2010!!!!!!!!!!!!! any better? hell no ( Read more... )

hmmmm ( Read more... )

So I was thinking the other day, believe it or not i do it often, and of course the my stream of conscience swept me directly into thinking about Jay. and then I started thinking about all the people who have been leaving him comments on his page, some of them I have never even heard him mention, but that isn't what bothered me. I start reading ( Read more... )

It's been 18 weeks since my last entry and it's been six months and 17 days since Jay died. During my leave of absence I lost someone else in my life Isiah Jones was shot in a parking lot outside of lynnhaven mall in march, I couldn't bear to go to the funeral. I barely kept my sanity at the vigil. It's now July and I wonder who is next, I wonder ( Read more... )

I've found it. What you only hear about in the movies ( Read more... )

I can't handle a relationship right now...I still consider myself dating Jay. I thought maybe I was ready...but I'm not.

It's been two months and nothing can fill the giant hole left behind. I still love him with every part of my being. i miss him i want to be with him i want to see him and hold him and kiss him...i would do everything to get to him...i love you jay, if you can hear me if there's anyway that you could possibly know anything just please hear this... ( Read more... )

I wish I could write an entry talking about how much better I am doing and that I actually think I might be happy again...but that would be a lie. I do not think I will ever be happy again. I feel like I am working backwards, I should be getting better but I am sinking deeper and deeper into depression. The hole in my heart is starting to spread to ( Read more... )

Don't think he actually cares ( Read more... )

Lock in at the gym. It was fun, it's nice to stay busy...but I forgot my sleeping pills at home so I only got about an hour of sleep all together. I miss Jay...I always will, I just have to find a place in my mind where I can put his memory where it won't hurt so bad, but I'm starting to doubt that such a place exists.