...so I got a tattoo of someone else's DNA. Actual size. It looked so good, I got 4,599,999,999,999,999 more.

Now she doesn't recognize me.

Some vapid guy disliked my Toy Story (Midway) Mania! editorial, and then he said vapid things, and then he implied that I'm a murderer.

May this be the first of many haters!

I replied:

Hi, Bob ( Read more... )

I'll include obvious things, like "showering" and "brushing my teeth," just so I'll have more to cross off ( Read more... )

The Empire Strikes Back is the most important sequel since the New Testament. Everyone thinks it's the best Star Wars film...everyone, that is, except George Lucas, who dismisses it as "the worst one ( Read more... )

I was fourteen when I rejected Judaism. It wasn't easy; the religion meant a lot to me, and I felt so betrayed that I chopped off its legs and left it to die on a lava planet--all while lamenting, "You were the chosen ones!"

In Judaism's place, there was a gaping, God-shaped hole. To fill it, I sought out worlds which I knew were designed. ( Read more... )

If God changes the Divine Plan, then He's fallible.

If God can't change the Divine Plan, then He's subordinate.

If God and the Divine Plan are synonymous, then every time you pray for something that doesn't happen, you've insulted God.

"'Ramadan,' huh? Is that where you wait for Jesus to come out and, if he sees his shadow, we get a few more weeks of winter?"

- My cousin, Matt.

I've missed most of the things that he's said in his life, but I'm sure none of them were better than this.

I found out I didn't get a job as a library assistant ( Read more... )

( Read more... )

"They whirl you around, and you play Duck Hunt, and that's the ride."
- Andrew's first impression of Toy Story (Midway) Mania!