So I am completely heartbroken. I want to scream, cry, hit someone, break something. I can't breathe, I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't focus on work, on my play, on anything. I feel as though I am dying slowly. A very slow and painful death of the heart and a relationship that was never a relationship. I made the rules, I thought I could ( Read more... )

You know what? Fuck men, fuck men right in the goat ass. Especially the ones who "have been hurt so bad they'll never open their heart like that to another woman." The problem is not that I want that open heart, the problem is I just wish "that" heart was OPEN. Opening up yourself to others and the universe is something no one but yourself can ( Read more... )

It may sound silly to say but you really kind of get a clue as to who is your friends are and who isn't when it comes to being online and having your own page or site or whatever. And yada, yada, if I'm on the pity pot, oh well. I have the right to bitch, and if it's online so what. Not like anyone's going to see this anyway. I'm not sure if I ( Read more... )

i've dreamed i don't know how many times about getting married. to brian, to dan last night, or to doug. i always know it's not right. last night it felt ok right until they were going to say the vows. i believe joe is so engraved in my head, god, thinking about him is making me cry. i saw gary in my dream too. gary's dead. i still can't ( Read more... )

ok, so why the fuck should i care when i was brought up to love theatre and do it for happiness rather than for leads or attention. but fuck, man, i would like the lead every once in awhile, or at least not be passed over for kelsey burd. i mean come on! i know i fucked up and could have done better, i know that, and that makes it even harder ( Read more... )

my head hurts so bad right now. i can't even think or even want to try to. i can barely get these few words out because the voices in my head are pounding my brain. i can't think. i feel homebound. i really don't want to go out in public. i feel like everyone's looking at me and i really don't want to speak. i need things. i've been asleep ( Read more... )

i am such a terrible person/employee. one who cannot show up on time, sleeps through the day without even realizing it, and leaves a poor, disabled woman on her own. what the fuck am i thinking. i can't believe i did this to another human being. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i know this is the stupidist thing, but i've been practicing wicca for so long now and now they tell me i have to be initiated to be "real". i feel so stupid and angry. i felt happy. like i finally found a religion that was me. and now it feels just like any other religion, constricting and barking orders. i know that's just me being pissed off ( Read more... )

i was told to update my journal by a friend of mine, so here it is. tho i hardly ever use this and i'm sure hardly anyone is reading. anyway it has been a long stressful summer, doused with lots of theatre, therapy, and one sad love triangle. my fight for soc. sec. feels to be trumped because it has taken so long and nothing has happened. i'll ( Read more... )

i've started rehearsing for tommy at the tent. i'm totally stoked cuz our cast is cool and there's this totally hot guy i have my hands on. prrrr ( Read more... )