im just in this constant circle and ongoing cycle of the same bullshit that i brought upon myslef as a child and maybe people dont realize how much all this tears me apart inside that everyday its all i think about that i threw out the past 5 years and noone really knows how happy i could have been ( Read more... )

i guess its the artist inside of me but the constant determination to sculpt my body into what i feel is right has taken over 110% of my thought. i was hoping this would be a phase i went through in highschool. I remember writing down how many months it had gone on back when i was 16 in the journal i used to carry around with me, i figured it was a ( Read more... )

i wish i had the eyes of a child again. i want everything to seem new and pure. i want my vision clear and undistorted. i want to walk up the stairs and have it not hurt.
my body is tired and hateing me. i really dont blame it. i need an awakening. especially on days like this.

on a good note im going back to school.

i really dont even lke updating this anymore so this is possibly my last one ( Read more... )

goodbye 2005 i cant say i enjoyed you ( Read more... )

and with not even the tinyest bit of hope left inside my tired body, ive become quite content with knowing theres no chance of recovory. This lifestyle has grown not so shocking and those around me have realized my dominace, and take a step back and leared to accomodate as well. This has been inside me since i was born. There is no medicine, no ( Read more... )

oh everything in my previous entry is bullshit bc apparently hes giving me signals that he doesnt like me
annnndddddddd
im sick anddd me and lairen are going to get our real estate license an dmake a ashit load of money
and lauren got me high the other night and i didnt bugg out which wa snice
and
thats all
i have work
my life sucks
bye

i havent updated in forever ( Read more... )

god please give me the strength to change ( Read more... )

life is really expensive lately ( Read more... )