i always used this page, kind of as a sounding board for myself. and my grief over Lis.  I just made a huge mistake tonight.  I bumped into Lis at her new work. and in appologizing , i asked her if there would ever be a chance for us again. she told me in no uncertain terms no.  I feel so crushed and empty. the only girl i ever really loved.  I ( Read more... )

The Man

Walking down the street one day, 
I passed by a man.

I noticed his once proud shoulders were now drooping.
His once joyful face, now looked gaunt.
And his eyes, once kind, 
Were now haunted.

As we passed, our eyes locked.
The gaze shot through me like ice.
A sharp intake of breath, and was pulled.
Pulled into the depths of those blue and gold ( Read more... )

well, i didnt go to irish fest, or even Bristol Reni fair over the weekend.  It was just not a really good day, all rainy and dreary. I did go to a movie with my family though.  we went to see Bourne Ultimatum.  It was pretty good, but i think they are starting to streatch the whole thing too much ( Read more... )

So, its Chris' birthday today.  we never really celebrate his birthday anyway, and my mom has nothing planned because she wants to spend time with christine getting her ready and all before she leaves for Florida tomarrow.  So, I was thinking I might go down to Irish fest.  I thought about it yesturday, but by the time i was done working at the ( Read more... )

      Alright, well, figured I would update.  For starters, I guess I should say that I am a father.  I have an 11 month old son named Lucas Nathanial.  I actually wasnt even sure he was mine until I recived the results from a praternity test in mid May.  His mother is Lisa, and concidering just the way she is naturally, as well as our previous ( Read more... )

I say night terrors, because that seems more fitting than just dream of nightmare.  I just had another one.  I really hate them, and they have been increasing lately it seems. the last one was one a month or two ago, the one before that, probably 6-7 months ago, then another a year or so sgo, and unless i am missing one, the next was 4 years ago ( Read more... )

so, i began taking saw palmetto vitamins a while ago, basically just to ensure good health and all that.  an unforseen side effect however, is that they also increase a guy's shall we say....instinctual... drive.  something that really sucks when you have no one to expend that energy with.  lol, it actually almost makes it a form of torture.  oh ( Read more... )

so i just had a dream.  in this dream, i was in a room somewhere.  there was a bed, and Lis was laying on the bed. i sat down to watch the tv near the bed.  i sat on the floor, next to a night stand that was pretty much as close as you could get to her while sitting on the floor.  then, as im watching, she sits up, and all of a sudden quickly beds ( Read more... )

sigh, you know, moving "forward" is pretty hard.  esspecially in my situation.  Lis keeps creeping into my thoughts.  I will be fine, thinking about the future, and concentrating on nothing other than not dwelling on anything.  then some how she pops in.  and i will be thinking about her.  things we did, things i wanted to do, meetings since we ( Read more... )

hmmm...yesturday my mother and i went to bayshore.  neither of us had been there since it was renovated, and we had both wanted to see what it looked like.  we walked around for a bit, then went into a store.  as soon as we went in, we immediately saw Lis working there.  we looked at eachother, and she asked if i had known she worked there, i said ( Read more... )