BECCA'S BIRTHDAY PRESENT (one of them) PART THE SECOND
THE ANSWERS TO THE SPECIAL aka_katya EDITION OF THE CHARACTER MEME!
here's the deal: I wrote too much and it won't all fit in one post and therefore, I have to split it up. this is the second part. DID YOU MISS THE FIRST PART? CLICK ON THIS.
a refresher on the cast of characters:
01. Fox Mulder from "The X-Files"
02. Catherine Weaver from "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles"
03. Kenzi from "Lost Girl"
04. Pam from "True Blood"
05. Pinkie Pie from "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic"
06. Sophie Devereaux from "Leverage"
07. John Henry from "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles"
08. Irina Derevko from "Alias"
09. Cameron from "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles"
10. River Song from "Doctor Who"
11. Adelle DeWitt from "Dollhouse"
12. Patty Hewes from "Damages"
13. RuPaul* from "RuPaul's Drag Race"
14. Alex Drake from "Ashes to Ashes"
15. Laurence Dominic from "Dollhouse"
16. Donna Noble from "Doctor Who"
17. Parker from "Leverage"
18. Claire Jackman from "Jekyll"
19. Olive Snook from "Pushing Daisies"
20. Sexy from "Doctor Who"
21. Sarah Connor from "Terminator" things
22. Cara from "Legend of the Seeker"
23. Agent Helo from "Dollhouse" & "Battlestar Galactica"
24. Yosaffbridge from "Firefly"
25. Gemma Teller-Morrow from "Sons of Anarchy"
26. Gene Hunt from "Ashes to Ashes"
27. Dana Scully from "The X-Files"
28. Savannah Weaver from "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles"
29. Daisy Adair from "Dead Like Me"
30. Katherine Pierce from "The Vampire Diaries"
*This has absolutely nothing to do with the real person RuPaul, it's just pretending that the host of Drag Race is a fictional character.
next, the questions and answers (from other people!)! WITH BONUS GAMING THE SYSTEM.
from afrocurl!
If 5 (Pinkie Pie) and 11 (Adelle DeWitt) ever met, what would they drink to pass the time?
Punch! It's Pinkie Pie's special recipe. It's filled with magic, not booze, and that means no hangovers.
Given the correct mission, and the right amount of peril, how would 22 (Cara) and 7 (John Henry) work in a disaster?
Well, the mission would have to be apocalypse-related. John Henry likes making friends with everybody, but Cara would basically be there to make things blow up, so there would be a fair amount of awkwardness. So long as their interaction was limited to John Henry pointing out where Cara's ass-kicking would be most useful, everything would be functional.
From the perspective of 10 (River Song), who is more attractive, 1 (Mulder) or 30 (Katherine Pierce)? Why?
Mulder is the worst boyfriend probably ever, and he would be entirely too fascinated with the whole "from the future, not entirely human" thing, so he'd be entirely unsuitable. And annoying. Katherine, on the other hand, has an identical doppelganger, and we already know that River likes those...
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from likeatruck
If 5 (Pinkie Pie), 11 (Adelle DeWitt), 2 (Catherine Weaver), 3 (Kenzi) and 29 (Daisy Adair) formed a band, what genre would they be and what would they be called? Who would eventually leave the band and cause them to fall into utter disarray?
Well, it should first be noted that there were unusual circumstances that created the band. It all started when somebody was careless with an ancient magical relic and accidentally opened up a portal to Equestria, accidentally letting out a dragon, a few ponies, and Pinkie Pie. As Pinkie seemed the most harmless of all of the magical cartoon characters, Kenzi was in charge of retrieving her. The mad dash down the streets of Vancouver lead them to a secret meeting between Catherine Weaver and Adelle DeWitt. Catherine was totally getting a feel for Rossum and what sort of tech they had that could be used for eventual robot domination, and Adelle was supposed to be seducing her for information. When Pinkie Pie and Kenzi ran by, all that they had accomplished was tea. Daisy Adair was standing a close distance behind, tapping Catherine as often as she could and getting progressively more and more freaked out that she wasn't dying. And unbeknownst to all of them, the same magic that brought Pinkie Pie to the world gave her magical powers, so that all that listened to her had to follow her commands.
So when Pinkie decided she needed a break, to find new friends, and to party, she created a band out of all of the ladies around. And that is how Cupcake Hats was born. (Pinkie chose the name. When they went on the world tour, they would all wear cupcakes on their head. It was a brilliant plan.) As everybody knows, Catherine Weaver cannot sing, so she was given the lead guitar. Kenzi is good at hitting things, so she got the drums. Adelle is an excellent pianist, but pianos are too clunky, so she played the keytar. And Daisy loves attention, so she got to be the frontwoman. Pinkie Pie was the lyricist and the one who bounced around in the background and commanded the audience to dance.
Cupcake Hats were the premiere girl-pop band singing about dessert confections and the importance of friendship.
Well, that was until Bo showed up. She realized that Kenzi was taking way too long and went to investigate, then found herself in the middle of an impromptu sidewalk concert. The music was good, but that was beside the point. While the rest of the band sang about why it was important to let your friends choose which kinds of cake they wanted to eat for themselves, Bo convinced Pinkie Pie that all of her friends in Equestria missed her and that she should go back to visit them. And thus, Pinkie left the band and it collapsed into nothingness. (And then everybody got their minds wiped and woke up with a massive sugar hangover. Well, everybody but the goobot. But she did learn an important lesson about the importance of homemade frosting that day.) AND IT WAS GREAT, THE END.
If 17 (Parker) propositioned 8 (Irina Derevko), how would 12 (Patty Hewes) feel, as the housemate of 8 (Irina Derevko)? As 17's (Parker) significant other, how would 21 (Sarah Connor) feel and subsequently respond?
So, Irina Derevko and Patty Hewes are roommates, and Parker is dating Sarah Connor. But Parker cannot resist the lure of Irina's superior spying skills, and tries to seduce her. So, Irina is clearly Patty's live-in personal bodyguard/private investigator. Patty would be annoyed if someone were to compromise Irina's time, but could be convinced to make an exception if she gets to use Parker's master thief skills to steal some fucking evidence. I don't think that Sarah would especially care, since she and Parker are not technically dating so much as Parker totally helps fund the apocalypse fighting effort and they occasionally do it in all of the places. And it's not like it's easy to get a STD from another lady, and they're totally non-exclusive, so. I'm pretty sure that could end up being a wonderful business arrangement for everybody involved.
How would 26 (Gene Hunt) treat a puppy?
Secretly, as not to ruin his reputation.
Who would 7's (John Henry) pony-alter-ego be?
Well, John Henry has some special circumstances. He was trying to send Savannah Weaver to safety using his time machine, but there was some sort of fuck up and she has disappeared and he needs to search all of the parallel universes to find her. (He started at Hogwarts.) So John Henry is in Equestria, in pony form, trying to scour the place to see if anybody has seen Savannah. ("She has red hair.") Unfortunately, she is not in Equestria, but it is a wonderful place to learn about the power of friendship. John Henry's cutie mark would ordinarily be a computer, but due to the circumstances of his arrival, it's totally a yellow duckie. (Don't worry, he totally finds her safe in Narnia.)
14 (Alex Drake), 19 (Olive Snook), 24 (Yosaffbridge), 4 (Pam) and 30 (Katherine Pierce): which three are Cylons, and which of those know/are sleeper agents?
Well, vampires cannot be cylons, so that knocks Pam and Katherine right out. Our cylons, then, are Alex Drake, Olive Snook, and Yosaffbridge. Yosaffbridge totally knows and really enjoys using her wiles to outwit stupid humans, and is deadly efficient and effective. Alex Drake was a sleeper agent, but her programming went wrong, causing her to think that she is stuck in the 1980s. Olive is too nice to be part of the cylon cause, so she goes out into the world and bakes everybody comfort food. (That's how she's so perky, she doesn't need to sleep.) She read the entirety of the harlequin library!
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from charliechaplin2
If 1 (Fox Mulder) and 30 (Katherine Pierce) had a baby together (whether naturally or adopted), what would they call it, and would it be a boy or a girl?
Fox Mulder's sperm is so magical that it can impregnate even a corpse! (Or is that just Elena undercover? The world will never know!) Even though Mulder needs to be kept away from the hot vampire ladies for fear that the world get sucked into a pregnancy epidemic, Katherine totally stole baby William from his other adopted parents and Mulder has to go undercover and seduce her to get him back.
Who would be more likely to fall in love with 6 (Sophie Devereaux)? 4 (Pam) or 17 (Parker)? And why?
Parker would fall in BFF love with Sophie and have Sophie teach her how to make out, and Pam would fall in love with Sophie's shoe collection.
Would 29 (Daisy Adair) consider being in a relationship with 12 (Patty Hewes)?
Patty Hewes is rich, of course Daisy would try to tap that.
What crime would 14 (Alex Drake) most likely commit?
Assault. On Gene Hunt. Repeatedly.
Would 8 (Irina Derevko) ever become a vegetarian? And why?
She would if it meant she could better assassinate some assholes. That isn't even slightly difficult when compared to some of her other undercover assignments.
If 22 (Cara) shot 20 (Sexy), would 23 (Agent Helo) be a good lawyer and why would this scenario happen at all?
Cara only shot Sexy when the random blue box showed up in the middle of the field and blocked her path. But Sexy was still in box form, so was completely unaffected. Agent Helo is a terrible lawyer, and he is lucky that Sexy accidentally blocked Cara's bullets. (It is, however, unlucky for him that Cara move to a position where a box isn't blocking her shot.)
How many times has 13 (RuPaul) had sex?
How many stars are in the sky?
What is the title of 15's (Laurence Dominic) first novel?
Classified.
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from smercy (I blind wrote the questions with no number in question, and then aka_katya filled in the numbers for me with a random number generator.)
29 (Daisy Adair), 24 (Yosaffbridge), 12 (Patty Hewes), 17 (Parker) and 15 (Laurence Dominic) are master thieves. What are they stealing? And why are they stealing it from 8 (Irina Derevko)?
They are stealing SECRETS. Well, and a whole lot of diamonds. And some hard drives. You know, regular thievery stuff. It's not like inception. Patty Hewes is the mastermind, because she is fucking brilliant. And because she is brilliant, she built her team with a former NSA agent freelancing from the private sector, a master thief, a master conwoman, and an out-of-work actress that has a face that nobody suspects of wrongdoing. It's nothing personal against Irina, of course, it's just that she is the largest receptacle of things that people want to steal.
It is the robot apocolypse. 3 (Kenzi), 18 (Claire Jackman) and 6 (Sophie Devereaux) are trapped in a bunker together. How do they pass the time? Why has 17 (Parker) decided to rescue them?
So we have a rogue demon hunter, a master thief, and a clone! Claire and Sophie totally spend their time trying to find the differences in their bodies, and then Kenzi brings out the booze and they all get drunk. After that, it's basically just drinking and cards and orgies and more drinking and elaborate robot-killing plans. Parker is there just for Sophie, but she can't figure out which one of them is Sophie and is too busy fighting off robots to pick one. Kenzi looks useful enough, so she can totally tag along too. And then they fight some fucking robots with girl power! LIKE THE SPICE GIRLS. (Except with more Gina Bellman. And thievery. And clones. And magic. And eyeliner.)
14 (Alex Drake) and 22 (Cara) are handcuffed together, conveniently next to 23 (Agent Helo) and 4 (Pam), who are also handcuffed together. Why did this happen and how long before it devolves into an orgy?
Agent Helo is dead. Let's just get that out of the way, because Agent Helo breathed on Pam and she tore his throat out and had fun with it. Pam always did like sucking the life out of a good set of abs. So, Gene Hunt got drunk and bored and decided that it would be really fun to see what would happen if he took the most dangerous people he knew and handcuffed them together and see how long it would take for an orgy to break out. (Don't worry, he wasn't planning to videotape it.) Agent Helo wasn't planned, but he was so fucking annoying that Gene decided to throw him in there and have the ladies teach him a lesson. Anyway, after Agent Helo is dead and his hand is ripped off and he is removed from the handcuffs, Pam decided to freshen up her make up while Cara broke the handcuff chain with a karate chop. And then they realized that they were locked in a jail cell together and it was really boring, so Alex brought out a few flasks and they (minus Pam) got drunk and played truth or dare. The third dare involved nakedness and it devolved from there. And that's how that particular cell ended up with 15 bent bars and the bed ripped from the wall.
30 (Katherine Pierce) and 26 (Gene Hunt) are in a fight against a dalek, armed only with a very large magnet and their wits. What happens?
Katherine gets to be the "human" shield, because getting electrocuted with the death ray doesn't actually do much to her. The original plan is that she distracts the dalek while Gene Hunt sneaks around behind with the gigantic magnet and bashes it over the head. In fairness, it was very hastily composed. He's only using the magnet because there isn't anything else to bash the dalek with, and Katherine has to keep pulling the magnet off of the dalek and passing it back to DCI Hunt. There is a lot of frustrated yelling, especially about how the dalek is fucking ridiculous-looking and this is all bullshit. And then DCI Hunt accidentally got the magnet stuck to the panel that opens the shell and reveals the gooey part, and from there, Katherine's super speed and ruthlessness took care of that bitch. And then Gene Hunt kicked the dead shell of the dalek a lot, the end.
8 (Irina Derevko), 1 (Fox Mulder), 24 (Yosaffbridge) and 16 (Donna Noble) are suddenly turned into vampires! 23 (Agent Helo), 3 (Kenzi), and 17 (Paker) are vampire hunters! 19 (Olive Snook) and 26 (Gene Hunt) have magically delicious-smelling blood. 14 (Alex Drake) and 12 (Patty Hewes) are in possession of actual magic powers. They are all locked in a room together. What happens?
So, Irina, Mulder, Yosaffbridge and Donna are vampires. Mulder is the world's most geeky vampire. He just spends the whole time explaining his traits very loudly and to everyone that will listen, and then getting the glowy-eyes and looking in the mirror. Irina was already immortal, so the vampirism is kind of inconvenient, but nothing unreversible. Yosaffbridge totally loves the enhanced strength, and starts trying to find folks to eat. Donna is super pissed. She immediately starts yelling about how all this is bullshit, which endears her to Kenzi. Kenzi already had experience hunting vampires, so the official title doesn't bug her much. And she knows that some vampires are cool, so she doesn't go blindly trying to stake everyone. Not like Agent Helo. It's a good thing that Irina noticed his shifty eyes straight off and shoved him into a file cabinet. Now, Olive snook obviously has super great-smelling blood since she is made of sugar and the sweetest thing around, and she works in a pie shop. Gene Hunt is magic, hence the blood. DCI Hunt totally sees how sweet and delightful Olive is, and then he totally protects her ass. But that doesn't save him from Yosaffbridge, and he has a thing for bad girls with big tits. Thankfully, Alex can just conjure herself a truth lasso and start lassoing Gene to things. And Patty just teleport flounces out of there and starts using her magic on some evildoers. And at the end of the day, all of the potentially crazy people are incapacitated, the police/spy/private eye types are investigating the situation, Donna and Olive are snuggling, and all is well. Oh, and Mulder still hasn't stopped with the glowy eyes in the mirror thing.
2 (Catherine Weaver), 28 (Savannah Weaver), 5 (Pinkie Pie) and 9 (Cameron) are invited to a tea party with Dame Maggie Smith. (in Downton Abbey) Who is her favorite? Who gets kicked out? Is it a disaster, or can they end up in her good graces?
Well, for the purposes of reality, Pinkie Pie is Savannah's favorite stuffed animal who travels where ever Savannah goes. So, we have a Scottish robot, an American-raised Scottish child, her favorite stuffed animal, and an American robot all sitting down to tea with Dame Maggie Smith. Of course, Savannah would start off by insisting that Pinkie Pie be served tea as well. Pinkie Pie loves parties, especially tea parties, and it would be rude to leave her out. This would raise a few eyebrows, but nothing would be too badly ruined. And as Savannah explained, Pinkie Pie likes to be involved in the party, but she's not actually hungry and doesn't really want to eat anything. She just likes to be friends with everybody.
Since Savannah has dealt with a secret robot replacement mother, she is immune to Dame Maggie Smith's eyebrow, not that the Dame is especially employing it in her direction. It is very odd to see Scots and Americans with such flawless table manners, but they are all done robotically with no grace to it. Terrible conversationalists, too.
At the end of the tea, the children and stuffed animals escorted out of the room so that the adults may talk. This is, of course, about business. Secret robotic money business. Savannah doesn't really mind, though, since she has Pinkie Pie with her.
Well, the tea party was by no means a success. The company was far too strange, and the child was far too talkative. However, there was nothing actively offensive done, so it was probably the best tea that Dame Maggie has had in months, not that she wants to endure the company again. There's just something about the American accent that grates on her nerves, and she has enough of that already.
17 (Parker), 9 (Cameron), 11 (Adelle DeWitt), 27 (Dana Scully), 12 (Patty Hewes) and 26 (Gene Hunt) have been transported into a medical drama. Which ones are doctors, which ones are nurses, and who's the asshole hospital admin? 4 (Pam) is a sick patient, which of the hospital staff saves her life? And which two members on the staff are having a secret, forbidden love affair?
Dr. DeWitt is the super formidable and terrifying hospital administrator in: "Body of Competence" (coming to NBC whenever they get the fucking stick out of their asses.) DeWitt runs the show, she runs everyone. Well, everyone but the willful and stubborn genius brain surgeon, Dr. Hewes. Nobody orders her around. In fact, nobody tells her much of anything at all, she is far too busy saving lives to get caught up in petty office gossip. That doesn't mean, however, that the gossip stays away from her. You see, there is a new medical intern with a mysterious past. She only goes by one name, Parker, and she has an uncanny resemblance to Dr. Hewes, but lacks the basic social skills to do much more than the most precise stitches this hospital has ever seen. She could do more, but it's not like Dr. Scully would let an intern overstep bounds. Oh no, Dr. Scully likes things quite within their bounds. All of her paperwork is done promptly and completely, but that doesn't stop the weirdness from sticking to her. They say she used to have a husband, years ago, but he suffered a mental breakdown and was never seen again. Every once in a while, his old friends show up and make weird demands, the newest is that a strange girl, Cameron be admitted to their nursing staff. Scully had to pull some strings, but Cameron, a girl with a mysterious past and a crippling case of literal thinking soon becomes their newest nurse. This is news to Nurse Hunt, who runs the tightest fucking ship on this side of the Atlantic. Don't tell anyone that his heart is made of gold, he only cares about his patients when they're unconscious. And anyone who insults the quality of the nursing staff or makes jokes about masculinity in front of Nurse Hunt is likely to get a surprise to the face. Outside of that, this is an amazingly competent and life-saving hospital, but they are plagued by quite a few cases of very weird happenings. And there are skeletons in closets that just never seem to stay closed. How, for example, can you perform brain surgery on a woman that technically spends the entire procedure without a pulse and have her come out the other end alive? Don't ask Dr. Hewes, she won't tell you. In fact, there are quite a lot of things that should be neither asked nor told, especially if you are the head of this hospital. Oh, which knowledge would be worse if it came to light: the secret illegal stem cell cloning procedures, the recent suspicious disappearance of the hospital's head of security, the nights that she spends in Dr. Scully's bed, or her own ties to the mysterious disappearance of Dr. Scully's lost husband? Don't ask too much, you might fuck this procedure up in... "Body of Competence".
22 (Cara), 8 (Irina Derevko), 6 (Sophie Devereaux), 16 (Donna Noble), 4 (Pam), 24 (Yosaffbridge) and 2 (Catherine Weaver) have been transported into a legal drama. Which two are prosecutors and which two are the defense? Who is the accused party? What is this person accused of? Who is the court stenographer and what does she write in their diary at the end of the night? Who is the mysterious private investigator and who does she work for? And which two people are having a secret, forbidden love affair?
Sophie Devereaux is a good woman in far, far too over her head on the case that may very well end up being the trial of the century, if everyone makes it out alive, on: "Rulings and Regulations". Sophie Devereaux became a lawyer only by chance, she intended to con and rob a rich judge and then got stuck in the role. Now she's the assistant to the District Attorney, Catherine Weaver, on a trial that is dangerous and seems to be falling inside of a rabbit hole that only goes deeper. They're trying to prosecute the serial killer who goes only by "Cara", a woman who has murdered into the 3 digits. She worked for various unsavory and criminal groups for years, before going a bit crazy and freelance. Well, so they think, but can't quite find the evidence to prove. All they know for sure is this, Cara took a katana to a Dave Matthews concert in the September of 2008 and slaughtered 29 audience members and wounded over 100 more, completely without motive. The defense says she's crazy, but Cara is adamant that she isn't. So what if she was systematically tortured and conditioned to be the perfect killer? Her defense team doesn't care what Cara says, they will get her acquitted at all costs. Unfortunately for everyone, Cara got the services of one Irina Derevko, the fucking shark. Her practices are questionable and her tactics are dirty and she rarely loses a case but even when she does, she always ends up on top. Her assisting attorney, Pam, is fearsome, gorgeous and gives away nothing, but only seems to show up at night. They both look like models. They have a dizzying legal strategy, and judges have been bribed. Sophie would be completely lost if not for the incredible competence of DA Catherine Weaver. She works so hard that sometimes Sophie could swear that Catherine didn't sleep, and she has never in the history of her career shown emotion against her will. If anything, she doesn't show enough emotion, that was why Sophie was assigned to the case. She may be completely unfamiliar with the law, but she is brilliant at winning a jury's sympathy. That is, if the case ever makes it to trial. A series of mysterious letters followed by explosions have been disrupting the proceedings, and the police can't figure out where they're from. And there have been threats to the beloved court stenographer Donna, who may have accidentally seen too much. She always sees too much, Donna, since she never needs to look at the keys, and that knowledge might be hidden in her secret diary, if anyone was able to find it. And furthermore, there's a suspicious redheaded private eye hanging around, taking too many pictures and looking too conspicuous, and her name always seems to change. Yosaffbridge should be working for the defense, Derevko does sign her paychecks, but Weaver has secretly been blackmailing her for months. Which side will be brought down by Yosaffbridge's scheming? Who is the mysterious force behind Cara's serial killing training? Is that connected to the threats? What will happen when one of the threats becomes reality? Will Donna manage to survive to the end of the trial with her fingers and diary intact? Will anyone discover the secret love affair between the cool, collected Pam and the cool, collected Cara? What is Pam hiding behind that smirk, anyway? Which side will win? Is Cara even guilty? And most importantly, will Sophie be able to hide that her identity is stolen for the entirety of the case? Find out on... "Rulings and Regulations"
18 (Claire Jackman), 25 (Gemma Teller-Morrow), 15 (Laurence Dominic), 3 (Kenzi), 19 (Olive Snook) and 29 (Daisy Adair) have been transported into a police drama. Who is the grumpy cop in charge? Who is the corrupt bureaucrat at the top? Who is the corrupt cop? Which cop is too stupid and brings the rest of the force down? Who is their secret weapon? Which two are married? Who is secretly a mole for the mob? Which two people are having a secret, forbidden love affair?
Mr. Dominic is a good man, just trying to do the right thing, just trying to keep the people safe, just dealing with the most difficult promotion of his life in: "Flashing Sirens" (coming with no fanfare or notice to ABC and then just as quickly disappearing.) After his beloved partner was washed away at sea and the police building that he loved was partially exploded by a bomb, Mr. Dominic found his life in tatters, and he was the only person able to hold the pieces together. He starts the series as the newly-promoted captain of the force in the crime-stricken Kansas City (MO). His boss is the fearsome Gemma Teller-Morrow, Super Gem for short, and she runs a fucking tight operation. She has no tolerance for mistakes and even less patience, and she is legendary for running the most successful undercover sting in the state's history. Mr. Dominic soon finds that his previously quiet and solitary life is now full with his team. There is the best cop of the bunch, Kenzi, who looks young but hides a fearsome intelligence underneath her eyeliner. Everyone always underestimates Kenzi, and that's how she likes it. Her best friend, Olive Snook, is their most effective undercover agent, when she manages to get out on the field. You see, Olive is sweet. Too sweet. The rest of the team must band together to keep her from harm and jadedness. And if Olive is dead, who will bring them their donuts in the morning? The job is especially hard for Claire Jackman, a brilliant detective with a bitter past. They say her husband had schizophrenia and went crazy one day, she knows otherwise but doesn't say so. Detective Jackman doesn't have many friends, and that's not by choice. Her life is consumed with work, and there is a whole lot of work to be had. The last core member of the team is their newest recruit. Daisy Adair used to be a waitress, but she had a strong love of justice in her heart. She's a good shot, but she's green, and she clings to Dominic a bit too much. Unfortunately for Dominic, the glue binding everything together, jagged lies are threatening to rip his new family apart. Corruption can seep into even the tightest of families, and Detective Jackman needs money to fund the secret search for her husband. A search that might be better aided if she knew about what, exactly, Kenzi was doing on the night of his disappearance, but Kenzi has sworn she will never tell. And Kenzi needs to keep herself out of trouble if her relationship with Olive is going to work out. Olive has said that she'll marry Kenzi, but Kenzi knows that she needs to keep everything on the straight and narrow until she's got that ring on Olive's finger. But Kenzi's secrets are nothing compared to Daisy's, since she grew up dating the son of the area's most influential mob boss, before he was tragically gunned down while they were still teenagers. Yeah, Daisy has connections to the mob that go way back, but then, Gemma knew that. Gemma, it seems, had a harder time pulling herself out of her undercover position in the mob than she ever let on. But that has nothing and everything to do with Mr. Dominic, who is just trying to do the right thing in a world that's gone bonkers. Will they ever find out what happened to Dominic's partner? Will Daisy and Super Gem's affair manage to go unexposed? What will happen when they start getting more bomb threats from the same elusive bomber that last took out half of the station? And will Mr. Dominic realize that he really does need love after all? Find out on... "Flashing Sirens"
1 (Fox Mulder), 26 (Gene Hunt), 7 (John Henry), 8 (Irina Derevko), 10 (River Song) and 21 (Sarah Connor) have been transported into a spy drama. What is the name of their super secret spy organization? How morally gray are they? Who is the boss? Who is the spy intern? Who is the dude who makes all of the special gadgets? Who has the secret evil twin? How effective is the agency? Which three people are having a secret, forbidden love affair?
Irina Derevko is the reluctant leader of a fledgling spy agency gone rogue in: "Moniker" (coming soon and ending soon on FOX.) Irina Derevko never thought she'd see the day when she'd be successfully blackmailed, but that day has come. If she wants to secure the safety of her daughter and her stash of stolen, valuable artifacts, she must assemble a team, much like Charlie's Angels, to do the bidding of a mysterious Mr. Hand. Her first pick was Dr. River Song (it's not her real name) who owed her a favor and a few drinks. Dr. Song is the best sharpshooter around, no matter where on the Earth you place her, and she has a taste for excess. The only thing that Dr. Song can do better than shoot is keep a secret, and oh, the secrets she keeps. The next member of the team is a notorious terrorist broken out of her jail cell in secrecy, Sarah Connor. She's an expert with explosives, and is not bad looking herself. Everything Sarah Connor learned, she taught herself, and that makes her a great. Their next pick up was a tip from Connor, a reclusive genius going by the name of John Henry. His social skills are seriously impaired, but his hacking skills are legendary, and he is fast becoming the top gadget-maker in the business. The next member, still on probation, is a buddy of Sarah's from the slammer. Gene Hunt used to be a cop, but his love for justice and violence got in the way. Now, he's in charge of getting information from bitches by any means necessary. It was a rush job, but Irina thought that the team was a decent start up. She thought she'd run a few jobs, collect information on her blackmailers and bust her way out within weeks. But then she ran into Fox Mulder, a man who got far too deep into information he had no business knowing. He needs protection, but he's too stubborn to see it. But Mr. Hand has ordered that this Mulder be protected under all circumstances, and now Mulder fancies himself a spy. Mulder has even dubbed them The Amalgamation, and it's stuck. It's been two months and Irina is tired of taking orders, that was one of the biggest reasons why she went rogue in the first place. The work is hard, and their practices are dirty; but thankfully, Irina has Dr. Song and Ms. Connor to entertain her at night and during breaks, but the effort keeping the two of them from knowing that they're sharing her bed is beginning to show. Who is the mysterious Mr. Hand? Why are they so frequently in Paris? Who is pulling the strings? How can Irina get out from under the thumb of evil blackmailers? What sort of secrets are Dr. Song hiding in her hair? How can the Amalgamation keep Mulder from sending himself straight into mortal danger without having him constantly handcuffed to things? What does all of this have to do with John Henry's brother? What happens when Sarah Connor shows up to find River Song naked in Irina Derevko's bed? Find out on... "Moniker"
27 (Dana Scully), 9 (Cameron), 25 (Gemma Teller-Morrow), 4 (Pam), 20 (Sexy), 3 (Kenzi), 21 (Sarah Connor), 29 (Daisy Adair), 15 (Laurence Dominic), 10 (River Song) and 13 (RuPaul) are blackmailed, coerced and tricked into making a movie together. But they only have a budget of 100 grand. Who is the director? What kind of movie do they make? Who writes the script? How do they assign the crew? Who are the actors? Who is having a secret, forbidden love affair? How much of a disaster is this production? Is it a masterpiece or a masterpiece?
Well, this ramshackle team of misfits has one idea in mind: "Get this shit done." It is quickly decided that the best way to make money is with a superhero movie. Bitches love superheroes. Since Scully was the first one to come up with the idea, she's nominated as director. However, there is no fucking way that Scully wants to be the fucking director, so she passes it off on to the only other person stupid enough to take it: Kenzi. Kenzi decides to co-write the script with Pam, because she looks cool, River, because she was talking about jumping off of buildings earlier, and Daisy, because she won't stop bugging Kenzi about making her the perfect part.
This is the exciting origin story of Dr. Disaster, the world's most dangerous lady superhero. She can fly, when she feels like it, and she can shoot laserbeams from her fingers with fantastic accuracy. She goes around in a catsuit, because it's practical, and wears a black domino mask because they're easy to find. Beware her lipstick. She was once an ordinary aristocrat, secretly rebellious but relatively tame, until one fateful night. She was at a fancy costume party, but she decided to follow a mysterious stranger in a suit and mask, and she followed him right into a secret hedge maze. She thought that they were going to make out on a bench, but instead, he bit her and then poured some of his radioactive blood into it, giving her superpowers and bonding her to him. He was the dastardly Sir Fiasco, and he named her Miss Disaster. They went on a crime and sex spree together for nearly 3 years, until she remembered that she had a conscience and also that she was into women too and left him behind. She used her super-knowledge to get a doctorate in computer sciences in record time, and uses her genius hacking skills to help solve crime. Well, when she's not taking her skills to the street and ass-kicking in person. The only hamper to her amazing powers is when she has to put her needs aside for someone else. Dr. Disaster was only at half power while fighting with Sir Fiasco, but all of that has changed. Now, she is a single, attractive rich woman, who might possibly be in love with her personal secretary, Ann, but struggles with the burden of keeping a dangerous secret from her. What happens when Sir Fiasco comes back into town intent upon seducing her back, in both superhero and plainclothes avenues? Explosions. (They'll figure out the end of the script when they get to it.)
So once they have the preliminary script (after a long weekend of drunken shenanigans and then somebody spent Tuesday typing it up), production begins. Daisy is cast in the lead role as Dr. Disaster. Unfortunately, there is only one man who can be her leading man, and he had wanted to be the cinematographer. But Dominic, by default, has to be Sir Fiasco, and it's a good thing that he can do stunts. Cameron is the innocent secretary, Ann. RuPaul is playing the role of God, and occasionally a few street thugs outside of drag. The other street thugs are Gemma and Dominic wearing a mask over his face.
As Dominic will be busy acting, the only other person with steady hands is Scully, so she becomes the director of photography and the continuity master. Costuming is mostly done by Sexy, with an assist from River because nobody can tell what the fuck Sexy is talking about. (She keeps talking about how this is better than the sequel. But she seems to be forgetting that there is no sequel, since they haven't even made the movie yet. At least she is of the opinion that the original is way better and that the sequel crew sucks.) Sarah Connor is in charge of stunts and explosions, Daisy is in charge of also making sure that everybody has snacks. (Usually waffles. Nobody knows how she gets them.) River is in charge of getting locations (through whatever means necessary.) Pam stands off to the side of the set and makes sound effects, occasionally does a few of the flying stunts, and fixes people's makeup. Gemma is in charge of security. Cameron is in charge of night security, but she just secretly appointed herself and never bothered to tell anybody.
The production is surprisingly mostly disaster free. I mean, except for the few times when it's interrupted by vampires, succubi, werewolves, aliens and a few random time travel disasters. But those totally add character to the film. The actors work decently well together. It was hard to get Dominic to do anything but a blank deadpan, but Kenzi totally decided that was the direction she was going to give him anyway, so that worked out well. Daisy got lessons in how to glare menacingly from the crew, and made for a surprisingly sympathetic heroine. Yeah, there was random melodrama and screaming and at the beginning of the movie, her punches were totally weak-looking, but she can emote and she looks good in a catsuit. The stunts were fucking fantastic, and River got them pretty fucking plausible locations, and it was all-in-all a decent 2 weeks that nobody can really remember since they were so drunk.
Kenzi totally became the director-monster in the editing room and had a huge power-trip and edited the fuck out of that all by herself, mostly in one sitting. Cameron did the special effects work, since she was good at photoshop and whatever the fuck else they use for special effects (but most of their effects work was practical, so Cameron's hardest job was editing out a pimple that Daisy was flipping her shit about.) Pam stood around and offered bored commentary. Daisy brought waffles and suggest that her role be extremely prominent. She's always in favor of more closeups. Eventually, everyone but Pam was kicked out, and that was only because Pam brought more alcohol.
And then after a fevered week of editing and making a trailor, getting very drunk and accidentally leaving their shotglasses on the film negatives, "Dr. Disaster and the Big Mistake" was ready to be released to theatres.
It was, of course, an enormous cult hit and there were musical parodies and youtube parodies and t-shirts with quotes on them. The movie was generally considered to be a thoughtful deconstruction of the modern superhero cliche, even though it totally isn't. It made an alarming amount of money, even though all of the actors faded to obscurity and it was revealed months later that the director/writer was working under a pseudonym and refuses to make another movie again. (The hangover is not fucking worth it.) They couldn't get any of the original crew back for the inevitable sequel.
The sequel, by all accounts, sucks.
And Mr. Dominic, for the rest of his life, had to deal with random people on the street pointing at him and going, "OMG, it's Sir Fiasco!" (Even in the fucking apocalypse, goddamn.) Kenzi, who totally bonded with Dom during their work together, never ever let that go.
And everybody else lived happily ever after, the end.
here's the deal: I wrote too much and it won't all fit in one post and therefore, I have to split it up. this is the second part. DID YOU MISS THE FIRST PART? CLICK ON THIS.
a refresher on the cast of characters:
01. Fox Mulder from "The X-Files"
02. Catherine Weaver from "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles"
03. Kenzi from "Lost Girl"
04. Pam from "True Blood"
05. Pinkie Pie from "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic"
06. Sophie Devereaux from "Leverage"
07. John Henry from "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles"
08. Irina Derevko from "Alias"
09. Cameron from "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles"
10. River Song from "Doctor Who"
11. Adelle DeWitt from "Dollhouse"
12. Patty Hewes from "Damages"
13. RuPaul* from "RuPaul's Drag Race"
14. Alex Drake from "Ashes to Ashes"
15. Laurence Dominic from "Dollhouse"
16. Donna Noble from "Doctor Who"
17. Parker from "Leverage"
18. Claire Jackman from "Jekyll"
19. Olive Snook from "Pushing Daisies"
20. Sexy from "Doctor Who"
21. Sarah Connor from "Terminator" things
22. Cara from "Legend of the Seeker"
23. Agent Helo from "Dollhouse" & "Battlestar Galactica"
24. Yosaffbridge from "Firefly"
25. Gemma Teller-Morrow from "Sons of Anarchy"
26. Gene Hunt from "Ashes to Ashes"
27. Dana Scully from "The X-Files"
28. Savannah Weaver from "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles"
29. Daisy Adair from "Dead Like Me"
30. Katherine Pierce from "The Vampire Diaries"
*This has absolutely nothing to do with the real person RuPaul, it's just pretending that the host of Drag Race is a fictional character.
next, the questions and answers (from other people!)! WITH BONUS GAMING THE SYSTEM.
from afrocurl!
If 5 (Pinkie Pie) and 11 (Adelle DeWitt) ever met, what would they drink to pass the time?
Punch! It's Pinkie Pie's special recipe. It's filled with magic, not booze, and that means no hangovers.
Given the correct mission, and the right amount of peril, how would 22 (Cara) and 7 (John Henry) work in a disaster?
Well, the mission would have to be apocalypse-related. John Henry likes making friends with everybody, but Cara would basically be there to make things blow up, so there would be a fair amount of awkwardness. So long as their interaction was limited to John Henry pointing out where Cara's ass-kicking would be most useful, everything would be functional.
From the perspective of 10 (River Song), who is more attractive, 1 (Mulder) or 30 (Katherine Pierce)? Why?
Mulder is the worst boyfriend probably ever, and he would be entirely too fascinated with the whole "from the future, not entirely human" thing, so he'd be entirely unsuitable. And annoying. Katherine, on the other hand, has an identical doppelganger, and we already know that River likes those...
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from likeatruck
If 5 (Pinkie Pie), 11 (Adelle DeWitt), 2 (Catherine Weaver), 3 (Kenzi) and 29 (Daisy Adair) formed a band, what genre would they be and what would they be called? Who would eventually leave the band and cause them to fall into utter disarray?
Well, it should first be noted that there were unusual circumstances that created the band. It all started when somebody was careless with an ancient magical relic and accidentally opened up a portal to Equestria, accidentally letting out a dragon, a few ponies, and Pinkie Pie. As Pinkie seemed the most harmless of all of the magical cartoon characters, Kenzi was in charge of retrieving her. The mad dash down the streets of Vancouver lead them to a secret meeting between Catherine Weaver and Adelle DeWitt. Catherine was totally getting a feel for Rossum and what sort of tech they had that could be used for eventual robot domination, and Adelle was supposed to be seducing her for information. When Pinkie Pie and Kenzi ran by, all that they had accomplished was tea. Daisy Adair was standing a close distance behind, tapping Catherine as often as she could and getting progressively more and more freaked out that she wasn't dying. And unbeknownst to all of them, the same magic that brought Pinkie Pie to the world gave her magical powers, so that all that listened to her had to follow her commands.
So when Pinkie decided she needed a break, to find new friends, and to party, she created a band out of all of the ladies around. And that is how Cupcake Hats was born. (Pinkie chose the name. When they went on the world tour, they would all wear cupcakes on their head. It was a brilliant plan.) As everybody knows, Catherine Weaver cannot sing, so she was given the lead guitar. Kenzi is good at hitting things, so she got the drums. Adelle is an excellent pianist, but pianos are too clunky, so she played the keytar. And Daisy loves attention, so she got to be the frontwoman. Pinkie Pie was the lyricist and the one who bounced around in the background and commanded the audience to dance.
Cupcake Hats were the premiere girl-pop band singing about dessert confections and the importance of friendship.
Well, that was until Bo showed up. She realized that Kenzi was taking way too long and went to investigate, then found herself in the middle of an impromptu sidewalk concert. The music was good, but that was beside the point. While the rest of the band sang about why it was important to let your friends choose which kinds of cake they wanted to eat for themselves, Bo convinced Pinkie Pie that all of her friends in Equestria missed her and that she should go back to visit them. And thus, Pinkie left the band and it collapsed into nothingness. (And then everybody got their minds wiped and woke up with a massive sugar hangover. Well, everybody but the goobot. But she did learn an important lesson about the importance of homemade frosting that day.) AND IT WAS GREAT, THE END.
If 17 (Parker) propositioned 8 (Irina Derevko), how would 12 (Patty Hewes) feel, as the housemate of 8 (Irina Derevko)? As 17's (Parker) significant other, how would 21 (Sarah Connor) feel and subsequently respond?
So, Irina Derevko and Patty Hewes are roommates, and Parker is dating Sarah Connor. But Parker cannot resist the lure of Irina's superior spying skills, and tries to seduce her. So, Irina is clearly Patty's live-in personal bodyguard/private investigator. Patty would be annoyed if someone were to compromise Irina's time, but could be convinced to make an exception if she gets to use Parker's master thief skills to steal some fucking evidence. I don't think that Sarah would especially care, since she and Parker are not technically dating so much as Parker totally helps fund the apocalypse fighting effort and they occasionally do it in all of the places. And it's not like it's easy to get a STD from another lady, and they're totally non-exclusive, so. I'm pretty sure that could end up being a wonderful business arrangement for everybody involved.
How would 26 (Gene Hunt) treat a puppy?
Secretly, as not to ruin his reputation.
Who would 7's (John Henry) pony-alter-ego be?
Well, John Henry has some special circumstances. He was trying to send Savannah Weaver to safety using his time machine, but there was some sort of fuck up and she has disappeared and he needs to search all of the parallel universes to find her. (He started at Hogwarts.) So John Henry is in Equestria, in pony form, trying to scour the place to see if anybody has seen Savannah. ("She has red hair.") Unfortunately, she is not in Equestria, but it is a wonderful place to learn about the power of friendship. John Henry's cutie mark would ordinarily be a computer, but due to the circumstances of his arrival, it's totally a yellow duckie. (Don't worry, he totally finds her safe in Narnia.)
14 (Alex Drake), 19 (Olive Snook), 24 (Yosaffbridge), 4 (Pam) and 30 (Katherine Pierce): which three are Cylons, and which of those know/are sleeper agents?
Well, vampires cannot be cylons, so that knocks Pam and Katherine right out. Our cylons, then, are Alex Drake, Olive Snook, and Yosaffbridge. Yosaffbridge totally knows and really enjoys using her wiles to outwit stupid humans, and is deadly efficient and effective. Alex Drake was a sleeper agent, but her programming went wrong, causing her to think that she is stuck in the 1980s. Olive is too nice to be part of the cylon cause, so she goes out into the world and bakes everybody comfort food. (That's how she's so perky, she doesn't need to sleep.) She read the entirety of the harlequin library!
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from charliechaplin2
If 1 (Fox Mulder) and 30 (Katherine Pierce) had a baby together (whether naturally or adopted), what would they call it, and would it be a boy or a girl?
Fox Mulder's sperm is so magical that it can impregnate even a corpse! (Or is that just Elena undercover? The world will never know!) Even though Mulder needs to be kept away from the hot vampire ladies for fear that the world get sucked into a pregnancy epidemic, Katherine totally stole baby William from his other adopted parents and Mulder has to go undercover and seduce her to get him back.
Who would be more likely to fall in love with 6 (Sophie Devereaux)? 4 (Pam) or 17 (Parker)? And why?
Parker would fall in BFF love with Sophie and have Sophie teach her how to make out, and Pam would fall in love with Sophie's shoe collection.
Would 29 (Daisy Adair) consider being in a relationship with 12 (Patty Hewes)?
Patty Hewes is rich, of course Daisy would try to tap that.
What crime would 14 (Alex Drake) most likely commit?
Assault. On Gene Hunt. Repeatedly.
Would 8 (Irina Derevko) ever become a vegetarian? And why?
She would if it meant she could better assassinate some assholes. That isn't even slightly difficult when compared to some of her other undercover assignments.
If 22 (Cara) shot 20 (Sexy), would 23 (Agent Helo) be a good lawyer and why would this scenario happen at all?
Cara only shot Sexy when the random blue box showed up in the middle of the field and blocked her path. But Sexy was still in box form, so was completely unaffected. Agent Helo is a terrible lawyer, and he is lucky that Sexy accidentally blocked Cara's bullets. (It is, however, unlucky for him that Cara move to a position where a box isn't blocking her shot.)
How many times has 13 (RuPaul) had sex?
How many stars are in the sky?
What is the title of 15's (Laurence Dominic) first novel?
Classified.
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from smercy (I blind wrote the questions with no number in question, and then aka_katya filled in the numbers for me with a random number generator.)
29 (Daisy Adair), 24 (Yosaffbridge), 12 (Patty Hewes), 17 (Parker) and 15 (Laurence Dominic) are master thieves. What are they stealing? And why are they stealing it from 8 (Irina Derevko)?
They are stealing SECRETS. Well, and a whole lot of diamonds. And some hard drives. You know, regular thievery stuff. It's not like inception. Patty Hewes is the mastermind, because she is fucking brilliant. And because she is brilliant, she built her team with a former NSA agent freelancing from the private sector, a master thief, a master conwoman, and an out-of-work actress that has a face that nobody suspects of wrongdoing. It's nothing personal against Irina, of course, it's just that she is the largest receptacle of things that people want to steal.
It is the robot apocolypse. 3 (Kenzi), 18 (Claire Jackman) and 6 (Sophie Devereaux) are trapped in a bunker together. How do they pass the time? Why has 17 (Parker) decided to rescue them?
So we have a rogue demon hunter, a master thief, and a clone! Claire and Sophie totally spend their time trying to find the differences in their bodies, and then Kenzi brings out the booze and they all get drunk. After that, it's basically just drinking and cards and orgies and more drinking and elaborate robot-killing plans. Parker is there just for Sophie, but she can't figure out which one of them is Sophie and is too busy fighting off robots to pick one. Kenzi looks useful enough, so she can totally tag along too. And then they fight some fucking robots with girl power! LIKE THE SPICE GIRLS. (Except with more Gina Bellman. And thievery. And clones. And magic. And eyeliner.)
14 (Alex Drake) and 22 (Cara) are handcuffed together, conveniently next to 23 (Agent Helo) and 4 (Pam), who are also handcuffed together. Why did this happen and how long before it devolves into an orgy?
Agent Helo is dead. Let's just get that out of the way, because Agent Helo breathed on Pam and she tore his throat out and had fun with it. Pam always did like sucking the life out of a good set of abs. So, Gene Hunt got drunk and bored and decided that it would be really fun to see what would happen if he took the most dangerous people he knew and handcuffed them together and see how long it would take for an orgy to break out. (Don't worry, he wasn't planning to videotape it.) Agent Helo wasn't planned, but he was so fucking annoying that Gene decided to throw him in there and have the ladies teach him a lesson. Anyway, after Agent Helo is dead and his hand is ripped off and he is removed from the handcuffs, Pam decided to freshen up her make up while Cara broke the handcuff chain with a karate chop. And then they realized that they were locked in a jail cell together and it was really boring, so Alex brought out a few flasks and they (minus Pam) got drunk and played truth or dare. The third dare involved nakedness and it devolved from there. And that's how that particular cell ended up with 15 bent bars and the bed ripped from the wall.
30 (Katherine Pierce) and 26 (Gene Hunt) are in a fight against a dalek, armed only with a very large magnet and their wits. What happens?
Katherine gets to be the "human" shield, because getting electrocuted with the death ray doesn't actually do much to her. The original plan is that she distracts the dalek while Gene Hunt sneaks around behind with the gigantic magnet and bashes it over the head. In fairness, it was very hastily composed. He's only using the magnet because there isn't anything else to bash the dalek with, and Katherine has to keep pulling the magnet off of the dalek and passing it back to DCI Hunt. There is a lot of frustrated yelling, especially about how the dalek is fucking ridiculous-looking and this is all bullshit. And then DCI Hunt accidentally got the magnet stuck to the panel that opens the shell and reveals the gooey part, and from there, Katherine's super speed and ruthlessness took care of that bitch. And then Gene Hunt kicked the dead shell of the dalek a lot, the end.
8 (Irina Derevko), 1 (Fox Mulder), 24 (Yosaffbridge) and 16 (Donna Noble) are suddenly turned into vampires! 23 (Agent Helo), 3 (Kenzi), and 17 (Paker) are vampire hunters! 19 (Olive Snook) and 26 (Gene Hunt) have magically delicious-smelling blood. 14 (Alex Drake) and 12 (Patty Hewes) are in possession of actual magic powers. They are all locked in a room together. What happens?
So, Irina, Mulder, Yosaffbridge and Donna are vampires. Mulder is the world's most geeky vampire. He just spends the whole time explaining his traits very loudly and to everyone that will listen, and then getting the glowy-eyes and looking in the mirror. Irina was already immortal, so the vampirism is kind of inconvenient, but nothing unreversible. Yosaffbridge totally loves the enhanced strength, and starts trying to find folks to eat. Donna is super pissed. She immediately starts yelling about how all this is bullshit, which endears her to Kenzi. Kenzi already had experience hunting vampires, so the official title doesn't bug her much. And she knows that some vampires are cool, so she doesn't go blindly trying to stake everyone. Not like Agent Helo. It's a good thing that Irina noticed his shifty eyes straight off and shoved him into a file cabinet. Now, Olive snook obviously has super great-smelling blood since she is made of sugar and the sweetest thing around, and she works in a pie shop. Gene Hunt is magic, hence the blood. DCI Hunt totally sees how sweet and delightful Olive is, and then he totally protects her ass. But that doesn't save him from Yosaffbridge, and he has a thing for bad girls with big tits. Thankfully, Alex can just conjure herself a truth lasso and start lassoing Gene to things. And Patty just teleport flounces out of there and starts using her magic on some evildoers. And at the end of the day, all of the potentially crazy people are incapacitated, the police/spy/private eye types are investigating the situation, Donna and Olive are snuggling, and all is well. Oh, and Mulder still hasn't stopped with the glowy eyes in the mirror thing.
2 (Catherine Weaver), 28 (Savannah Weaver), 5 (Pinkie Pie) and 9 (Cameron) are invited to a tea party with Dame Maggie Smith. (in Downton Abbey) Who is her favorite? Who gets kicked out? Is it a disaster, or can they end up in her good graces?
Well, for the purposes of reality, Pinkie Pie is Savannah's favorite stuffed animal who travels where ever Savannah goes. So, we have a Scottish robot, an American-raised Scottish child, her favorite stuffed animal, and an American robot all sitting down to tea with Dame Maggie Smith. Of course, Savannah would start off by insisting that Pinkie Pie be served tea as well. Pinkie Pie loves parties, especially tea parties, and it would be rude to leave her out. This would raise a few eyebrows, but nothing would be too badly ruined. And as Savannah explained, Pinkie Pie likes to be involved in the party, but she's not actually hungry and doesn't really want to eat anything. She just likes to be friends with everybody.
Since Savannah has dealt with a secret robot replacement mother, she is immune to Dame Maggie Smith's eyebrow, not that the Dame is especially employing it in her direction. It is very odd to see Scots and Americans with such flawless table manners, but they are all done robotically with no grace to it. Terrible conversationalists, too.
At the end of the tea, the children and stuffed animals escorted out of the room so that the adults may talk. This is, of course, about business. Secret robotic money business. Savannah doesn't really mind, though, since she has Pinkie Pie with her.
Well, the tea party was by no means a success. The company was far too strange, and the child was far too talkative. However, there was nothing actively offensive done, so it was probably the best tea that Dame Maggie has had in months, not that she wants to endure the company again. There's just something about the American accent that grates on her nerves, and she has enough of that already.
17 (Parker), 9 (Cameron), 11 (Adelle DeWitt), 27 (Dana Scully), 12 (Patty Hewes) and 26 (Gene Hunt) have been transported into a medical drama. Which ones are doctors, which ones are nurses, and who's the asshole hospital admin? 4 (Pam) is a sick patient, which of the hospital staff saves her life? And which two members on the staff are having a secret, forbidden love affair?
Dr. DeWitt is the super formidable and terrifying hospital administrator in: "Body of Competence" (coming to NBC whenever they get the fucking stick out of their asses.) DeWitt runs the show, she runs everyone. Well, everyone but the willful and stubborn genius brain surgeon, Dr. Hewes. Nobody orders her around. In fact, nobody tells her much of anything at all, she is far too busy saving lives to get caught up in petty office gossip. That doesn't mean, however, that the gossip stays away from her. You see, there is a new medical intern with a mysterious past. She only goes by one name, Parker, and she has an uncanny resemblance to Dr. Hewes, but lacks the basic social skills to do much more than the most precise stitches this hospital has ever seen. She could do more, but it's not like Dr. Scully would let an intern overstep bounds. Oh no, Dr. Scully likes things quite within their bounds. All of her paperwork is done promptly and completely, but that doesn't stop the weirdness from sticking to her. They say she used to have a husband, years ago, but he suffered a mental breakdown and was never seen again. Every once in a while, his old friends show up and make weird demands, the newest is that a strange girl, Cameron be admitted to their nursing staff. Scully had to pull some strings, but Cameron, a girl with a mysterious past and a crippling case of literal thinking soon becomes their newest nurse. This is news to Nurse Hunt, who runs the tightest fucking ship on this side of the Atlantic. Don't tell anyone that his heart is made of gold, he only cares about his patients when they're unconscious. And anyone who insults the quality of the nursing staff or makes jokes about masculinity in front of Nurse Hunt is likely to get a surprise to the face. Outside of that, this is an amazingly competent and life-saving hospital, but they are plagued by quite a few cases of very weird happenings. And there are skeletons in closets that just never seem to stay closed. How, for example, can you perform brain surgery on a woman that technically spends the entire procedure without a pulse and have her come out the other end alive? Don't ask Dr. Hewes, she won't tell you. In fact, there are quite a lot of things that should be neither asked nor told, especially if you are the head of this hospital. Oh, which knowledge would be worse if it came to light: the secret illegal stem cell cloning procedures, the recent suspicious disappearance of the hospital's head of security, the nights that she spends in Dr. Scully's bed, or her own ties to the mysterious disappearance of Dr. Scully's lost husband? Don't ask too much, you might fuck this procedure up in... "Body of Competence".
22 (Cara), 8 (Irina Derevko), 6 (Sophie Devereaux), 16 (Donna Noble), 4 (Pam), 24 (Yosaffbridge) and 2 (Catherine Weaver) have been transported into a legal drama. Which two are prosecutors and which two are the defense? Who is the accused party? What is this person accused of? Who is the court stenographer and what does she write in their diary at the end of the night? Who is the mysterious private investigator and who does she work for? And which two people are having a secret, forbidden love affair?
Sophie Devereaux is a good woman in far, far too over her head on the case that may very well end up being the trial of the century, if everyone makes it out alive, on: "Rulings and Regulations". Sophie Devereaux became a lawyer only by chance, she intended to con and rob a rich judge and then got stuck in the role. Now she's the assistant to the District Attorney, Catherine Weaver, on a trial that is dangerous and seems to be falling inside of a rabbit hole that only goes deeper. They're trying to prosecute the serial killer who goes only by "Cara", a woman who has murdered into the 3 digits. She worked for various unsavory and criminal groups for years, before going a bit crazy and freelance. Well, so they think, but can't quite find the evidence to prove. All they know for sure is this, Cara took a katana to a Dave Matthews concert in the September of 2008 and slaughtered 29 audience members and wounded over 100 more, completely without motive. The defense says she's crazy, but Cara is adamant that she isn't. So what if she was systematically tortured and conditioned to be the perfect killer? Her defense team doesn't care what Cara says, they will get her acquitted at all costs. Unfortunately for everyone, Cara got the services of one Irina Derevko, the fucking shark. Her practices are questionable and her tactics are dirty and she rarely loses a case but even when she does, she always ends up on top. Her assisting attorney, Pam, is fearsome, gorgeous and gives away nothing, but only seems to show up at night. They both look like models. They have a dizzying legal strategy, and judges have been bribed. Sophie would be completely lost if not for the incredible competence of DA Catherine Weaver. She works so hard that sometimes Sophie could swear that Catherine didn't sleep, and she has never in the history of her career shown emotion against her will. If anything, she doesn't show enough emotion, that was why Sophie was assigned to the case. She may be completely unfamiliar with the law, but she is brilliant at winning a jury's sympathy. That is, if the case ever makes it to trial. A series of mysterious letters followed by explosions have been disrupting the proceedings, and the police can't figure out where they're from. And there have been threats to the beloved court stenographer Donna, who may have accidentally seen too much. She always sees too much, Donna, since she never needs to look at the keys, and that knowledge might be hidden in her secret diary, if anyone was able to find it. And furthermore, there's a suspicious redheaded private eye hanging around, taking too many pictures and looking too conspicuous, and her name always seems to change. Yosaffbridge should be working for the defense, Derevko does sign her paychecks, but Weaver has secretly been blackmailing her for months. Which side will be brought down by Yosaffbridge's scheming? Who is the mysterious force behind Cara's serial killing training? Is that connected to the threats? What will happen when one of the threats becomes reality? Will Donna manage to survive to the end of the trial with her fingers and diary intact? Will anyone discover the secret love affair between the cool, collected Pam and the cool, collected Cara? What is Pam hiding behind that smirk, anyway? Which side will win? Is Cara even guilty? And most importantly, will Sophie be able to hide that her identity is stolen for the entirety of the case? Find out on... "Rulings and Regulations"
18 (Claire Jackman), 25 (Gemma Teller-Morrow), 15 (Laurence Dominic), 3 (Kenzi), 19 (Olive Snook) and 29 (Daisy Adair) have been transported into a police drama. Who is the grumpy cop in charge? Who is the corrupt bureaucrat at the top? Who is the corrupt cop? Which cop is too stupid and brings the rest of the force down? Who is their secret weapon? Which two are married? Who is secretly a mole for the mob? Which two people are having a secret, forbidden love affair?
Mr. Dominic is a good man, just trying to do the right thing, just trying to keep the people safe, just dealing with the most difficult promotion of his life in: "Flashing Sirens" (coming with no fanfare or notice to ABC and then just as quickly disappearing.) After his beloved partner was washed away at sea and the police building that he loved was partially exploded by a bomb, Mr. Dominic found his life in tatters, and he was the only person able to hold the pieces together. He starts the series as the newly-promoted captain of the force in the crime-stricken Kansas City (MO). His boss is the fearsome Gemma Teller-Morrow, Super Gem for short, and she runs a fucking tight operation. She has no tolerance for mistakes and even less patience, and she is legendary for running the most successful undercover sting in the state's history. Mr. Dominic soon finds that his previously quiet and solitary life is now full with his team. There is the best cop of the bunch, Kenzi, who looks young but hides a fearsome intelligence underneath her eyeliner. Everyone always underestimates Kenzi, and that's how she likes it. Her best friend, Olive Snook, is their most effective undercover agent, when she manages to get out on the field. You see, Olive is sweet. Too sweet. The rest of the team must band together to keep her from harm and jadedness. And if Olive is dead, who will bring them their donuts in the morning? The job is especially hard for Claire Jackman, a brilliant detective with a bitter past. They say her husband had schizophrenia and went crazy one day, she knows otherwise but doesn't say so. Detective Jackman doesn't have many friends, and that's not by choice. Her life is consumed with work, and there is a whole lot of work to be had. The last core member of the team is their newest recruit. Daisy Adair used to be a waitress, but she had a strong love of justice in her heart. She's a good shot, but she's green, and she clings to Dominic a bit too much. Unfortunately for Dominic, the glue binding everything together, jagged lies are threatening to rip his new family apart. Corruption can seep into even the tightest of families, and Detective Jackman needs money to fund the secret search for her husband. A search that might be better aided if she knew about what, exactly, Kenzi was doing on the night of his disappearance, but Kenzi has sworn she will never tell. And Kenzi needs to keep herself out of trouble if her relationship with Olive is going to work out. Olive has said that she'll marry Kenzi, but Kenzi knows that she needs to keep everything on the straight and narrow until she's got that ring on Olive's finger. But Kenzi's secrets are nothing compared to Daisy's, since she grew up dating the son of the area's most influential mob boss, before he was tragically gunned down while they were still teenagers. Yeah, Daisy has connections to the mob that go way back, but then, Gemma knew that. Gemma, it seems, had a harder time pulling herself out of her undercover position in the mob than she ever let on. But that has nothing and everything to do with Mr. Dominic, who is just trying to do the right thing in a world that's gone bonkers. Will they ever find out what happened to Dominic's partner? Will Daisy and Super Gem's affair manage to go unexposed? What will happen when they start getting more bomb threats from the same elusive bomber that last took out half of the station? And will Mr. Dominic realize that he really does need love after all? Find out on... "Flashing Sirens"
1 (Fox Mulder), 26 (Gene Hunt), 7 (John Henry), 8 (Irina Derevko), 10 (River Song) and 21 (Sarah Connor) have been transported into a spy drama. What is the name of their super secret spy organization? How morally gray are they? Who is the boss? Who is the spy intern? Who is the dude who makes all of the special gadgets? Who has the secret evil twin? How effective is the agency? Which three people are having a secret, forbidden love affair?
Irina Derevko is the reluctant leader of a fledgling spy agency gone rogue in: "Moniker" (coming soon and ending soon on FOX.) Irina Derevko never thought she'd see the day when she'd be successfully blackmailed, but that day has come. If she wants to secure the safety of her daughter and her stash of stolen, valuable artifacts, she must assemble a team, much like Charlie's Angels, to do the bidding of a mysterious Mr. Hand. Her first pick was Dr. River Song (it's not her real name) who owed her a favor and a few drinks. Dr. Song is the best sharpshooter around, no matter where on the Earth you place her, and she has a taste for excess. The only thing that Dr. Song can do better than shoot is keep a secret, and oh, the secrets she keeps. The next member of the team is a notorious terrorist broken out of her jail cell in secrecy, Sarah Connor. She's an expert with explosives, and is not bad looking herself. Everything Sarah Connor learned, she taught herself, and that makes her a great. Their next pick up was a tip from Connor, a reclusive genius going by the name of John Henry. His social skills are seriously impaired, but his hacking skills are legendary, and he is fast becoming the top gadget-maker in the business. The next member, still on probation, is a buddy of Sarah's from the slammer. Gene Hunt used to be a cop, but his love for justice and violence got in the way. Now, he's in charge of getting information from bitches by any means necessary. It was a rush job, but Irina thought that the team was a decent start up. She thought she'd run a few jobs, collect information on her blackmailers and bust her way out within weeks. But then she ran into Fox Mulder, a man who got far too deep into information he had no business knowing. He needs protection, but he's too stubborn to see it. But Mr. Hand has ordered that this Mulder be protected under all circumstances, and now Mulder fancies himself a spy. Mulder has even dubbed them The Amalgamation, and it's stuck. It's been two months and Irina is tired of taking orders, that was one of the biggest reasons why she went rogue in the first place. The work is hard, and their practices are dirty; but thankfully, Irina has Dr. Song and Ms. Connor to entertain her at night and during breaks, but the effort keeping the two of them from knowing that they're sharing her bed is beginning to show. Who is the mysterious Mr. Hand? Why are they so frequently in Paris? Who is pulling the strings? How can Irina get out from under the thumb of evil blackmailers? What sort of secrets are Dr. Song hiding in her hair? How can the Amalgamation keep Mulder from sending himself straight into mortal danger without having him constantly handcuffed to things? What does all of this have to do with John Henry's brother? What happens when Sarah Connor shows up to find River Song naked in Irina Derevko's bed? Find out on... "Moniker"
27 (Dana Scully), 9 (Cameron), 25 (Gemma Teller-Morrow), 4 (Pam), 20 (Sexy), 3 (Kenzi), 21 (Sarah Connor), 29 (Daisy Adair), 15 (Laurence Dominic), 10 (River Song) and 13 (RuPaul) are blackmailed, coerced and tricked into making a movie together. But they only have a budget of 100 grand. Who is the director? What kind of movie do they make? Who writes the script? How do they assign the crew? Who are the actors? Who is having a secret, forbidden love affair? How much of a disaster is this production? Is it a masterpiece or a masterpiece?
Well, this ramshackle team of misfits has one idea in mind: "Get this shit done." It is quickly decided that the best way to make money is with a superhero movie. Bitches love superheroes. Since Scully was the first one to come up with the idea, she's nominated as director. However, there is no fucking way that Scully wants to be the fucking director, so she passes it off on to the only other person stupid enough to take it: Kenzi. Kenzi decides to co-write the script with Pam, because she looks cool, River, because she was talking about jumping off of buildings earlier, and Daisy, because she won't stop bugging Kenzi about making her the perfect part.
This is the exciting origin story of Dr. Disaster, the world's most dangerous lady superhero. She can fly, when she feels like it, and she can shoot laserbeams from her fingers with fantastic accuracy. She goes around in a catsuit, because it's practical, and wears a black domino mask because they're easy to find. Beware her lipstick. She was once an ordinary aristocrat, secretly rebellious but relatively tame, until one fateful night. She was at a fancy costume party, but she decided to follow a mysterious stranger in a suit and mask, and she followed him right into a secret hedge maze. She thought that they were going to make out on a bench, but instead, he bit her and then poured some of his radioactive blood into it, giving her superpowers and bonding her to him. He was the dastardly Sir Fiasco, and he named her Miss Disaster. They went on a crime and sex spree together for nearly 3 years, until she remembered that she had a conscience and also that she was into women too and left him behind. She used her super-knowledge to get a doctorate in computer sciences in record time, and uses her genius hacking skills to help solve crime. Well, when she's not taking her skills to the street and ass-kicking in person. The only hamper to her amazing powers is when she has to put her needs aside for someone else. Dr. Disaster was only at half power while fighting with Sir Fiasco, but all of that has changed. Now, she is a single, attractive rich woman, who might possibly be in love with her personal secretary, Ann, but struggles with the burden of keeping a dangerous secret from her. What happens when Sir Fiasco comes back into town intent upon seducing her back, in both superhero and plainclothes avenues? Explosions. (They'll figure out the end of the script when they get to it.)
So once they have the preliminary script (after a long weekend of drunken shenanigans and then somebody spent Tuesday typing it up), production begins. Daisy is cast in the lead role as Dr. Disaster. Unfortunately, there is only one man who can be her leading man, and he had wanted to be the cinematographer. But Dominic, by default, has to be Sir Fiasco, and it's a good thing that he can do stunts. Cameron is the innocent secretary, Ann. RuPaul is playing the role of God, and occasionally a few street thugs outside of drag. The other street thugs are Gemma and Dominic wearing a mask over his face.
As Dominic will be busy acting, the only other person with steady hands is Scully, so she becomes the director of photography and the continuity master. Costuming is mostly done by Sexy, with an assist from River because nobody can tell what the fuck Sexy is talking about. (She keeps talking about how this is better than the sequel. But she seems to be forgetting that there is no sequel, since they haven't even made the movie yet. At least she is of the opinion that the original is way better and that the sequel crew sucks.) Sarah Connor is in charge of stunts and explosions, Daisy is in charge of also making sure that everybody has snacks. (Usually waffles. Nobody knows how she gets them.) River is in charge of getting locations (through whatever means necessary.) Pam stands off to the side of the set and makes sound effects, occasionally does a few of the flying stunts, and fixes people's makeup. Gemma is in charge of security. Cameron is in charge of night security, but she just secretly appointed herself and never bothered to tell anybody.
The production is surprisingly mostly disaster free. I mean, except for the few times when it's interrupted by vampires, succubi, werewolves, aliens and a few random time travel disasters. But those totally add character to the film. The actors work decently well together. It was hard to get Dominic to do anything but a blank deadpan, but Kenzi totally decided that was the direction she was going to give him anyway, so that worked out well. Daisy got lessons in how to glare menacingly from the crew, and made for a surprisingly sympathetic heroine. Yeah, there was random melodrama and screaming and at the beginning of the movie, her punches were totally weak-looking, but she can emote and she looks good in a catsuit. The stunts were fucking fantastic, and River got them pretty fucking plausible locations, and it was all-in-all a decent 2 weeks that nobody can really remember since they were so drunk.
Kenzi totally became the director-monster in the editing room and had a huge power-trip and edited the fuck out of that all by herself, mostly in one sitting. Cameron did the special effects work, since she was good at photoshop and whatever the fuck else they use for special effects (but most of their effects work was practical, so Cameron's hardest job was editing out a pimple that Daisy was flipping her shit about.) Pam stood around and offered bored commentary. Daisy brought waffles and suggest that her role be extremely prominent. She's always in favor of more closeups. Eventually, everyone but Pam was kicked out, and that was only because Pam brought more alcohol.
And then after a fevered week of editing and making a trailor, getting very drunk and accidentally leaving their shotglasses on the film negatives, "Dr. Disaster and the Big Mistake" was ready to be released to theatres.
It was, of course, an enormous cult hit and there were musical parodies and youtube parodies and t-shirts with quotes on them. The movie was generally considered to be a thoughtful deconstruction of the modern superhero cliche, even though it totally isn't. It made an alarming amount of money, even though all of the actors faded to obscurity and it was revealed months later that the director/writer was working under a pseudonym and refuses to make another movie again. (The hangover is not fucking worth it.) They couldn't get any of the original crew back for the inevitable sequel.
The sequel, by all accounts, sucks.
And Mr. Dominic, for the rest of his life, had to deal with random people on the street pointing at him and going, "OMG, it's Sir Fiasco!" (Even in the fucking apocalypse, goddamn.) Kenzi, who totally bonded with Dom during their work together, never ever let that go.
And everybody else lived happily ever after, the end.