” lu han mumbles, not daring to reach out to sehun lest he pull away. “people will judge us, you know. people will point and stare and they’ll whisper, spread nasty rumours. i don’t want you to get hurt by that. and your parents, your family, they’re going to be disappointed that you chose me instead of all the other pretty girls out there you could have -”
“that’s bullshit,” sehun interrupts, cold and hard and angry. “i don’t want anything else, don’t care about anyone else because - look. i love you. not them. isn’t that enough?” his voice cracks on the last syllable and lu han wavers, bites his lip and tries not to cry.
“it is for me. i just don’t know if it’ll be enough for other people,” lu han manages before, to his horror and mortification, a lone tear is rolling down his cheek. he wipes at it furiously, taking a deep breath before any more can join the sheen on his face. it’s to no avail, however, and more teardrops are falling before he can stop them. halfway through the shaky, shuddering sound of his own breathing and the rough wipes at his own eyes, he hears a long-suffering sigh before sehun slings an arm around his shoulders, pulling him close and dropping him in his lap as if he weighs nothing more than a feather.
“you’re an idiot,” sehun mumbles as he cradles him close and buries his face in lu han’s hair. “i don’t know why you overthink things, but you need to stop that. i’m not going to leave any time soon, especially since i’ve stuck around for so long already. you’re worth it and you need to realise that. okay?”
“it’s not easy,” lu han mumbles, “it’s not easy being with you because i’m always left wondering why you chose me. me, of all people, when you could have had anyone else, and i never feel like i’m good enough for you -”
“stop.” sehun’s voice is forceful, his grip tightening. “don’t ever say that again. you’re worth it, you are. and don’t you ever stop to think that maybe i feel the same? that i’m not good enough for you because you’re older, more mature than i am? that that’s the reason why it took me so long to tell you i love you?”
“that’s rubbish,” lu han begins incredulously, but sehun’s next words cut him off.
“yeah. see? rubbish. that’s the way i feel whenever you talk about yourself not being good enough.” and lu han looks up, sees sehun’s eyes now hard and impenetrable with a certain weariness, the corners of his mouth turned down and feels terrible. feels terrible for making sehun worry, for piling all his shit on him.
“i’m sorry,” he apologises, voice trembly in the silence. “it’s just that sometimes, i look at you and cheesy as it sounds, i can’t believe you’re mine.”
“well then, you know what? we’re even,” sehun replies, ghost of a deprecating smile lurking at the corners of his lips.
they stay up talking until three a.m., putting out all their worries and doubts and clearing the air. lu han doesn’t want to sweep it under the carpet, pretend it never happened and allow it to fester, so he brings up all his insecurities and fears about their relationship and they talk it out. it had always been the most effective solution, anyway, more so than fights and shouts and tears, as proved from the many squabbles that had broken out between the members back then. junmyeon and kris had always sat both parties down, faces impassive and stern, and made them talk it out civilly. although firm, junmyeon’s small face had always broken out into a bright smile when both boys managed to resolve their arguments, their tiny leader elbowing kris enthusiastically until he conceded with a pained ‘oof’.
the next morning, lu han approaches sehun tentatively, not sure how to act after their conversation last night, but sehun merely smiles gently, the expression in his eyes saying don’t worry, i’m not mad, and lu han lets out a little breath of relief.
things return to normal, albeit with an undercurrent of calm and placidity because they’ve talked it out, worked out the kinks and smoothed it flat. lu han’s glad, and he thinks sehun is too. and somewhere in between their almost-arguments and being in love, lu han learns what’s important, learns what to keep and what to let go.
//
the main reason they come to norway is to see the northern lights, the aurora borealis. as they huddle together in thick winter jackets under the dark night sky, they listen to the audio guide as it explains the phenomenon.
did you know, that the northern lights are actually the result of collisions between gaseous particles in the earth's atmosphere with charged particles released from the sun's atmosphere?
“that’s beautiful,” sehun whispers.
“what is?”
“hmm? the northern lights. the fact that something so common resulted in something so pretty,” sehun mumbles, eyes downcast as if he’s afraid lu han will laugh at him.
“silly boy,” lu han chuckles, reaching over and gripping his chin with that habit he’s cultivated over the years. “why so shy?”
before sehun can answer, however, the colors swirl into existence, the ghastly shades of pink and green almost a phantasmagoria in the contrasting dark night. only a dream, lasting for a heartbeat only to be forgotten the next morning.
lu han stares up at the sky, at the transfixing dips and glides, thinking of fairytales and folklore, stories his father used to tell him about gods and goddesses in the sky. maybe those historians were right about something. for once.
//
勋。
new york, their next stop, is exciting, a place which smells of freedom. a place which is saturated with the unspoken desire to be, to merely exist in a state of being that is so truly your own nobody else can take it away from you. this is america, the country of freedom sehun’s heard so much about his whole life, and they are finally in it.
“hey,” lu han speaks then, startling sehun from his thoughts. “do you remember los angeles?”
“LA? what happened in LA?”
lu han pouts at him, crosses his arms and looks upset. “i can’t believe you don’t remember,” he says sadly.
“oh. was it the time we went to disneyland and you had that ridiculous apple hair?” sehun laughs, ruffling his hair fondly as lu han tries to shy away.
“shut up, it wasn’t ridiculous, you said it was cute --”
“yeah, it was,” sehun smiles at him fondly. “but it was also ridiculous. you’re just lucky i liked you too much at that time to call you out on how stupid it looked.”
lu han’s mouth opens and closes unattractively. “wait - you - liked me even from then? sehun, that was so long ago -”
“i know,” sehun replies simply and lu han shuts his mouth with a snap. but then he beams at sehun, eyes twinkling as little laughter lines crinkle in the corner of his eyes. cute.
new york is a breath of fresh air, languid and relaxed. here, they decide to just take it slow and act like normal tourists, visiting all the massively crowded tourist spots just to see what it’s like to truly be on vacation. they spend a few afternoons at central park, just lying on a secluded spot somewhere on the massive grass patch and taking silly selcas. sometimes they talk and sometimes they don’t, preferring instead to just relish in the time spent in each other’s presence. at night, they opt for musicals, buying tickets for the lion king or phantom of the opera on a whim and laughing as they strut down broadway, pretending to be revered film stars.
they steer clear of the metropolitan art museum and museum of modern art, lu han saying he’s had enough of crowded places like those after the louvre and sehun claiming that he’s never understood art anyway, not after kris arrived on the scene. they avoid the empire state building too, lu han suggesting it half-heartedly while sehun shoots him a withering look.
(“you’re like a fucking masochist or something, i swear,” sehun grumbles as lu han pouts and snaps shut up, it was just a suggestion . sehun laughs, pulling him closer and planting a kiss on his temple.
“thank you for trying, though,” sehun smiles sweetly and lu han feels his defensiveness dissipate, morphing instead into a huge rush of affection for the boy next to him.)
they also visit ellis island, sehun pleading to see the iconic statue of liberty as lu han laughs at his eagerness. honestly, as much as sehun has grown up, there are still the occasional glimpses of boyish excitement and wonder, something lu han thinks he lost a long time ago and is only now just rediscovering because of this boy who has come to mean so much to him.
bronx zoo is even better, sehun excitedly shaking lu han’s arm as they approach the penguin enclosure (‘look! penguins!’ ‘...’) and threatening to push him into the crocodile enclosure. lu han shrieks with laughter as sehun’s arms come up to encircle his waist, pretending as if he were going to lift him up and throw him over the high walls. sehun’s laughing along too, telling lu han to shut up as he’s making a ruckus, but it’s only a half-hearted attempt since he’s the one causing a large part of the noise pollution.
new york leaves an impression on their hearts, one of their favorite places in the whole trip mostly because of how time seemed to stop for them there; almost as if life were trying to make up for the years and youth that rushed by during their career.
//
they decide to return home after america, wallets considerably lighter but head and heart filled of memories. besides, sehun is homesick and yearns to be back in his native korea, aching for the familiar sounds of korean and the sight of hangul.
“hey, do you remember? japan was the place we witnessed our first silver ocean,” he asks, watching lu han’s face carefully to gauge his reaction. sehun’s still not sure if this is a sensitive topic for lu han, ready to retract and stop pushing the topic as and when he needs to.
“of course,” lu han smiles, the soft smile he saves only for sehun and nobody else. “it was really moving, you know? it’s like, super junior had their sapphire blue ocean, dong bang shin ki had their red and we had nothing, couldn’t even dream about it but then it happened. and it was so pretty, i finally understood why oursunbaes cried at concerts.”
“yeah, those were good times,” sehun leans back in his seat and fiddles with the controls, reclining in the airplane chair as he tries to find room for his legs in the cramped leg space.
“of course,” lu han says contentedly. “you know, however hard it was, i guess it was worth it. making music and seeing our fans’ love was worth all the jet lag and cheesy lyrics and ugly outfits. still, i’m just glad we don’t have to deal with that any more, because it can really tire a person out after a while, you know? now stop kicking around and let me sleep in peace,” he complains as he curls up on sehun’s chest, pressing closer in order to find a comfortable position. sehun just smiles and lets him be.
in a few hours, they’ll be landing at incheon airport, feet planted firmly on home soil, with all of their group members waiting to welcome them back. he’s expecting copious amounts of ribbing and teasing when they do rejoin their friends, but that's nothing out of the ordinary. rolling his eyes, he turns off the seat light and throws the blanket the airline’s provided over both of them, careful not to wake lu han in the process. then he closes his eyes and waits for sleep to claim him, listening out for the rhythm of lu han’s breaths to lull him into slumber.
he jolts awake with a start six hours later, lu han shaking him none too gently. “wake up sleepyhead, we’re back,” lu han laughs as he holds out a hand. sehun sneaks a glance through the window and recognises the runways of incheon airport, made all too familiar as they jetted back and forth around the globe at the peak of their career. smiling, he reaches out to grasp lu han’s hand.
“well then, let’s go home.”
fin.
+ written bc of copious selu moments at the japan fanmeet i.e. selu ramen date which is important!! also blame @miyoungwons she is the person who started it all.
+ title from exo m's don't go.
+ i'm sorry for this hot mess thank u for reading up till this point this is the longest thing i've ever written and it's selu whoopee hahahaha kill me like it's 14k words worth of crap