You were never that good at finding things. It’s especially hard when you don’t know what you’ve lost. All you know is that something isn’t right-- a subtle shift laid down across your mind like a dark, wet blanket-- but it makes no difference. It’s beyond your control, as far away as anything else, and in the long run not worth any real concern to ( Read more... )

As I drove to work today, singing along numbly to Lovesong by the Cure, something inexplicable happened; I think I actually felt something. For a humble moment, however brief, I felt the tiniest twinge of emotion trying to eek its way out from somewhere deep inside. If I didn’t know better, I might describe it as the desire to love somebody. But, ( Read more... )

My mood cycles into different shades by the week. This week’s forecast calls for hazy summer skies of indifference, frequented by unrelenting clouds of emptiness and self-loathing, and the occasional shower of why-can’t-I-find-any-fucking-music-I-want-to-listen-to. It is advised you stay indoors ( Read more... )

When you have a sleep schedule as disturbed as mine, it means occasional disorientation. You're out of synch with the rest of your immediate world, the people within it, the sun above, and everything else, always moving, going their own directions, more or less oblivious to you and your last good escape ( Read more... )

I secretly suspect that I have lung cancer. Or maybe I just secretly hope. The thought first occurred to me a few weeks ago while driving, and it actually made me laugh out loud. Not because I thought it was so unlikely, but because it would be so fitting. The past few months have convinced me that someone or something out there thinks I'm meant to ( Read more... )

Looking to self-diagnose? Glance back through your last 20 journal entries. A portrait of your life is right there in your moods.

bored
bored
bored
tired
tired
sympathetic
discontent
peaceful
empty
steady
bored
anxious
needy
reflective
contemplative
annoyed
okay
whatever
bored
bored

Aside from an occasional journal entry, I haven’t written anything self-initiated in perhaps a month. No thoughtful little notes, no random fiction, and no work on my story; that strange little piece I’m periodically obsessed with. A Question of Faith must remain on hiatus until I start to feel fanatically lonely again. When the theme of your story ( Read more... )

I got stung by a wasp today. I think he was angrier about it than I was. Clearly it was his parking meter to begin with, and I had no right to go sticking coins in it. He even warned me beforehand, buzzing around aggressively before finally jamming his stinger into the side of my face. Serves me right, I guess ( Read more... )

It's another quiet night. No real mood to characterize it ( Read more... )

You say you won't give in. You tell yourself "Not this time". You even believe for a second it'll happen. But it's doesn't ( Read more... )