it been a few days. so why not?
i want to call him. it's driving me nuts. i want to so bad but i'm holding back and i keep wondering why. i know a lot of it is to do with my mother. i know that i just dont want her to know how bad it is. He called on friday. i "wasnt here". he's been laid off. so i know i can call him and he wont be at work or whtever. but i keep hesitating
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anyways, i resisted the urge to call him and eventually i ended up calling Tom to distract myself and tom came over later and then i felt better.
but yeah. i don;t know what to do about Paul at all.
Jacquie said that his main focus is on me and the baby now... but i have yet to even hear from the fuckhead. So yeah, i guess i'll wait to see what he does before i make any rash decisions.
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oh well. i have figured out that the only reason that i'm still waiting on him to change is because of my romantic feelings toward him. clearly he does nto want to be a part of it and is only telling Jacquie so to keep from seeming a huge asshole in her eyes.
I guess i just don't want to believe that he is actually that useless a human being. but he keeps proving otherwise, so i guess i have to believe it.
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