i spent sunday through tuesday with a girl and it was so good that the events combined with the feelings and mood of the whole excursion would just come out as a really fucking big runonsentence. and this journal thing is already swarming with the aforementioned error in composition, which i learned in school is unacceptable and eventually will ( Read more... )

lonely is when you spend six hours by yourself in your car sewing.
lonely is when you think you may die and you decide to just wait it out and see what happens.

i cant help thinking that no matter how much i say to m yself that things will get better its just not going to happen, everything in my life is a binge, everything comes all at once then dwindles off into nothing just when it seems like things are gonna change. and im aware of this, yet everytime i still get worked over, and then the memory of ( Read more... )

its this feeling that theres an abundance of pointlessness in my life that makes me wonder if im really the only thing i have. it seems like everyone around me has a satisfying side of life they can look too if things are starting their inevitable transition from good to gone, but i even question the good these days. and i get more lonely everytime ( Read more... )

yesterday was exactly what i was anticipating. but despite being prepared for a let down i still had a hard time. the high point of my day was buying buy one get one cigarrettes. i saw one friend and he didnt even talk to me the whole night at the apartment. so i got fucked up. and spent my night plaing x box and went to sleep at 5 am. seriously, ( Read more... )

im not really sure how i feel about tommorow. eighteen was such afucked up year that i cant even imagine what nineteens going to be life. i did so much i thought i never would and lost so much. i dropped out of highschool to go to beauty school just to fuck up there and let my family down. i lost my virginity drunk as hell and ignored my morals id ( Read more... )

so i got in a car accident on tuesday. i was on the 118 right by tapo canyon and all of the sudden traffic just stopped and like three cars in front of me hit eachother so i hit my brakes and stopped just in time to not hit the car in front of me. unfortunately the lady behind me lacked my cat like reflexes and smashed into the back of my truck. so ( Read more... )

im a perfect specimen, a barkless tree
a wingless butterfly.
ill never ammount to anything without what im missing.
so the cold is just cutting through my supports
and im stuck lying still and stiff
its no use trying or caring at all
when theres was nothing worth saving to begin with

so far this summmer (yes three m's) ive done nothing productive at all. ok i wrote some new songs but that isnt getting me anywherre so at the moment that doesnt help. something needs to come along and put some goddamn spring in my step ( Read more... )

walking off alone with your back to the one you said you loved, stepping out of skin we created together andf its never ending, but you ended it. im prepared for the heartache almost, i could not detect it in your eyes, and every moment that i had to give was dedicated by your side. all the nights we held eachother dear, never did i dream that it ( Read more... )