Everything's bad. I'm cutting all the time. When I'm upset, when I'm angry, when I can't think, whenever I want to. It's so addicting. Each time I want to dig a little deeper, look myself in the eyes in the mirror while I do it, demand that there be no pain in my gaze. Sometimes I succeed, but I love the tight, pursed line my lips make ( Read more... )

So, a lot of things have been going to shit lately. The job happened first, I think. My position as medical receptionist, which was promised to me by my direct supervisor, has now been taken from me. The director decided to hire one of "his people" in my stead, and she starts April 14 ( Read more... )

The knowledge that I may have another six months to feel like this before I have insurance is definitely discouraging. I'm so afraid of therapy, of finding out that there's nothing anyone can do for me, that I'm so broken they don't even have a pill for me; but I know that's something I have to face to be healthy and a healthy half of my marriage ( Read more... )

I don't remember what my last post was about, but we have a ball python now. Her name's Cleo, and she's wonderful. She's a couple days away from her first shed, and I hope it's a clean one ( Read more... )

Well, I made it through my first full week at HME and came out not too battle-scarred. I think it definitely went well. They left me alone at the desk from Monday, and so I just called back to Erin or Tracy when I had questions. It went fairly smoothly, and I only tripped over a few things, and so far Steve and Frank, my supervisor and director ( Read more... )

Well. The first day at my new job - although whether I'm temp or temp-to-hire is still up in the air - went surprisingly well. I got there early (of course) and was immediately given a tour by the respiratory therapist. Then, the girl who'll be training me arrived along with someone else that was very nice. I got another tour. I went through a ( Read more... )

And... I just got a call from Amanda at Randstad. She just got a call in for a medical receptionist at a VNA/home medical equipment office. I talked with Chris and took the job. It's temp-to-hire, at least two weeks. Eight a.m. to five p.m. Ten to ten twenty five an hour. Phones, data entry, meet and greet. She said it would be really ( Read more... )

You know what, I'm just so sick of things. I've been posting on the forums at self-injury.net, and I tried to today, because it usually helps me feel better to leave some advice or "I can relate, I feel this way" for someone. But today there's so much tension in my body, mostly in my legs and chest. Yet again I can't stop crying. My arm hurts ( Read more... )

I had my interview at the temp-to-hire agency Randstad today. It was long, about two and a half hours total, but overall I suppose it was a good experience. Most of it involved taking 'tests' on a computer there to assess my skills - from math to customer service. I did my best, but by the end I was so sick of it all that I admit I was half- ( Read more... )

The night didn't get much better. I tried, I tried to be comforting, and I tried to be loving, and I tried to caress him and hold him and reassure him. But he didn't really want it. I begged him to come to bed, please come lie down. I remined him gently that he had work early in the morning, and he at least needed to rest. So he went upstairs ( Read more... )