the alarm sounds next to my bed, i reach over and press a button to give myself some more time to stay, right where i am. Again it goes off like its trying to tell me to get up, you have somewhere to be. But, really its just a reminder of what time it is, and the minutes that keep passing. I would think the mornings would get easier, but instead ( Read more... )

I need you right now, it seems your all I have left. I know we have never been good at the whole talking thing, but I need you to listen, I need you to care. In this case no one else understands at least not that well, you've lived it with me, and even longer than I. I need you to be there, although you never were able to before. I've accepted the ( Read more... )

I know with this way of life you are supposed to open up and talk to people, that you are not supposed to take on the world alone. It just seems that at the times where I open myself up to different people, i don't feel a comfort or a conversation to follow. Just a brief exchange of words, that doesnt feel like enough to me. I try and it feels like ( Read more... )

It pains me to wake up each day, feeling as if its a new one. To repeatedly take the positive note over the other one. To be unable to slide back into the darkness that I've grown so comfortable in. And knowing that I can't go back. The change has happened, and no matter what I could try to do it won't ever be the same. Cause once you know or ( Read more... )

my fists are still bloody ( Read more... )

So here it goes, I finally made the first steps.. Jenna is going to school. Damn now it feels real, and exciting but at the same time a bit frightnening. Its a bit confusing and I have to get all this shit together just to attempt to learn something. And you know what I'm lazy, I dont want to run all over the place getting documents taking tests ( Read more... )

I watch as life goes by out my window, i feel the joy as it comes over me. Things aren't bad, and the sky is beautiful. Sometimes I can just stare out the window and get lost in watching the wind move the leaves on the trees. Such a simple thing that can hold my attention. Cause the unseen force of nature that makes the trees dance is so beautiful ( Read more... )

torn between the broken lies ( Read more... )

So I had to speak lastnight. It is what I hate to do most of all. I have had fear of speaking in public since I was young and in school. I would never raise my hand and dreded being called on. Thank whatever, that the lady that asked me to speak didnt tell me until 930pm the night before, that I was speaking. Cause that would have given me too much ( Read more... )

I want to fuck until it hurts, with strangers, lovers, with friends. I want to (chain) smoke all night till my throat is raw and stomach cant take it anymore. I want to scream until my vocal cords give out on me. I want to run as hard as I can until I collapse in the middle of the street. I want to cry till I cant breathe, till I pass out from the ( Read more... )