When you have eaten all the bananas you bought at the store five days ago before they had a chance to turn black.

And it doesn't hurt when I pee, either.

For the record, I have always been a crotchety old man. I do not embrace change when that change involves a further decline in civility and replaces convenience with stupid ( Read more... )

The hardest part about producing this little corner of a growing digital world is in finding inspiration. “Where do you get your ideas from?” many readers have asked me. As I dig through my mail bag, this is hands down the most oft-repeated question. In an effort to be as elusive and cryptic as possible let me just say that I don’t go out and “ ( Read more... )

For those not in the know:

Numberwang is the best game show on the planet.

Angel Summoner and BMX Bandit is the best action show on the planet.

Coverage of People Buying a House and Then Living In It is the best home show on the planet.

Seriously.

Never mind why we went to Cabela’s that Saturday. Call it a morbid curiosity, an excursion into the dark underbelly of redneck culture. A need to see for ourselves the open secret that is the Mecca of white trash fanatics, maybe. We went inside as innocents, unprepared for the sights and sounds of the world’s biggest box store devoted to all ( Read more... )

Just one more reason that Irvine Welsh is one of my favorite writers.... Read the interview here!

Do you shee the beasht? Have you got it in yer shights?
Clear enough, Mish Moneypenny. This should preshent no shignificant problemsh!
For a vegetarian, Rents, you're a fuckin' EVIL shot!

1. Stick of dynamite in the banana peel.
2. Rocks and pebbles in the flung poo.
3. Masturbating in front of all the little children.
4. Explaining the Theory of General Relativity with sticks.
5. Learning to speak and subsequently controlling the future.

Rambo, the newest edition to the First Blood franchise in almost 20 years, is without a doubt the best 80's action movie made in the 21st Century. It made me long for the days of Golan-Globus epics like Missing In Action, American Ninja and Delta Force. It is a longing rooted in simpler times when the action was cartoonish and over the top and ( Read more... )

I am woefully unprepared to be a single mother on welfare now that I've quit the drugs, the drinking and the stripping. What'll really hurt, though, is when I have to trade in the apple red Mitsubishi Eclipse for a shoal gray Dodge Caravan. This girl is unfit for parenthood. Anyone want to buy a baby?

Perusing all the daily tidbits of film news I come across a story revealing what the next James Bond movie will be titled. It is an odd title, even by Bond standards. Apparently it was lifted from the short story collection "For Your Eyes Only" by Ian Fleming himself, so it passes muster with its pedigree if nothing else. To confirm this turn of ( Read more... )