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[silentwitness]

I came very close to... something... yesterday. What it was, I'm still not quite sure. I wasn't tracking particularly well yesterday, and mostly what I remember is laying on the couch, watching something or other on tv, wishing for a Silence I could never have

Comments

[anonymous]

Glad you're still here.
There is an answer to your pain and scars. There is a way to be free from darkness... I'm just not sure you're ready to look up and find it.
><> Jody

[silentwitness]

I am already religious, if that is, as I believe, what you are suggesting. Quite in fact. I in no way blame God for my... depression, or think he was in any way involved.

No, this weight, this pain I know where it comes from. I know it is all internal. There is no weird chemical imbalance, or crisis of faith. It's based firmly on the fact that I know I'm not a good person, deep inside, I know. And there's not anything anyone, including myself can do about it. All this, it's just me whining to get attention as usual. It's just me trying to create excuses to myself for my own uselessness. I should probably just stop, but I can't seem to make myself.

I guess it's not too suprising that I'm weak in this regaurd also.

[anonymous]

Ah - I see...
I can identify with knowing that inside I'm not a good person either. Yet there is where we seem to differ. *Because* I know I'm not a good person I've realized that I don't meet up to God's standard. I'm not perfect. I'm not even "good enough."
But God sent His son to take my penalty of sin and internal "badness" - and that has made all the difference. He is my hope.
I simply want to share hope with a soul who seems hopeless.
><> Jody

[silentwitness]

Perhaps it is just that I realize that some people are just truly not worth the effort. I am of this kind. There are more important people to concentrate on - people who are good and just need to realize it, people who want to live, deep down. People who deserve that hope. This isn't that simple.