Comments | sirsparhawk: More poems for my adoring fans

sirsparhawk

More poems for my adoring fans

Jul 28, 2005 20:06

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poem

Comments 11

lovable397 July 29 2005, 00:45:35 UTC

Wow minkis thats friggin awsome..i never knew you wrote...new respect for ya brother <3 Lisa Lyn

cool anonymous July 29 2005, 00:47:26 UTC

hey its dan, thats a nice poem.thats amazing that u can think of all that in ur head.

hi anonymous July 29 2005, 00:52:31 UTC

hi dave

anonymous July 29 2005, 00:55:47 UTC

Quite good, but I know if I were to write such a thing I would want more than just compliments. There were a few lines which I felt were a bit stretched:

The curses flew, and teardrops fell.
She cursed at her God, and said, "Go to Hell!"

She beat her fists on every wall,
till she fell sobbing in the empty front hall.

She found that she had been with child,
and the thought of that drove her crazy and wild.

She lived out her days, and bore a son,
the Man's final legacy now had been done.

She gave him up, to be for adoption
and then she concidered her final option.

The part of the story they contain are probably necessary, but I think there are better words/rhymes for it.

The story strikes me as a cross between Pearl Harbor(the movie), and Romeo and Juliet.

stretch sirsparhawk July 29 2005, 01:30:15 UTC

since when do you know that I ever totally conform to the rules of anything?
I'm using a little beauty called poetic license.

And you are? anonymous July 29 2005, 01:53:31 UTC

are you the person who annonymously commented on my first journal and said i knew you? just who are you anyway? plz plz tell me before i go insane and start writing poems like Edgar Alan Poe

Re: And you are? sirsparhawk July 29 2005, 01:56:36 UTC

that was me writing above FYI

katiek4u22 July 29 2005, 01:06:17 UTC

minkis!!! that poem is so amazing!!! i absolutly love it!! if u ever wrote a love poem for me id cry! haha so who are you likin? theres gotta be someone inspiring you to write these love poems

_mr__anonymous_ July 29 2005, 01:14:15 UTC

Is it a love poem? Everyone died in the end...

love poem sirsparhawk July 29 2005, 01:58:11 UTC

its not truly a love poem katie...its a poem about people in love. Thers a difference. As for writing you a poem...i'd have to think a while.
P&D inspire me to write somehow...