this is the first night in weeks i haven't passed out at 10pm from lillet, a bottle of wine, benedryl, and melatonin. oddly, i woke up at 4am unable to fall back asleep ( Read more... )

i just want to wear a crisp, white collared shirt with a really expensive watch with a blank look on my face as i watch people degrade themselves. and i don't even have to put any effort into anything. i'm just there and i stare at people, and when i'm over it, i am home immediately and pass out without any consequences ( Read more... )

what is there to express that i shouldn't keep to myself? if kids are so selfish, why are they the first to tell you how they are feeling? what is selfishness?

maybe it feels less as i age, or maybe i age because i am conditioned to feel less? the emptiness hurt when i was young, and now it just exists. have a reached a state of zen or am i

So I went to Cabo San mutherfucking Lucas for a week ( Read more... )

Instead of looking at porn and creeping on Grindr all night after Pooks retired, I decided to catch up on the New Yorkers that my coworker kindly recycles by giving them to me. I also read a few pages of a book about GOD ( Read more... )

I attempted to go out and be carefree this week, and it resulted in dehydration and exhaustion. It felt good going out with a gay guy on Monday. I would say there was a net benefit. I'm not so sure about going out with the coworkers. I think I do feel more comfortable around them, and taking the time to break the comfort barriers is fairly ( Read more... )

I felt so full of life in LA and immediately after I came back. I started the week with a good attitude, and I already feel beat down with dwindling hope that I can rise above mediocrity ( Read more... )

like. i've had this livejournal for a decade.

i just don't get why people in most places can't hang. i was such a fucking apologist for ohio. but it's like, i can still eat cheez-its in bulk and drink my fucking costco size bourbon. here. and it's totally OK to get stoned and talk about how you should cum into your compost ( Read more... )

fucking day drinking. i wish i could do it everyday, then smoke weed, and look at drag queens' facebook pictures ( Read more... )