i want matthew to come home right now because i've been fucking going crazy for the last three hours and i totally cried for like ten minutes because his brother and his brother's fiance were playing rap really fucking loud when all i wanted to do for the past two days is just sleep. i feel insane and i know i'm not eating enough and my body feels ( Read more... )

i have to work today and i really don't want to. my mind feels slow. i have to get my shit together like really fast because i've done none of it. and school starts on monday. and everyone will be talking about what colleges they got into or whatever and i've been to lazy to even check. to even be honest because i don't really want to go to ( Read more... )

i woke up with matthew's family and opened presents and it was nice. we ate muffins and watched kiss the girls and played with all of our new silly things. he got me some great things, as did his family and i had a really nice time. and then i came home to give my mother her present, absolutely not expecting anything (she gave me her credit card ( Read more... )

the only seperation that should exist is of human being & genius.

you eat up a city for seventeen years and it's a constant, endless feeling of hopelessness that anything is hidden. and even if it was i don't think i even want to find it. everything is too routine.

i've changed my mind about some things. i'm going to apply to college. i wasn't before because i honestly don't think i'm smart enough for some of the educations being offered. but i guess that doesn't mean i'm not smart enough for somewhere. i don't know where yet. i know that i don't want to wake up hating my life just because i am scared. ( Read more... )

it is so unfair that one of the smartest ( Read more... )

kristy told me about how when she was a junior her boyfriend died a car accident. about how he was on his way to a football game and about how her mom said she couldn't go. about how she went to the store for her mom that night and a girl she knew ran up crying and she didn't understand. about how she still has drawings that he gave her when ( Read more... )