The news couldn't be better. My archenemy, the bane of my existence is gone. My roommate, Mattew J. Fellatio, has moved out of Barton 118 for good, and he took his Marine Corps paraphanalia, offensive posters, and illegal gerbils with him. I could not be happier. He seriously slept, without breaks, for three days straight. Plus be smelled bad. And
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