On the S&SI bookshelf this month...

[momentsmusicaux]

I spotted this book at the library the other day, was intrigued by the title, and a flick through convinced me to investigate further: Why Mr Right Can't Find You...and How to Make Sure He Does.

I'm not saying we ought to, but if S&SI had a bible, this could be it (apart from Care of Your Recalcitrant Pachyderm, obviously

Comments

[ebongreen]

...[T]he book says that men have what it calls 'sightings' all the time -- you see a woman and you think 'HOT DAMN! She seems just right', but that women don't because they're not always on the look-out. Straw poll, please.

I'd generally agree.

I'll say that I see attractive women all the time, and I enjoy paying attention to the scenery. :-, I wouldn't usually go so far as to think, "She seems just right" because my tastes are broader in the physical and narrower in other areas.

I would also say that 95% of the women I see walking alone are not paying obvious attention to their own surroundings. Seeing someone self-absorbed in transit is a turn-off for me regardless of the package. If a woman isn't interested enough in the world to look around her and visually "smell the roses" as she passes through it, I'm not the sort to "wake her up".

[momentsmusicaux]

...unless she's reading a book, surely?

[ebongreen]

Depends on the book. ;-)

[momentsmusicaux]

Absolutely.

[pinguthegreek]

For me, I only get really turned on by a man once I know them, the aesthetics kind of run through my mind only in terms of is he likely to spend more time in the bathroom than I do ? Or in other words, is he out of my league or not ?

I'm told that I'm cute. I'm yet to believe that enough to approach men out in public randomly.

[ebongreen]

I'm curious - how approachable do you feel you are? Do you smile at a guy, make & sustain eye contact with men who might fit your tastes, nod encouragingly, maybe (ooh!) even wink? Do you carry a "prop" - an unusual piece of clothing or accessory that can be a starting point for conversations? There's a lot that you may already do that can encourage a man to start talking with you

[pinguthegreek]

Ok, here's why my perspective is skewed, in many ways : I was born with a degree of brain damage. And I'm ( perhaps too ) intelligent enough to know that that isn't maybe the greatest thing about me. Although there are many things that are, I hasten to add.

That makes me a bit shy and possibly makes me initially appear unapproachable. Add my Englishness to that....it doesn't help.

I don't travel in a pack, I like being my own person - always have done and always will.

My advice ? Well ( I did look at your profile ) and you do have the advantage of living in a culture where people are more likely to talk to each other. English people only talk to strangers in the middle of an unusual situation. That's why I like the internet, you get to know people gradually through their minds and words, not the size of their body parts.

If I knew what I was doing, why would I still be on this forum ?

none of this has actually ever worked for me, so YMMV

[polianarchy]

making eye contact and smiling is key. winking? i don't think so...that's been relegated to the realm of creepy uncles and painted clowns

"Sightings" explained

[montecristo]

How Men Choose Women by J. M. Kearns It's the same author. The essay appeared in another book.

Re: "Sightings" explained

[momentsmusicaux]

That entire essay forms one of the chapters of the book.