(Untitled)

[shreena]

I meant to post about this ages ago because a discussion on someone else's journal prompted me.

I absolutely hate the following conversation:

Someone I don't know:  Where are you from?
Me:  Cambridge
SIDK:  But where are you really from?
Me:  I was born in Newmarket.  Does that help?
SIDK:  But where were your parents born?
Me:  My mother was born in

Comments

[fjm]

Yep.

Re: Not just non-white

[shreena]

Yeah, I was just pondering the accent thing. quizcustodet gets asked about his American accent a lot too. I think that part of it is the same - the lack of realisation that this is likely something that the person in question is bored of talking about - but that part of it is different in that I've never heard anyone query his answer. I.e. no-one seems to ask pursuing questions that amount to doubting his own classification of where he's from.

Re: Not just non-white

[oedipamaas49]

Exactly. I get this a lot in Berlin, because I have an obviously foreign accent. It's tedious, but I'm fairly sympathetic because people are often desperate to start a conversation, or trying to subtly ask if I'd rather talk in English. I've never had anybody challenge my responses - if they did, I'd be hopping mad about it.

Re: Not just non-white

[lisekit]

I get asked a lot about my "American accent", too! People just get fixated on weird things.

[angoel]

I'd be tempted, at the point at which the conversation reaches parents / grandparents, to turn the matter round and start asking about their parents / grandparents. But this would maybe not be constructive.

[shreena]

The whole thing makes me deeply uncomfortable. I don't like being overtly confrontational in a social setting. I do want to counter with things like "and where are yours from?" in an effort to make them see that it's deeply weird to quiz someone you've never met before about the birthplaces of their great grandparents but I'm worried that I'll come across as huffy/rude/something.

[detroitfather]

That would be so cool.

[secretrebel]

I've had the same thing too many times to count. I am British Asian, born in North London. My mother was born in Hampshire, my father also in North London. My Grandmother was born in India. But for some reason I appear to look mediterranean to most people.

The most irritating part of the whole interaction is to be told I don't look Indian at the end of it. I might not look "Indian" but I clearly look "dark" enough for strangers to quiz me on my ethnicity.

[shreena]

The most irritating part of the whole interaction is to be told I don't look Indian at the end of it. I might not look "Indian" but I clearly look "dark" enough for strangers to quiz me on my ethnicity.

I'm torn between finding this hilarious and feeling really bad for you!

Have you ever found the magic response to this? I'm still looking.

[secretrebel]

I find a sarky "okay I lied, I'm Italian" will sometimes work. :)

I'm lucky enough not to be a victim of most kinds of racism because I pass for white 60% of the time. (Not because I'm trying to pass, you understand.) So this "here do you come from" malarky serves to remind me of how much asshattery I don't have to suffer and I find it irritating but dismissable.

[beingjdc]

Not that you have to be non-White, an unusual surname suffices.

[shreena]

Fair enough. I will admit that one of my more minor reasons for not wanting to change my name after I'm married is that I don't want tacked on to the typical conversation a question about how it is that I have a British sounding surname and having to then answer a barrage of questions about my husband, his parentage, etc.

[cangetmad]

Yeah, as I mentioned above, ditto. Less annoying and offensive because it's not done on sight, but out of the same "classify the perceived alien threat" instinct.

[piqueen]

I get that all the time. My surname is German, my ancestors were German on the paternal line only 300 years ago. This doesn't in any way make me German!

It's something only a few people ask about though although probably that's because we don't tend to use surnames when we introduce people in informal settings.