CHRIS QUOTES THINGS FROM "BOOK OF DAYS: A NOVEL"

[sideburnpower]

Guess what bestselling Christian Author has written another book? Yeah, that one. I read it. To procrastinate. It, sadly, lacks the homosexual subplot of the previous book. But the writing is still horrible.

So, let's look at it. For fun.

Comments

[spartydragon]

First I am expected to believe that the little, in-a-town-of-1700-people deli has Diet Mountain Dew, a drink that nobody would ever choose to drink. Then I am expected to believe that not only do they carry Pepsi products that nobody wants to drink, but they also carry Coke products, and thus have to deal with two totally different soda distributors.

You'd be surprised what you can get at tiny little deli's in tiny little towns. Big Creek's General Store (and deli) had all of said products. Big Creek's population is 175 as of the last census. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Creek,_California I used to live there.

[sideburnpower]

WELL. GOOD FOR YOU.

But.

I still.

Don't want to believe it.

[spartydragon]

Blame Pepsi, Coke and Starbucks for absolute market saturation.

There isn't a Starbucks in Big Creek, but you can still get the coffee.

[sideburnpower]

See, I'd have to drive 30 miles to get to a place that would sell me Starbucks Coffee.

Then again I don't live in the Pacific Northwest where, evidently, fair-trade coffee routinely comes out of water fountains.

[arafel]

...Someone got paid to write this.

Someone wrote this and got paid.

*weeps*

I like diet Mountain Dew. *hides in the corner*

[sideburnpower]

Someone got paid to write this. And the previous book.

He was paid money by Good Christian Publishers to churn this out.

He has another one coming out in a few months. I CANNOT WAIT.

Thanks for the torture, Book of Days Author: The Post Subject

[dalaranj]

He only wrote this book so he could get in Jerry Jenkins Christian Writer's Guild.

The criteria is, of course, that you have to have a book published

A) with at least one main character that is named Cameron,

B) with at least one character that is an "investigative reporter."

Re: Thanks for the torture, Book of Days Author: The Post Subject

[sideburnpower]

Yeah, I really thought about that, too.

"Oh. Cameron. Like. Left Behind. That's. Great. Thanks, Jerry Jenkins."

[finnigan_geist]

Also, there was not any homosexual-subplots running around where Cameron spends his time lusting after a guy whose name is one letter away from Dick.

I'd think that would make this less fun than Rooms actually.

Brandon did a bad version of The Twist that made him look like he was dry heaving

No, he had THE DRY HEAVES, that's a different thing, clearly. A thing you can look like you have while doing the twist. "Oh no I have the dry heaves and now I'm rotating my torso slightly back and forth auuuugh these terrible the dry heaves"

you see

[sideburnpower]

That was actually me pining for the homosexual subplots. It was both awful and yet captivating, waiting for the next scene where whoever-it-was would be enthralled by Rick's wonderful personality and linebacker physique.

OH, THE DRY HEAVES. THE THING YOU CAN GET THAT ALMOST LOOKS LIKE THE TWIST. HOW SILLY OF ME. OF COURSE.

[caligraphunky]

Christ the banana argument. I hate the stupid banana argument.

ALSO what on Earth is the advantage to having a huge book at the end of a tiny little tunnel to begin with? Why would you make a book that's SO FREAKIN' HUGE? What's the point? 5 feet is only about a foot shorter then I am.

"Priceless" jokes haven't been relevant for like a decade. Somebody published that. Somebody looked at that and thought it was in any way acceptable. Blows. My. Mind.

[sideburnpower]

The point of the book is to create a fake BOOK OF AGES that will make people who are searching for it find THE SECRET HIDDEN TREASURE but end up having a giant book that doesn't have any writing in it at all.

So that they will go "Oh it was all just a thing settlers in the 1850s did" and go away thinking that the legend was POINTLESS AND WRONG AND NOT FIND THE REAL ONE.

Now the utter senselessness of putting a book in a sub basement room that was, evidently constructed before the hallway was to get to the room is never questioned. Everyone just goes "Wow he built this around the book."

Working in an Italian man's garden for an hour? $9. Downloading this book off of a file sharing website? $0. Knowing that paying zero dollars for this gets the author exactly what the author deserves for his work? Priceless.