BECCA'S BIRTHDAY PRESENT (one of them) PART THE FIRST!
THE ANSWERS TO THE SPECIAL aka_katya EDITION OF THE CHARACTER MEME!
well, lj, here's the deal. I wrote so much that I can't fit it all in one post. I broke the updater box.
THIS IS PART ONE, WITH ALL OF BECCA'S QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS.
first, the cast of characters:
01. Fox Mulder from "The X-Files"
02. Catherine Weaver from "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles"
03. Kenzi from "Lost Girl"
04. Pam from "True Blood"
05. Pinkie Pie from "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic"
06. Sophie Devereaux from "Leverage"
07. John Henry from "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles"
08. Irina Derevko from "Alias"
09. Cameron from "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles"
10. River Song from "Doctor Who"
11. Adelle DeWitt from "Dollhouse"
12. Patty Hewes from "Damages"
13. RuPaul* from "RuPaul's Drag Race"
14. Alex Drake from "Ashes to Ashes"
15. Laurence Dominic from "Dollhouse"
16. Donna Noble from "Doctor Who"
17. Parker from "Leverage"
18. Claire Jackman from "Jekyll"
19. Olive Snook from "Pushing Daisies"
20. Sexy from "Doctor Who"
21. Sarah Connor from "Terminator" things
22. Cara from "Legend of the Seeker"
23. Agent Helo from "Dollhouse" & "Battlestar Galactica"
24. Yosaffbridge from "Firefly"
25. Gemma Teller-Morrow from "Sons of Anarchy"
26. Gene Hunt from "Ashes to Ashes"
27. Dana Scully from "The X-Files"
28. Savannah Weaver from "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles"
29. Daisy Adair from "Dead Like Me"
30. Katherine Pierce from "The Vampire Diaries"
*This has absolutely nothing to do with the real person RuPaul, it's just pretending that the host of Drag Race is a fictional character.
next, the questions and answers!
CLASSIC aka_katya QUESTIONS, RENUMBERED: THE ORIGINAL MEME.
If 30 (Katherine Pierce) died from an allergic reaction to a pair of edible undies give to her by 4 (Pam), who would show up at her funeral?
Sexy vampires. (And probably a member of the Scooby Gang attempting to go undercover.) (And Katherine totally faked her death. Pam was in on it. They were part of a secret snarky lesbian vampire conspiracy.)
If 3 (Kenzi) and 20 (Sexy) were the only two people left in the world and had to repopulate the human race, what would their children look like?
They'd be deceptively small and delicate with very large brains and excellent catchphrases. And they'd make the very best traveling companions and best friends.
If 5 (Pinkie Pie) and 11 (Adelle DeWitt) were trapped in a cave together with only a blanket and a toothpick, what would they do?
PARTY.
If 6 (Sophie Devereaux) killed 13 (RuPaul) in a jealous rage, would she get away with it?
RuPaul is immortal. This is clearly all a hoax, designed to con a rogue terrorist faction of the gay mafia. (After the con is run, RuPaul will take Sophie and Parker out shoe shopping and end up giving Parker impromptu lessons on how to be a lady.)
If 10 (River Song) contracted a STD after sleeping with 26 (Gene Hunt), how long would it take for everyone on the list to be infected?
Assuming that small children do not count and that robots are immune to sexually communicable disesases and wouldn't bother having the sex anyways, this is a bit of a trick question. River Song travels in time and with other people who have time machines, so everybody was infected chronologically before this question was even written.
If 16 (Donna Noble), armed only with a fork, fought 28 (Savannah Weaver), who of course is armed with seven pounds of silly putty - who would win?
They wouldn't fight each other, for one. Clearly, Savannah is Donna's newest protege. They're going to save the world together. They would be fighting the forces of evil, and they would win. They are brilliant redheads, and they can both type really fast, and they would be fucking unstoppable together.
If 11 (Adelle DeWitt) wrestled with 3 (Kenzi) in a giant tub of jello, how many tickets would 1 (Fox Mulder) be able to sell to watch them fight?
Fox Mulder would attempt to sell tickets, but would get distracted by the opportunity to tell the large hoardes of assembled people about how aliens were going to kill us all, and wouldn't get around to talking about the jell-o wrestling match. The televised jell-o wrestling match, of course, is an elaborate distraction. Echo accidentally got kidnapped by a pack of territorial mystical werewolves that have each bonded themselves to several of her individual personalities, and the Dollhouse hires Bo to help them get her back. The only way to properly distract all of the werewolves in Vancouver for the werewolf convention is to have an elegant British lady face off against a spunky Canadian.
Would 24 (Yosaffbridge) be more likely to enter into a murder/suicide love pact with 21 (Sarah Connor) or 27 (Dana Scully)?
Sarah Connor would never enter a murder/suicide pact unless it was an elaborate trick to guarantee her some dead robots and a faked death, so she is totally out. Yosaffbridge, a con woman in need of a faked death every once in a while would obviously have red hair in common with Scully. That's a completely solid reason for those two to have all of the sex. And Scully can totally use a faked death every few years. So yeah, it's a sexy redhead conspiracy. And there is no danger, since Scully is canon immortal. In fact, it almost definitely happened in the future.
If 23 (Agent Helo) started his own cult, what would it be called and would 14 (Alex Drake) join?
Agent Helo has started a doomsday cult to warn the world that computers will steal your brain and turn your ladies into slaves and that the only way to salvation is through hot robot girlfriends. It is called, "The Way to True Salvation" and he is the Supreme Counselor. Unfortunately, a lot of very impressionable, attractive young women end up folded into this den of bad decisions. And Agent Helo cannot tell when a woman requires rescuing and when she is breathing, so there are a lot of independant women made into damsels against their will. Alex Drake joins on a undercover mission to take his cult down from the inside. She's fucking good at it, and she can save her fucking self. I mean, that doesn't stop her backup from employing a bit of police brutality at the end, but Alex Drake can out-think armies of hot robot girlfriends, and that's what really matters.
If 10 (River Song) was naked and dipped in chocolate, how many people would line up to lick her clean? Would 24 (Yosaffbridge) be one of them?
Well, there would be a rather large crowd of people lined up to participate. Unfortunately, the Doctor has a Tardis and is not above setting up a paradox so that there is an endless line of Doctors clogging up the queue. (Even if you re-dip her in chocolate as soon as she's clean.) Yosaffbridge, though, is a special case. While she would ordinarily be all over that, there is no guarantee that River's body chocolate is not hallucinogenic, and Yosaffbridge has been burned before. (Where did you think she learned the hallucinogenic lipstick trick from?)
If an army of 1 (Fox Mulder) clones took over the world, how would 11 (Adelle DeWitt) react?
If there is an army of Fox Mulder clones, Adelle would just get out her personal army of Samantha Mulder clones and program all of them to distract him. You know, by showing up and going, "It's me, Samantha!" And if there aren't enough Samantha clones, they can just grab some ladies off of the street and program them with Samantha's memories. Anyway, once all of the Foxes were distracted with their sisters, Adelle would have already used the confusion to take over the world herself.
If 13 (RuPaul) was lost in the jungle with 6 (Sophie Devereaux) and 5 (Pinkie Pie) and had to eat one of them to survive, who would they chose? How would the other react?
Nobody is eating Pinkie Pie. And RuPaul and Sophie are already great friends, so they could never cannibalize each other. And Pinkie Pie is made of magic, so she will just throw a party and everybody will live on cupcakes until help cam come and rescue them.
If 30 (Katherine Pierce) was captured in the jungle by a tribe of cannibals, and given a choice of how she would be cooked - what would she chose? How would she taste? Would 11 (Adelle DeWitt) find her yummy? What is 11 (Adelle DeWitt) doing in the jungle with a tribe of wild cannibals in the first place?
Katherine would clearly choose the slowest rotisserie-style roast possible, to get her flesh as tender as possible. And, you know, because the longer they spend trying to get her to cook, the more chances she has to escape and murder them all. Well, everybody but Adelle. Katherine owed a favor and is secretly there to get Adelle to safety. The Rossum corporation has some strings, let me tell you. Adelle's only there because her plane suffered a mysterious malfunction on the way back from a scientific discovery expedition and she's the only survivor, and she decided that she'd have a better chance of getting the fuck out of there if she found some natives and convinced them through cunning use of chemistry that she was a goddess and should be worshipped and then sent to civilization with as much haste and comfort as possible. Katherine and Adelle are going to get along splendidly.
26 (Gene Hunt) dies of auto-erotic asphyxiation while being serviced by 9 (Cameron). How does 27 (Dana Scully) react?
So we have the "corpse" of a man in a SPOILERY condition found in suspicious circumstances with a woman that has no fingerprints, official identity or reason to be with the corpse. It's just another day in Scully's office. But it definitely has nothing to do with El Chupacabra, Mulder.
25 (Gemma Teller-Morrow), 2 (Catherine Weaver), 9 (Cameron), 16 (Donna Noble) and 3 (Kenzi) are playing a game of strip poker - who wins?
Catherine Weaver loses, since her clothes are all technically one piece of the robot, but nobody else minds. Cameron is too unimaginative to bluff properly, so she's the next to get naked. So then it's Donna, Kenzi and Gemma. Donna may be the world's best temp, but she cannot hold her liquor. So then it's just Kenzi and Gemma battling it out. Kenzi has years of thievery and general misbehavior to fall upon, but Gemma has more of them. On the other hand, Gemma is not in the practice of wearing very many clothes. So then they would both get out the alcohol to make the game better, and by the time that they were in just their underwear, both Gemma and Kenzi would forget that they were competing against each other. And that is how Kenzi became the protege of the baddest biker queen in the state of California.
If 20 (Sexy) was a love song, what would it be called? Would 10 (River Song) sing it to 16 (Donna Noble)? Would this make 1 (Fox Mulder) jealous?
The song would be called, "To the Ends of the Universe" and it would be all about how no matter when and where you are, you are loved. There are all sorts of other songs about Sexy, and especially about things being bigger on the inside, and how awesome it is to steal and bite people, and how awesome is traveling anyway, but that one's the most about love. And fuck yes, River would sing that to Donna. FUCK YOU, RDM. That's just fucking heartbreaking. And even in an alternate universe where Donna was not massively fucked over, River would still sing it, because the two of them would be fucking excellent friends. And yeah, Mulder would be jealous, but he needs to learn that just because he has previously gotten into Scully's pants, that does not give him an unlimited pass into the pants of all super competent redheads and time-travelers with knowledge of the alien conspiracy.
If 27 (Dana Scully) was having an orgy and invited everyone but 2 (Catherine Weaver), would 2 (Catherine Weaver) come anyways? How would 13 (RuPaul) react?
Well, if Scully is going to go and have herself an orgy, everybody would want in on that. Fortunately, Scully has standards. And one of those standards is that no robots or aliens are allowed. So Catherine Weaver would try to disguise herself as Mulder to get in, but this plan would fail when fake!Mulder treated Scully with decency and respect, so she'd get kicked out again. RuPaul would be a bit disappointed, considering all of the different sorts of sex toys that a goobot can shape into, but she would totally get over it.
8 (Irina Derevko), 11 (Adelle DeWitt), and 14 (Alex Drake) are skinny dipping when a great white shark attacks. Who gets eaten first? Does anyone make it out alive? Would 12 (Patty Hewes) risk her life to save everyone?
I can't answer this question. It's too hot. Let's just say that the shark was attracted to the hotness, but then got too close and melted. Patty Hewes wouldn't need to risk her life, but it is in her best interest for all of the naked ladies to be alive. And then my brain exploded, the end.
20 (Sexy) and 14 (Alex Drake) travel back in time. Doing so causes 23 (Agent Helo) to cease to exist. How is the world a different place without 23 (Agent Helo)? Did 20 (Sexy) and 14 (Alex Drake) mean for this to happen or were they really trying to get rid of 26 (Gene Hunt)?
Well, this is almost too easy. We have two canon time-travelers, and Alex would totally love the fuck out of being able to travel via an actual time machine and not just have messages sent through the tv all the time. Anyway, they did not go back to prevent the existence of anything, it was to save Gene Hunt's life. Unfortunately, Agent Helo totally thought that Gene Hunt was part of a conspiracy to turn hot girls into robots (he's not very bright) and he got in the way and then when he was sulking about how Alex wouldn't be his girlfriend, he tripped and fell through a crack in time. But on the upside, Sexy took Alex and Gene back to the 80s and they had lots and lots of wine. And ice cream. Tooootally platonically.
If 26 (Gene Hunt) was a cheesy pickup line, what would it be? Would 17 (Parker) fall for it?
If Gene Hunt was a pickup line. Well, Gene Hunt isn't especially subtle, so it would be something like, "I have wine and a very large bed. You in?" Parker would appreciate the directness, but she is physiologically incapable of falling for pickup lines.
22 (Cara) and 16 (Donna Noble) both fall in a pool of toxic waste. Which one melts into a gooey mess and which one develops super powers? What kinda of super powers do they develop? Do they use them for good or for evil?
Well, Cara already has superpowers, so she dissolves into goo. Well, her clothes do, she's otherwise unharmed. Donna develops the ability to teleport and time travel, with an extra bit of invulnerability and all of her memories back. So she totally uses her powers for good, but first she has to find the Doctor and slap him a few dozen times.
Who is most likely to run down a football field naked during the middle of a televised game, while juggling onions and reciting Shakespeare - 24 (Yosaffbridge) or 10 (River Song)? Who is most likely to be aroused by this performance - 18 (Claire Jackman) or 26 (Gene Hunt)?
Well, River Song has too much class for that. She'd just start shooting things until people did her bidding. So it'd be Yosaffbridge, but it would totally be part of a long con. Claire Jackman does like the crazy, but she's kind of busy dealing with the whole "two husbands" thing. Gene Hunt, on the other hand, would love an excuse to arrest those breasts.
Could 14 (Alex Drake) successfully assassinate 8 (Irina Derevko) with nothing but a piece of paper and a rubber band? Who is most likely to order the assassination of 8 (Irina Derevko) - 23 (Agent Helo) or 27 (Dana Scully)? If 14 (Alex Drake) fails her mission, who would be next in line for the job - 12 (Patty Hewes) or 11 (Adelle DeWitt)?
Here's the thing: there isn't a person in the world who could get one over on Irina Derevko using only a piece of paper and rubber band. It just isn't possible. So Alex never actually stood a chance. (And Agent Helo is an asshole for convincing her that doing so would get her back to her proper time period.) And honestly, only Agent Helo would suggest the paper for a method of assassination. Scully is too busy babyshitting Mulder to get involved in that shit. And while Agent Helo would love to have Patty Hewes (she always wins) and Adelle (leader of an army of programmable people) on his side, both of them would kill him on sight. So his big assassination plans are foiled.
Everyone is invited to a dinner party. By the end of the evening 11 (Adelle DeWitt) is killed in the library with the candlestick, 1 (Fox Mulder) is killed in the study with the lead pipe, 3 (Kenzi) is killed in the kitchen with the rope, 9 (Cameron) in killed in the conservatory with the revolver, and 7 (John Henry) is killed in the ballroom with the rope. Who did it?
Agent Helo. That bitch is untrustworthy. Fortunately, everybody totally saw this coming and Catherine Weaver played the parts of all of the dead people.
6 (Sophie Devereaux) goes crazy and runs around the neighborhood naked under the belief that she is invisible. Does 1 (Fox Mulder) call the cops, or sit back and enjoy the show? Does 22 (Cara) invite herself over and bring snacks? What kind of snacks?
Well, Mulder might call Scully in order to suggest a threesome, but that's about all of the authority people he'd alert. The nakedness was supposed to be a diversion designed to pull Mulder out of his house so that the rest of the team could bug his apartment and therefore Hardison could nail the Lone Gunmen, who totally owe him after a poker game. But no, Mulder refuses to investigate the suspicious alien-esque behavior because he's too busy enjoying the show. Cara would invite herself over, but not to Mulder. She'd invite herself right up to that naked lady and offer sex and then some cookies. And the mental image would cause Mulder to pass out, thus leaving the team an opening into his house, and so Sophie could take Cara up on her offer and when Mulder woke up the next morning convinced that his house had been bugged, not even the Lone Gunmen would believe that story.
4 (Pam) dies in a freak paperclip accident and leaves all her money to 10 (River Song). How does 6 (Sophie Devereaux) react? Did 10 (River Song) kill 4 (Pam) for the money? How does somebody die in a freak paperclip accident anyways?
Well, it is obviously a great tragedy that Pam has been crushed underneath a gigantic industrial crate of paperclips. Except that she totally hasn't died, she just faked her death. Duh, vampire. She only willed her money to River because River was in on the con and they are going to split her life insurance policy. Sophie didn't actally know Pam very well, but she mourns the loss of Pam's shoe collection. That is, of course, until Sophie finds Pam shoe shopping in Paris a few months later and they become good friends and have a lot of very well-costumed sex.
If 7 (John Henry) became supreme leader of the universe, what would be the first thing he would do to create the new world order? What sort of leader would he be? Would 13 (RuPaul) be successful in leading an uprising against him?
Well, it is entirely possible that John Henry could become the unironic leader of the planet, so at the very least, he is prepared. The first thing that John Henry will do is to get rid of all of the nuclear devices. The second thing he would do would be to ensure that the entire planet has access to wifi. He would do lots of other things, but most of them would be pretty decent. I mean, it depends on if he has inheirited the planet after a nuclear fallout or not. If he has, it would totally make sense that RuPaul and her posse of super deady drag queens would try to liberate the planet in the name of all things good and holy. But since it's John Henry and Savannah running shit, there really isn't much for RuPaul to liberate, so John Henry would totally make her the president of North America, since she put in such a great effort.
If 24 (Yosaffbridge) was a contestant in a beauty pageant, would she sleep with all the judges in order to ensure her victory, or would she play fair? What would her talent be in the talent portion of the competition?
Yosaffbridge wouldn't just fuck all of the judges, she'd also make them hallucinate that she's the winner and lock her competition in closets. Most of her talents are for illegal things, like lockpicking and convincing dudes that you are a blushing virgin, so Yosaffbridge would jump topless on a trampoline. She plays to win.
If 16 (Donna Noble) had a livejournal, what would her username be? How many people would be on her flist? Would 2 (Catherine Weaver) friend her? If she posted this crazy cracked up meme on their journal, who out of the 20 would respond with the craziest questions?
Hmm, I have put a lot of thought into this and I am pretty sure that Donna's username would be something like super_noble. Just because. (She's awesome.) And she would be super popular and have a huge flist, but a large amount of those would be sockpuppets that don't ever comment. It'd be okay, because Donna would put up the best linkspam and post the best gossip, she wouldn't really spend a lot of time talking about her feelings. (And then, only behind a lock, and she would choose her inner circle very carefully.) Of course Catherine Weaver would friend her. They're both redheads, Donna's super important, and her linkspams are legendary. The Doctor would post the best questions, but he would do it in the middle of the night after he's hacked River's account.
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CLASSIC aka_katya QUESTIONS, RENUMBERED: THE SECOND MEME.
10 (River Song) is a total fangirl (don't try to deny it, you know she totally is! TRUFAX). What is her favorite guilty pleasure ship? What screenname does she post her smutty fanfic under?
Oh, River Song is totally a ridiculous fangirl. That is only a small part of her online presence, as she has dedicated herself to eradicating spoilers and punishing those who would put spoilery shit outside of a spoiler cut. So after a long few hours of making spoilery assholes cry and re-evaulate their lives (under her fuck_spoilers screenname), River likes to unwind with some ridiculous shipping. The biggest one is obviously Batman/Catwoman. He's a guy that dresses up and tries to save people in the night, taking entirely too much responsibility on himself. She's a morally ambiguous jewel thief with a soft spot for him that's only eclipsed by his soft spot for her. They have really hot sex. Her fics have a reputation for being inventive and plausible, without lots of horrible euphemisms, although she doesn't post especially often (day job.) But seriously, spoil her and you will cry. Oh, you will cry. No bitch spoils River Song.
19 (Olive Snook) needs a vacation. Where does she go? Does she have a crazy vacation romance with 26, (Gene Hunt) 27, (Dana Scully) 21, (Sarah Connor) or 10 (River Song)?
This is a trick question, because Sarah Connor, Dana Scully and Gene Hunt NEVER take vacations. They just don't. So River's the only other person left, and you know she'd be up for some fun vacation sex with Olive. She'd totally stop Olive from moping about Ned while in the very tropical beach locale. It would be fantastic! And then they could totally pull off some kind of heist together! Olive Snook is an ace junior private investigator in training, her skills are totally useful! And she can look innocent in a way that River simply cannot. Clearly, this was meant to be.
28 (Savannah Weaver) and 5 (Pinkie Pie) are both covered in chocolate! Do they fight or fuck cuddle? Who does 7 (John Henry) think looks sexier cuddlier?
There will be no sexual activity between young children, ponies and robots. Those are all off-limits. Clearly Pinkie and Savannah are covered in chocolate after a long day of baking. So they are going to have lots of hugs and then eat some cupcakes and have a party. And John Henry is fond of both of them, but Savannah is his best friend and she is the cuddliest. Pinkie Pie doesn't mind, though. New friends don't always have to be your best friend, it's nice to have friends that you are just friendly with, too.
What food item would 26 (Gene Hunt) use to try and kill 23 (Agent Helo)? How successful would he be?
Well, Agent Helo is kind of ridiculously easy to kill. Gene Hunt could use a soggy tortilla and get the job done. On the other hand, Agent Helo is super annoying, so Gene wouldn't bother with the easy choking hazards/slippery things to trip on. No, Gene Hunt has a plan. He is going to get a brownie that is cut to look like a robot, and then he is going to throw it on the ground and yell, "Oh no! This robot requires rescuing!" and when Agent Helo dives to save the robot, Gene Hunt will just kick him in the head. Yeah, that is cheating, but Gene Hunt doesn't need the rules when it comes to kicking the crap out of annoying assnoodles.
2 (Catherine Weaver) is floating around in the vast nothingness of space and is about to run out of oxygen. Does 19, (Olive Snook) 17, (Parker) 25, (Gemma Teller-Morrow) or 15 (Laurence Dominic) save her? How did 2 (Catherine Weaver) get there in the first place?
Catherine Weaver miscalculated after some time travel, and she could use some rescuing, but she doesn't particularly need that oxygen. Olive is too busy baking to answer the call of duty, Gemma doesn't fucking care about people outside of SAMCRO, Mr. Dominic is stuck in the attic, so that just leaves Paker. Now, Parker could totally do it, 'cause she's a master thief, but before she can get inside the rescue shuttle, Catherine Weaver rescues herself. She's a goobot, she just turns herself into a self-propelled flying object.
Which horrible smutfic cliche would be the most overused in a smutfic written by a thirteen year old (who is actually a 13 year old version of 14 (Alex Drake)) about 1 (Fox Mulder) and 4 (Pam)? How many itty bitty fangirls would squee that the fic was OMG!SO AMAZING BEST EVER!!!!!!!111111!!! 1+4=OTP4EVER!
So, when Alex Drake was 13, the trend in Young Adult literature was vampires. Lots and lots of teenagers and vampires. Well, Alex Drake was too cool for Twilight. (Shut up, I will place this on the timeline whenever the fuck I want.) But she did love The X-Files, mostly because Scully was so great. However, she knew, as most of the Scully fangirls know, that Mulder was not good enough for her. So Scully got shipped with science and Mulder needed a lady to warm his heart. But he needed somebody strong, somebody that would keep him in line and who wouldn't take any shit. And she needed to be supernatural, so that he'd be interested. Clearly, he needed the most badass, no-shit taking vampire to boss his ass around. Enter Pam. So Alex got on her computer and wrote a 14-part series, most of them multi-chaptered, about the great love between Pam and Mulder (and how Scully and Pam were best friends who hung out and had tea a lot.) It wasn't especially good, but it was soap operatic and her grammar was fantastic. There weren't a large number of fangirls squeeing over her work, since the crossover fandoms don't have as much traffic, but amongst the Mulder community, she was legendary, and her posse of fangirls were vicious and loud. Anyway, this was all hosted on GeoCities, so it's all gone now.
22 (Cara) and 1 (Fox Mulder) are characters in a popular pre-teen romance series about unicorns and sparkles and rainbows. Describe the flowery awesomeness of their OMG!4EVER LOVE! How does 22 (Cara) react when 1 (Fox Mulder) is trampled to death by screaming fangirls?
What is it with Mulder and being stuck in the romance novels? It's like he left at the beginning of season 9 and spent the whole time inside of the Harlequin romance oevure. So. He's a brave, bold FBI agent with no patience for rules and regulations. He has a very large heart, and he has never recovered from the mysterious disappearance of his beloved sister. Mulder is driven and determined, but almost too much. You see, he just can't bring himself to let injustice go. He has to tell the world about aliens. Until one day when he falls into a portal and a mystical new world, where magic is real. And then he becomes Cara's sex slave. (You know, in the soft-porn way.) And together, they liberate the unicorns. Well, it's mostly Cara. The blade of her sword is made out of a rainbow. And they know it's true love when after a night of passion, Mulder trips over a tree root and discovers that he bleeds glitter. From there, it's destiny. They must have the child that will grow up to save the planet from the evil that falls from the sky. Well, if Cara is very careful to not decapitate him every time he annoys her. (The secret, of course, is very blurry off-screen oral sex. Constantly. While on horseback, even. If he's not using his mouth on Cara's ladybits, he's in danger of losing his head.) Anyway, when Mulder is trampled to death by the fangirls at the movie pre-launch party, Cara stifles a giggle and then gets on with her life. Because, you know, she's Cara.
15 (Laurence Dominic) is poised to take over the world with an army of loyal minions! The only person who can stop him is 24, (Yosaffbridge) who has just died in an unfortunate accident involving a gluestick and a staplegun. 26 (Gene Hunt) is asked to take up 24's (Yosaffbridge) mission to save the world from 15 (Laurence Dominic) - does he succeed?
Well, the problem is that it is not Mr. Dominic that is trying to take over the world. It is the Rossum corporation using Mr. Dominic's body. Unfortunately for the rescue squad, Adelle is adamant that his body be preserved. Yosaffbridge was the only person around who had hallucinogenic lipstick, which was the first strategy, but Adelle has other plans. She has an almost unlimited source of bodies that she does not even slightly care about. Gene Hunt owes Adelle a favor from back in their days in London. The Gene Hunt plan works by having him show up in the Quattro and convince the Rossum dudes that his body is totally the better body and then he can kidnap Dominic's body, shove it in the trunk, and macho it out of there. Of course he succeeds, he's Gene Hunt. (Alex totally helped save his ass, though.)
Is 1 (Fox Mulder) or 12 (Patty Hewes) more likely to star in a biopic about 25 (Gemma Teller-Morrow)?
Fox Mulder. We already know that he looks good in drag, he likes the attention, and Patty Hewes is too busy pwning all of the other lawyers to give a shit.
In a fight between 16 (Donna Noble) armed with a wicked cool machine gun and 17 (Parker) armed with a toothpick and a rubber band who wins?
Donna and Parker would never fight. But considering that Donna is invincible and Parker can out-backflip machine guns, the only people who would have to worry would be bad guys.
Who is most likely to call in sick to work so they can stay at home in their sweatpants and watch a Lifetime original movie entitled "Crimes of Passion; She Woke Up Pregnant." 6, (Sophie Devereaux) 8, (Irina Derevko) or 11 (Adelle DeWitt)? Who directed this cinematic masterpiece, 15, (Laurence Dominic) 18, (Claire Jackman) or 3 (Kenzi)?
Well, Sophie has the sort of job flexibility that she wouldn't need to call in just to watch the movie (and she totally would watch it.) Irina also has the job flexibility, but she never developed the taste for that sort of thing. Adelle, on the other hand, would totally get tired of the work and the Topher, and would totally spend all day in bed watching shitty movies. Kenzi totally directed it, on a dare, while pretending to be a film school graduate just for the fun of it.
In what sort of universe would 24 (Yosaffbridge) give birth to 27 (Dana Scully)?
In a universe in which time-traveling is possible. They are both redheads. Obviously, the more plausible situation would be that Dana Scully is fucking immortal and she hangs out until the future and then has rebellious, beautiful redheaded daughters that scorn authority and morals and then Uncle Skinner is going to have to drag her home by the ear for a stern lecture, but if Yosaffbridge traveled into the past, she could totally make it work. You know, assuming that Scully's mom is totally cool with adopting another daughter, or having her mind wiped to convince her that Dana has been her kid all along.
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NEW QUESTIONS FROM aka_katya!
1 (Fox Mulder), 24 (Yosaffbridge), 14 (Alex Drake), 9 (Cameron), 3 (Kenzi), and 2 (Catherine Weaver) are in an accident and when they come to they have been transformed into ponies in Equestria in the 1980's! OH SNAP! What are each of their cutie marks? What are their reactions to being ponified? What was the accident that transported then to the pony 80's in the first place?
OH SNAP, INDEED! Mulder's cutie mark is a UFO, obviously. Yosaffbridge's cutie mark is a lipstick that is secretly poison. Alex Drake's cutie mark is a red balloon, because chasing after lost balloons saves lives. Kenzi's cutie mark is a magnifying glass with some mystical symbols on it, because she's a private eye, but with magical creatures. Catherine Weaver's cutie mark is an eel made out of metal, because she is dangerous like an eel and made of metal. Well, Alex Drake has been back to the 80s before, so she figures that the pony bit is a deepening of her hallucination. Cameron and Catherine Weaver have dealt with time travel, but the part where they're ponies is new and weird and they don't know what to do about it, but they're robots and therefore will passively assess the situtation until they can figure out what the fuck is happening. Yosaffbridge has been pulled through time, but I doubt that she would know much about the 80s except that the outfits are fucking outrageous, and she's heard that crazy shit happens when you get smacked with hallucinogenic lipstick, and it is entirely possible that her application was too sloppy. Kenzi is convinced that she is drugged on fae booze and that everything is just hunky-dory. Mulder thinks it's the aliens, of course. And the pony 80s is basically like regular equestria, but everybody's manes are crimped, all of the colors are neon, and there is a whole lot of brightly colored eyeshadow. And shoulderpads. In fact, it was shoulderpads that caused the accident in the first place. This is what happens when science experiments are done on shoulderpads while Pinkie Pie is in the nearby area. On the other hand, that was a pretty epic party. What happens when two pony-conwomen, two robot ponies, and a pony alien conspiracy theorist walk into an 80s party? SHOULDERPADS, that's what happens.
Mulder and Scully are investigating 26 (Gene Hunt). What sort of alien conspiracy is 26 (Gene Hunt) involved in?
Oh, Gene Hunt is an extremely complex case. You see, not only is he British and very abrasive, he doesn't seem to age and he works for a department of the police that is full of time-displaced officers with a literal demon and there are ghost shenanigans. Of course, Mulder starts investigating him under suspicion of lycanthropy. To be fair, he was growling very threateningly when Mulder accidentally dropped from the ceiling and alerted the pile of no-good ruffians that they weren't alone. Scully found that he was perfectly well-behaved, if not a little misinformed as to the nature of how autopsies were conducted, but that was understandable considering how long he'd been with the force. Mulder could not be convinced that there wasn't anything supernatural happening, even after testing him with silver and wolfsbane. So he went and threw a bag of crisps all over the floor in front of DCI Hunt to see if he would compulsively pick them up. (He didn't.) And after it was confirmed that DCI Hunt was also not an incubus (incubi could not resist Scully) or an alien (he knew too much about Earth culture), Mulder admitted defeat and left the X-file open and unsolved. Well, until Scully was organizing one day and accidentally threw it into the trash. (In Scully's defense, their file cabinet space is limited.)
11 (Adelle DeWitt), 16 (Donna Noble) and 20 (Sexy) are locked in a room together. The air conditioning is broken. What do they do to combat the rapidly increasing heat?
Well, for the purposes of this question, Sexy is totally in a human body. First, they take all of their extraneous clothes off. Then, Adelle gets out her booze. Then, they reminisce about England. Then they get bored and decide to play, "Never Have I Ever" and Sexy gets royally trashed, since she has basically done everything. Then, Sexy starts confusing her tenses, and the heat becomes oppressive and they start to become sluggish and loopy. They would all start making out, but the heat is too oppressive and they can't stand flesh-to-flesh contact. So then Donna will take one of Adelle's very sharp stilettos and start using it to break a hole in the door, and eventually, they will all make it to safety and have some friendship sherbet.
8 (Irina Derevko) has been buried alive by 23 (Agent Helo). Why? Out of the remaining 30 who is most likely to notice 8's (Irina Derevko) disappearance? How do they come to 8's (Irina Derevko) rescue?
This is after Agent Helo's attempted paper assassination. Well, you see, Agent Helo has a thing for Sydney Bristow. He thinks that she has been coerced into the CIA and requires some rescuing. And Irina is standing in his way. Jack is super scary, but Agent Helo figures that if he can incapacitate Irina, Jack will be incapacitated with grief and easier to target. Anyway, he watched Quentin Tarantino movies to try and learn how to be tough and decided that being buried alive was an excellent strategy. (He's not very good at strategy.) I'm going to say that even though Irina can totally fucking rescue herself, she could use some assistance. A vampire or robot would be best at digging, but a robot can do it any time day or night. And since Catherine Weaver would totally notice when one of her paid operatives went missing, she'd totally find Irina and break the fuck out of that high tech coffin. And then they'd go for ice cream.
27 (Dana Scully) and 14 (Alex Drake) have been having an affair. Are they hiding this affair from 19 (Olive Snook) or 22 (Cara)? Would they invite 6 (Sophie Devereaux) or 26 (Gene Hunt) over for a threesome? Who discovers their secret affair, 4 (Pam) or 17 (Parker)? And do they reveal their secret or join in?
Right, so. Alex Drake and Dana Scully have been having a secret affair with all of the sex. So clearly Mulder got the two of them over to London and there was a suspicious case and they had to collaborate with the Ashes folk. A case involving time travel and aliens and murder, of course. And then Alex is a hot psychologist and Scully is a hot doctor and they have all of the sex. They mostly have to hide it from Mulder, but that dude is clueless, so it would make more sense that the shenanigans must be hidden from Cara, who is somehow tied to the portal shenanigans because she would want to join in and then they'd never get any work done and also she's a little bit too unstable. Gene Hunt would invite himself over for a threesome, but Scully is too practical for that shit. Sophie, unfortunately, wasn't sucked into any interdimensional portals, so they will just have to do with everybody's favorite rogue time-traveler with a reputation for sexytime excellence. (River.)
10 (River Song) and 1 (Fox Mulder) are invited to a costume party by 23 (Agent Helo). What do they go as? How much time, energy and money do they put into their costumes?
Since it is Agent Helo we're talking about, this is a party in Los Angeles in the early 2000s. It's a fancy masked dance ball, with all very important rich people and their dates invited. (It's totally an investigatory trap.) Agent Helo totally managed to accidentally invite the evil conspiracy, and Mulder got a tip to come. He was going to wear a tux, but he forgot, so he ended up in one of his regular suits, which happens to be black, and then ran to the nearest cheap-ass menswear store and bought himself a crisp white shirt and bow tie (unfortunately, they were all out of black, so he got stuck with navy), and he totally looked raggedy and misplaced but has no idea this is the case. River Song also showed up there to deal with the evil alien conspiracy dudes, but she always knows how to dress period-appropriate. (She's a fucking archaeologist.) So she was in an evening gown with all sorts of hidden fancy alien tech and guns. And that way, when the alien bounty hunter shows up, she just punctured his neck and got on with the champagne. And then when the Rossum dudes showed up and their dates had a technological malfunction due to an alien artifact that Mulder smuggled in, River defused that shit too. (It involved distracting kisses and hallucinogenic kisses!) And then she jumped off the top of the building, just for fun.
2 (Catherine Weaver), 6 (Sophie Devereaux) and 24 (Yosaffbridge) are running a ice cream shop together. What is their ice cream shop named? What is each of their favorite ice cream flavor? How successful are they in their ice cream selling endeavors? Who is their most loyal costumer: 5 (Pinkie Pie) or 12 (Patty Hewes)?
This is clearly a ye olde ice cream shoppe of deception and thievery. So naturally, it is called, "The Emporium of Deliciousness" and it has 1,000 different flavors and toppings and super high quality ice cream and frozen yogurt. Catherine Weaver likes getting vanilla ice cream and then giving it to her daughter. Sophie likes the most chocolatey death by chocolate variety. Yosaffbridge likes to keep her favorite flavor a secret and lie like a fiend to everyone that asks, and thus doesn't really spend much time actually eating her favorite flavor. Anyway, Catherine is a ruthless businesswoman, Sophie is a brilliant saleswoman, and Yosaffbridge's milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard. They've basically demolished all of the competition within a 50 mile radius. Patty Hewes doesn't have time for ice cream, but Pinkie Pie always needs ice cream for parties. They can have ice cream parties at the ice cream parlor!
13 (RuPaul) is a fangirl, of course, and decides to do this very question meme. Which 10 characters are chosen? what sort of questions does 20 (Sexy) ask, and what are 13's (RuPaul) answers?
I would like to state for maximum clarity that this is not at all the real person, RuPaul, but imagining that the host of Drag Race is a fictional character. Because really, I'm not okay with RPF, and this has nothing to do with the person.
Her ten characters are all contestants on Drag Race.
So it goes something like: Raja, Tyra Sanchez, Bebe Zahara Benet, Manila Luzon, Raven, Nina Flowers, Alexis Mateo, Jujubee, Ongina, and Shangela.
Unfortunately, Sexy has a whole lot of tense and time period issues in her questions, so they mostly end up looking like gibberish. For example, "5 and 1 were friends who travel together, with where will they travel together but not together and why 9?"
And, of course, RuPaul's answer would be, "Bitch, you are crazy. But they would have a threesome. In space."
BUT THAT'S NOT ALL. THERE IS A SECOND PART, AND YOU CAN GET TO IT BY CLICKING ON THIS SENTENCE.
well, lj, here's the deal. I wrote so much that I can't fit it all in one post. I broke the updater box.
THIS IS PART ONE, WITH ALL OF BECCA'S QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS.
first, the cast of characters:
01. Fox Mulder from "The X-Files"
02. Catherine Weaver from "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles"
03. Kenzi from "Lost Girl"
04. Pam from "True Blood"
05. Pinkie Pie from "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic"
06. Sophie Devereaux from "Leverage"
07. John Henry from "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles"
08. Irina Derevko from "Alias"
09. Cameron from "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles"
10. River Song from "Doctor Who"
11. Adelle DeWitt from "Dollhouse"
12. Patty Hewes from "Damages"
13. RuPaul* from "RuPaul's Drag Race"
14. Alex Drake from "Ashes to Ashes"
15. Laurence Dominic from "Dollhouse"
16. Donna Noble from "Doctor Who"
17. Parker from "Leverage"
18. Claire Jackman from "Jekyll"
19. Olive Snook from "Pushing Daisies"
20. Sexy from "Doctor Who"
21. Sarah Connor from "Terminator" things
22. Cara from "Legend of the Seeker"
23. Agent Helo from "Dollhouse" & "Battlestar Galactica"
24. Yosaffbridge from "Firefly"
25. Gemma Teller-Morrow from "Sons of Anarchy"
26. Gene Hunt from "Ashes to Ashes"
27. Dana Scully from "The X-Files"
28. Savannah Weaver from "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles"
29. Daisy Adair from "Dead Like Me"
30. Katherine Pierce from "The Vampire Diaries"
*This has absolutely nothing to do with the real person RuPaul, it's just pretending that the host of Drag Race is a fictional character.
next, the questions and answers!
CLASSIC aka_katya QUESTIONS, RENUMBERED: THE ORIGINAL MEME.
If 30 (Katherine Pierce) died from an allergic reaction to a pair of edible undies give to her by 4 (Pam), who would show up at her funeral?
Sexy vampires. (And probably a member of the Scooby Gang attempting to go undercover.) (And Katherine totally faked her death. Pam was in on it. They were part of a secret snarky lesbian vampire conspiracy.)
If 3 (Kenzi) and 20 (Sexy) were the only two people left in the world and had to repopulate the human race, what would their children look like?
They'd be deceptively small and delicate with very large brains and excellent catchphrases. And they'd make the very best traveling companions and best friends.
If 5 (Pinkie Pie) and 11 (Adelle DeWitt) were trapped in a cave together with only a blanket and a toothpick, what would they do?
PARTY.
If 6 (Sophie Devereaux) killed 13 (RuPaul) in a jealous rage, would she get away with it?
RuPaul is immortal. This is clearly all a hoax, designed to con a rogue terrorist faction of the gay mafia. (After the con is run, RuPaul will take Sophie and Parker out shoe shopping and end up giving Parker impromptu lessons on how to be a lady.)
If 10 (River Song) contracted a STD after sleeping with 26 (Gene Hunt), how long would it take for everyone on the list to be infected?
Assuming that small children do not count and that robots are immune to sexually communicable disesases and wouldn't bother having the sex anyways, this is a bit of a trick question. River Song travels in time and with other people who have time machines, so everybody was infected chronologically before this question was even written.
If 16 (Donna Noble), armed only with a fork, fought 28 (Savannah Weaver), who of course is armed with seven pounds of silly putty - who would win?
They wouldn't fight each other, for one. Clearly, Savannah is Donna's newest protege. They're going to save the world together. They would be fighting the forces of evil, and they would win. They are brilliant redheads, and they can both type really fast, and they would be fucking unstoppable together.
If 11 (Adelle DeWitt) wrestled with 3 (Kenzi) in a giant tub of jello, how many tickets would 1 (Fox Mulder) be able to sell to watch them fight?
Fox Mulder would attempt to sell tickets, but would get distracted by the opportunity to tell the large hoardes of assembled people about how aliens were going to kill us all, and wouldn't get around to talking about the jell-o wrestling match. The televised jell-o wrestling match, of course, is an elaborate distraction. Echo accidentally got kidnapped by a pack of territorial mystical werewolves that have each bonded themselves to several of her individual personalities, and the Dollhouse hires Bo to help them get her back. The only way to properly distract all of the werewolves in Vancouver for the werewolf convention is to have an elegant British lady face off against a spunky Canadian.
Would 24 (Yosaffbridge) be more likely to enter into a murder/suicide love pact with 21 (Sarah Connor) or 27 (Dana Scully)?
Sarah Connor would never enter a murder/suicide pact unless it was an elaborate trick to guarantee her some dead robots and a faked death, so she is totally out. Yosaffbridge, a con woman in need of a faked death every once in a while would obviously have red hair in common with Scully. That's a completely solid reason for those two to have all of the sex. And Scully can totally use a faked death every few years. So yeah, it's a sexy redhead conspiracy. And there is no danger, since Scully is canon immortal. In fact, it almost definitely happened in the future.
If 23 (Agent Helo) started his own cult, what would it be called and would 14 (Alex Drake) join?
Agent Helo has started a doomsday cult to warn the world that computers will steal your brain and turn your ladies into slaves and that the only way to salvation is through hot robot girlfriends. It is called, "The Way to True Salvation" and he is the Supreme Counselor. Unfortunately, a lot of very impressionable, attractive young women end up folded into this den of bad decisions. And Agent Helo cannot tell when a woman requires rescuing and when she is breathing, so there are a lot of independant women made into damsels against their will. Alex Drake joins on a undercover mission to take his cult down from the inside. She's fucking good at it, and she can save her fucking self. I mean, that doesn't stop her backup from employing a bit of police brutality at the end, but Alex Drake can out-think armies of hot robot girlfriends, and that's what really matters.
If 10 (River Song) was naked and dipped in chocolate, how many people would line up to lick her clean? Would 24 (Yosaffbridge) be one of them?
Well, there would be a rather large crowd of people lined up to participate. Unfortunately, the Doctor has a Tardis and is not above setting up a paradox so that there is an endless line of Doctors clogging up the queue. (Even if you re-dip her in chocolate as soon as she's clean.) Yosaffbridge, though, is a special case. While she would ordinarily be all over that, there is no guarantee that River's body chocolate is not hallucinogenic, and Yosaffbridge has been burned before. (Where did you think she learned the hallucinogenic lipstick trick from?)
If an army of 1 (Fox Mulder) clones took over the world, how would 11 (Adelle DeWitt) react?
If there is an army of Fox Mulder clones, Adelle would just get out her personal army of Samantha Mulder clones and program all of them to distract him. You know, by showing up and going, "It's me, Samantha!" And if there aren't enough Samantha clones, they can just grab some ladies off of the street and program them with Samantha's memories. Anyway, once all of the Foxes were distracted with their sisters, Adelle would have already used the confusion to take over the world herself.
If 13 (RuPaul) was lost in the jungle with 6 (Sophie Devereaux) and 5 (Pinkie Pie) and had to eat one of them to survive, who would they chose? How would the other react?
Nobody is eating Pinkie Pie. And RuPaul and Sophie are already great friends, so they could never cannibalize each other. And Pinkie Pie is made of magic, so she will just throw a party and everybody will live on cupcakes until help cam come and rescue them.
If 30 (Katherine Pierce) was captured in the jungle by a tribe of cannibals, and given a choice of how she would be cooked - what would she chose? How would she taste? Would 11 (Adelle DeWitt) find her yummy? What is 11 (Adelle DeWitt) doing in the jungle with a tribe of wild cannibals in the first place?
Katherine would clearly choose the slowest rotisserie-style roast possible, to get her flesh as tender as possible. And, you know, because the longer they spend trying to get her to cook, the more chances she has to escape and murder them all. Well, everybody but Adelle. Katherine owed a favor and is secretly there to get Adelle to safety. The Rossum corporation has some strings, let me tell you. Adelle's only there because her plane suffered a mysterious malfunction on the way back from a scientific discovery expedition and she's the only survivor, and she decided that she'd have a better chance of getting the fuck out of there if she found some natives and convinced them through cunning use of chemistry that she was a goddess and should be worshipped and then sent to civilization with as much haste and comfort as possible. Katherine and Adelle are going to get along splendidly.
26 (Gene Hunt) dies of auto-erotic asphyxiation while being serviced by 9 (Cameron). How does 27 (Dana Scully) react?
So we have the "corpse" of a man in a SPOILERY condition found in suspicious circumstances with a woman that has no fingerprints, official identity or reason to be with the corpse. It's just another day in Scully's office. But it definitely has nothing to do with El Chupacabra, Mulder.
25 (Gemma Teller-Morrow), 2 (Catherine Weaver), 9 (Cameron), 16 (Donna Noble) and 3 (Kenzi) are playing a game of strip poker - who wins?
Catherine Weaver loses, since her clothes are all technically one piece of the robot, but nobody else minds. Cameron is too unimaginative to bluff properly, so she's the next to get naked. So then it's Donna, Kenzi and Gemma. Donna may be the world's best temp, but she cannot hold her liquor. So then it's just Kenzi and Gemma battling it out. Kenzi has years of thievery and general misbehavior to fall upon, but Gemma has more of them. On the other hand, Gemma is not in the practice of wearing very many clothes. So then they would both get out the alcohol to make the game better, and by the time that they were in just their underwear, both Gemma and Kenzi would forget that they were competing against each other. And that is how Kenzi became the protege of the baddest biker queen in the state of California.
If 20 (Sexy) was a love song, what would it be called? Would 10 (River Song) sing it to 16 (Donna Noble)? Would this make 1 (Fox Mulder) jealous?
The song would be called, "To the Ends of the Universe" and it would be all about how no matter when and where you are, you are loved. There are all sorts of other songs about Sexy, and especially about things being bigger on the inside, and how awesome it is to steal and bite people, and how awesome is traveling anyway, but that one's the most about love. And fuck yes, River would sing that to Donna. FUCK YOU, RDM. That's just fucking heartbreaking. And even in an alternate universe where Donna was not massively fucked over, River would still sing it, because the two of them would be fucking excellent friends. And yeah, Mulder would be jealous, but he needs to learn that just because he has previously gotten into Scully's pants, that does not give him an unlimited pass into the pants of all super competent redheads and time-travelers with knowledge of the alien conspiracy.
If 27 (Dana Scully) was having an orgy and invited everyone but 2 (Catherine Weaver), would 2 (Catherine Weaver) come anyways? How would 13 (RuPaul) react?
Well, if Scully is going to go and have herself an orgy, everybody would want in on that. Fortunately, Scully has standards. And one of those standards is that no robots or aliens are allowed. So Catherine Weaver would try to disguise herself as Mulder to get in, but this plan would fail when fake!Mulder treated Scully with decency and respect, so she'd get kicked out again. RuPaul would be a bit disappointed, considering all of the different sorts of sex toys that a goobot can shape into, but she would totally get over it.
8 (Irina Derevko), 11 (Adelle DeWitt), and 14 (Alex Drake) are skinny dipping when a great white shark attacks. Who gets eaten first? Does anyone make it out alive? Would 12 (Patty Hewes) risk her life to save everyone?
I can't answer this question. It's too hot. Let's just say that the shark was attracted to the hotness, but then got too close and melted. Patty Hewes wouldn't need to risk her life, but it is in her best interest for all of the naked ladies to be alive. And then my brain exploded, the end.
20 (Sexy) and 14 (Alex Drake) travel back in time. Doing so causes 23 (Agent Helo) to cease to exist. How is the world a different place without 23 (Agent Helo)? Did 20 (Sexy) and 14 (Alex Drake) mean for this to happen or were they really trying to get rid of 26 (Gene Hunt)?
Well, this is almost too easy. We have two canon time-travelers, and Alex would totally love the fuck out of being able to travel via an actual time machine and not just have messages sent through the tv all the time. Anyway, they did not go back to prevent the existence of anything, it was to save Gene Hunt's life. Unfortunately, Agent Helo totally thought that Gene Hunt was part of a conspiracy to turn hot girls into robots (he's not very bright) and he got in the way and then when he was sulking about how Alex wouldn't be his girlfriend, he tripped and fell through a crack in time. But on the upside, Sexy took Alex and Gene back to the 80s and they had lots and lots of wine. And ice cream. Tooootally platonically.
If 26 (Gene Hunt) was a cheesy pickup line, what would it be? Would 17 (Parker) fall for it?
If Gene Hunt was a pickup line. Well, Gene Hunt isn't especially subtle, so it would be something like, "I have wine and a very large bed. You in?" Parker would appreciate the directness, but she is physiologically incapable of falling for pickup lines.
22 (Cara) and 16 (Donna Noble) both fall in a pool of toxic waste. Which one melts into a gooey mess and which one develops super powers? What kinda of super powers do they develop? Do they use them for good or for evil?
Well, Cara already has superpowers, so she dissolves into goo. Well, her clothes do, she's otherwise unharmed. Donna develops the ability to teleport and time travel, with an extra bit of invulnerability and all of her memories back. So she totally uses her powers for good, but first she has to find the Doctor and slap him a few dozen times.
Who is most likely to run down a football field naked during the middle of a televised game, while juggling onions and reciting Shakespeare - 24 (Yosaffbridge) or 10 (River Song)? Who is most likely to be aroused by this performance - 18 (Claire Jackman) or 26 (Gene Hunt)?
Well, River Song has too much class for that. She'd just start shooting things until people did her bidding. So it'd be Yosaffbridge, but it would totally be part of a long con. Claire Jackman does like the crazy, but she's kind of busy dealing with the whole "two husbands" thing. Gene Hunt, on the other hand, would love an excuse to arrest those breasts.
Could 14 (Alex Drake) successfully assassinate 8 (Irina Derevko) with nothing but a piece of paper and a rubber band? Who is most likely to order the assassination of 8 (Irina Derevko) - 23 (Agent Helo) or 27 (Dana Scully)? If 14 (Alex Drake) fails her mission, who would be next in line for the job - 12 (Patty Hewes) or 11 (Adelle DeWitt)?
Here's the thing: there isn't a person in the world who could get one over on Irina Derevko using only a piece of paper and rubber band. It just isn't possible. So Alex never actually stood a chance. (And Agent Helo is an asshole for convincing her that doing so would get her back to her proper time period.) And honestly, only Agent Helo would suggest the paper for a method of assassination. Scully is too busy babyshitting Mulder to get involved in that shit. And while Agent Helo would love to have Patty Hewes (she always wins) and Adelle (leader of an army of programmable people) on his side, both of them would kill him on sight. So his big assassination plans are foiled.
Everyone is invited to a dinner party. By the end of the evening 11 (Adelle DeWitt) is killed in the library with the candlestick, 1 (Fox Mulder) is killed in the study with the lead pipe, 3 (Kenzi) is killed in the kitchen with the rope, 9 (Cameron) in killed in the conservatory with the revolver, and 7 (John Henry) is killed in the ballroom with the rope. Who did it?
Agent Helo. That bitch is untrustworthy. Fortunately, everybody totally saw this coming and Catherine Weaver played the parts of all of the dead people.
6 (Sophie Devereaux) goes crazy and runs around the neighborhood naked under the belief that she is invisible. Does 1 (Fox Mulder) call the cops, or sit back and enjoy the show? Does 22 (Cara) invite herself over and bring snacks? What kind of snacks?
Well, Mulder might call Scully in order to suggest a threesome, but that's about all of the authority people he'd alert. The nakedness was supposed to be a diversion designed to pull Mulder out of his house so that the rest of the team could bug his apartment and therefore Hardison could nail the Lone Gunmen, who totally owe him after a poker game. But no, Mulder refuses to investigate the suspicious alien-esque behavior because he's too busy enjoying the show. Cara would invite herself over, but not to Mulder. She'd invite herself right up to that naked lady and offer sex and then some cookies. And the mental image would cause Mulder to pass out, thus leaving the team an opening into his house, and so Sophie could take Cara up on her offer and when Mulder woke up the next morning convinced that his house had been bugged, not even the Lone Gunmen would believe that story.
4 (Pam) dies in a freak paperclip accident and leaves all her money to 10 (River Song). How does 6 (Sophie Devereaux) react? Did 10 (River Song) kill 4 (Pam) for the money? How does somebody die in a freak paperclip accident anyways?
Well, it is obviously a great tragedy that Pam has been crushed underneath a gigantic industrial crate of paperclips. Except that she totally hasn't died, she just faked her death. Duh, vampire. She only willed her money to River because River was in on the con and they are going to split her life insurance policy. Sophie didn't actally know Pam very well, but she mourns the loss of Pam's shoe collection. That is, of course, until Sophie finds Pam shoe shopping in Paris a few months later and they become good friends and have a lot of very well-costumed sex.
If 7 (John Henry) became supreme leader of the universe, what would be the first thing he would do to create the new world order? What sort of leader would he be? Would 13 (RuPaul) be successful in leading an uprising against him?
Well, it is entirely possible that John Henry could become the unironic leader of the planet, so at the very least, he is prepared. The first thing that John Henry will do is to get rid of all of the nuclear devices. The second thing he would do would be to ensure that the entire planet has access to wifi. He would do lots of other things, but most of them would be pretty decent. I mean, it depends on if he has inheirited the planet after a nuclear fallout or not. If he has, it would totally make sense that RuPaul and her posse of super deady drag queens would try to liberate the planet in the name of all things good and holy. But since it's John Henry and Savannah running shit, there really isn't much for RuPaul to liberate, so John Henry would totally make her the president of North America, since she put in such a great effort.
If 24 (Yosaffbridge) was a contestant in a beauty pageant, would she sleep with all the judges in order to ensure her victory, or would she play fair? What would her talent be in the talent portion of the competition?
Yosaffbridge wouldn't just fuck all of the judges, she'd also make them hallucinate that she's the winner and lock her competition in closets. Most of her talents are for illegal things, like lockpicking and convincing dudes that you are a blushing virgin, so Yosaffbridge would jump topless on a trampoline. She plays to win.
If 16 (Donna Noble) had a livejournal, what would her username be? How many people would be on her flist? Would 2 (Catherine Weaver) friend her? If she posted this crazy cracked up meme on their journal, who out of the 20 would respond with the craziest questions?
Hmm, I have put a lot of thought into this and I am pretty sure that Donna's username would be something like super_noble. Just because. (She's awesome.) And she would be super popular and have a huge flist, but a large amount of those would be sockpuppets that don't ever comment. It'd be okay, because Donna would put up the best linkspam and post the best gossip, she wouldn't really spend a lot of time talking about her feelings. (And then, only behind a lock, and she would choose her inner circle very carefully.) Of course Catherine Weaver would friend her. They're both redheads, Donna's super important, and her linkspams are legendary. The Doctor would post the best questions, but he would do it in the middle of the night after he's hacked River's account.
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CLASSIC aka_katya QUESTIONS, RENUMBERED: THE SECOND MEME.
10 (River Song) is a total fangirl (don't try to deny it, you know she totally is! TRUFAX). What is her favorite guilty pleasure ship? What screenname does she post her smutty fanfic under?
Oh, River Song is totally a ridiculous fangirl. That is only a small part of her online presence, as she has dedicated herself to eradicating spoilers and punishing those who would put spoilery shit outside of a spoiler cut. So after a long few hours of making spoilery assholes cry and re-evaulate their lives (under her fuck_spoilers screenname), River likes to unwind with some ridiculous shipping. The biggest one is obviously Batman/Catwoman. He's a guy that dresses up and tries to save people in the night, taking entirely too much responsibility on himself. She's a morally ambiguous jewel thief with a soft spot for him that's only eclipsed by his soft spot for her. They have really hot sex. Her fics have a reputation for being inventive and plausible, without lots of horrible euphemisms, although she doesn't post especially often (day job.) But seriously, spoil her and you will cry. Oh, you will cry. No bitch spoils River Song.
19 (Olive Snook) needs a vacation. Where does she go? Does she have a crazy vacation romance with 26, (Gene Hunt) 27, (Dana Scully) 21, (Sarah Connor) or 10 (River Song)?
This is a trick question, because Sarah Connor, Dana Scully and Gene Hunt NEVER take vacations. They just don't. So River's the only other person left, and you know she'd be up for some fun vacation sex with Olive. She'd totally stop Olive from moping about Ned while in the very tropical beach locale. It would be fantastic! And then they could totally pull off some kind of heist together! Olive Snook is an ace junior private investigator in training, her skills are totally useful! And she can look innocent in a way that River simply cannot. Clearly, this was meant to be.
28 (Savannah Weaver) and 5 (Pinkie Pie) are both covered in chocolate! Do they fight or fuck cuddle? Who does 7 (John Henry) think looks sexier cuddlier?
There will be no sexual activity between young children, ponies and robots. Those are all off-limits. Clearly Pinkie and Savannah are covered in chocolate after a long day of baking. So they are going to have lots of hugs and then eat some cupcakes and have a party. And John Henry is fond of both of them, but Savannah is his best friend and she is the cuddliest. Pinkie Pie doesn't mind, though. New friends don't always have to be your best friend, it's nice to have friends that you are just friendly with, too.
What food item would 26 (Gene Hunt) use to try and kill 23 (Agent Helo)? How successful would he be?
Well, Agent Helo is kind of ridiculously easy to kill. Gene Hunt could use a soggy tortilla and get the job done. On the other hand, Agent Helo is super annoying, so Gene wouldn't bother with the easy choking hazards/slippery things to trip on. No, Gene Hunt has a plan. He is going to get a brownie that is cut to look like a robot, and then he is going to throw it on the ground and yell, "Oh no! This robot requires rescuing!" and when Agent Helo dives to save the robot, Gene Hunt will just kick him in the head. Yeah, that is cheating, but Gene Hunt doesn't need the rules when it comes to kicking the crap out of annoying assnoodles.
2 (Catherine Weaver) is floating around in the vast nothingness of space and is about to run out of oxygen. Does 19, (Olive Snook) 17, (Parker) 25, (Gemma Teller-Morrow) or 15 (Laurence Dominic) save her? How did 2 (Catherine Weaver) get there in the first place?
Catherine Weaver miscalculated after some time travel, and she could use some rescuing, but she doesn't particularly need that oxygen. Olive is too busy baking to answer the call of duty, Gemma doesn't fucking care about people outside of SAMCRO, Mr. Dominic is stuck in the attic, so that just leaves Paker. Now, Parker could totally do it, 'cause she's a master thief, but before she can get inside the rescue shuttle, Catherine Weaver rescues herself. She's a goobot, she just turns herself into a self-propelled flying object.
Which horrible smutfic cliche would be the most overused in a smutfic written by a thirteen year old (who is actually a 13 year old version of 14 (Alex Drake)) about 1 (Fox Mulder) and 4 (Pam)? How many itty bitty fangirls would squee that the fic was OMG!SO AMAZING BEST EVER!!!!!!!111111!!! 1+4=OTP4EVER!
So, when Alex Drake was 13, the trend in Young Adult literature was vampires. Lots and lots of teenagers and vampires. Well, Alex Drake was too cool for Twilight. (Shut up, I will place this on the timeline whenever the fuck I want.) But she did love The X-Files, mostly because Scully was so great. However, she knew, as most of the Scully fangirls know, that Mulder was not good enough for her. So Scully got shipped with science and Mulder needed a lady to warm his heart. But he needed somebody strong, somebody that would keep him in line and who wouldn't take any shit. And she needed to be supernatural, so that he'd be interested. Clearly, he needed the most badass, no-shit taking vampire to boss his ass around. Enter Pam. So Alex got on her computer and wrote a 14-part series, most of them multi-chaptered, about the great love between Pam and Mulder (and how Scully and Pam were best friends who hung out and had tea a lot.) It wasn't especially good, but it was soap operatic and her grammar was fantastic. There weren't a large number of fangirls squeeing over her work, since the crossover fandoms don't have as much traffic, but amongst the Mulder community, she was legendary, and her posse of fangirls were vicious and loud. Anyway, this was all hosted on GeoCities, so it's all gone now.
22 (Cara) and 1 (Fox Mulder) are characters in a popular pre-teen romance series about unicorns and sparkles and rainbows. Describe the flowery awesomeness of their OMG!4EVER LOVE! How does 22 (Cara) react when 1 (Fox Mulder) is trampled to death by screaming fangirls?
What is it with Mulder and being stuck in the romance novels? It's like he left at the beginning of season 9 and spent the whole time inside of the Harlequin romance oevure. So. He's a brave, bold FBI agent with no patience for rules and regulations. He has a very large heart, and he has never recovered from the mysterious disappearance of his beloved sister. Mulder is driven and determined, but almost too much. You see, he just can't bring himself to let injustice go. He has to tell the world about aliens. Until one day when he falls into a portal and a mystical new world, where magic is real. And then he becomes Cara's sex slave. (You know, in the soft-porn way.) And together, they liberate the unicorns. Well, it's mostly Cara. The blade of her sword is made out of a rainbow. And they know it's true love when after a night of passion, Mulder trips over a tree root and discovers that he bleeds glitter. From there, it's destiny. They must have the child that will grow up to save the planet from the evil that falls from the sky. Well, if Cara is very careful to not decapitate him every time he annoys her. (The secret, of course, is very blurry off-screen oral sex. Constantly. While on horseback, even. If he's not using his mouth on Cara's ladybits, he's in danger of losing his head.) Anyway, when Mulder is trampled to death by the fangirls at the movie pre-launch party, Cara stifles a giggle and then gets on with her life. Because, you know, she's Cara.
15 (Laurence Dominic) is poised to take over the world with an army of loyal minions! The only person who can stop him is 24, (Yosaffbridge) who has just died in an unfortunate accident involving a gluestick and a staplegun. 26 (Gene Hunt) is asked to take up 24's (Yosaffbridge) mission to save the world from 15 (Laurence Dominic) - does he succeed?
Well, the problem is that it is not Mr. Dominic that is trying to take over the world. It is the Rossum corporation using Mr. Dominic's body. Unfortunately for the rescue squad, Adelle is adamant that his body be preserved. Yosaffbridge was the only person around who had hallucinogenic lipstick, which was the first strategy, but Adelle has other plans. She has an almost unlimited source of bodies that she does not even slightly care about. Gene Hunt owes Adelle a favor from back in their days in London. The Gene Hunt plan works by having him show up in the Quattro and convince the Rossum dudes that his body is totally the better body and then he can kidnap Dominic's body, shove it in the trunk, and macho it out of there. Of course he succeeds, he's Gene Hunt. (Alex totally helped save his ass, though.)
Is 1 (Fox Mulder) or 12 (Patty Hewes) more likely to star in a biopic about 25 (Gemma Teller-Morrow)?
Fox Mulder. We already know that he looks good in drag, he likes the attention, and Patty Hewes is too busy pwning all of the other lawyers to give a shit.
In a fight between 16 (Donna Noble) armed with a wicked cool machine gun and 17 (Parker) armed with a toothpick and a rubber band who wins?
Donna and Parker would never fight. But considering that Donna is invincible and Parker can out-backflip machine guns, the only people who would have to worry would be bad guys.
Who is most likely to call in sick to work so they can stay at home in their sweatpants and watch a Lifetime original movie entitled "Crimes of Passion; She Woke Up Pregnant." 6, (Sophie Devereaux) 8, (Irina Derevko) or 11 (Adelle DeWitt)? Who directed this cinematic masterpiece, 15, (Laurence Dominic) 18, (Claire Jackman) or 3 (Kenzi)?
Well, Sophie has the sort of job flexibility that she wouldn't need to call in just to watch the movie (and she totally would watch it.) Irina also has the job flexibility, but she never developed the taste for that sort of thing. Adelle, on the other hand, would totally get tired of the work and the Topher, and would totally spend all day in bed watching shitty movies. Kenzi totally directed it, on a dare, while pretending to be a film school graduate just for the fun of it.
In what sort of universe would 24 (Yosaffbridge) give birth to 27 (Dana Scully)?
In a universe in which time-traveling is possible. They are both redheads. Obviously, the more plausible situation would be that Dana Scully is fucking immortal and she hangs out until the future and then has rebellious, beautiful redheaded daughters that scorn authority and morals and then Uncle Skinner is going to have to drag her home by the ear for a stern lecture, but if Yosaffbridge traveled into the past, she could totally make it work. You know, assuming that Scully's mom is totally cool with adopting another daughter, or having her mind wiped to convince her that Dana has been her kid all along.
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NEW QUESTIONS FROM aka_katya!
1 (Fox Mulder), 24 (Yosaffbridge), 14 (Alex Drake), 9 (Cameron), 3 (Kenzi), and 2 (Catherine Weaver) are in an accident and when they come to they have been transformed into ponies in Equestria in the 1980's! OH SNAP! What are each of their cutie marks? What are their reactions to being ponified? What was the accident that transported then to the pony 80's in the first place?
OH SNAP, INDEED! Mulder's cutie mark is a UFO, obviously. Yosaffbridge's cutie mark is a lipstick that is secretly poison. Alex Drake's cutie mark is a red balloon, because chasing after lost balloons saves lives. Kenzi's cutie mark is a magnifying glass with some mystical symbols on it, because she's a private eye, but with magical creatures. Catherine Weaver's cutie mark is an eel made out of metal, because she is dangerous like an eel and made of metal. Well, Alex Drake has been back to the 80s before, so she figures that the pony bit is a deepening of her hallucination. Cameron and Catherine Weaver have dealt with time travel, but the part where they're ponies is new and weird and they don't know what to do about it, but they're robots and therefore will passively assess the situtation until they can figure out what the fuck is happening. Yosaffbridge has been pulled through time, but I doubt that she would know much about the 80s except that the outfits are fucking outrageous, and she's heard that crazy shit happens when you get smacked with hallucinogenic lipstick, and it is entirely possible that her application was too sloppy. Kenzi is convinced that she is drugged on fae booze and that everything is just hunky-dory. Mulder thinks it's the aliens, of course. And the pony 80s is basically like regular equestria, but everybody's manes are crimped, all of the colors are neon, and there is a whole lot of brightly colored eyeshadow. And shoulderpads. In fact, it was shoulderpads that caused the accident in the first place. This is what happens when science experiments are done on shoulderpads while Pinkie Pie is in the nearby area. On the other hand, that was a pretty epic party. What happens when two pony-conwomen, two robot ponies, and a pony alien conspiracy theorist walk into an 80s party? SHOULDERPADS, that's what happens.
Mulder and Scully are investigating 26 (Gene Hunt). What sort of alien conspiracy is 26 (Gene Hunt) involved in?
Oh, Gene Hunt is an extremely complex case. You see, not only is he British and very abrasive, he doesn't seem to age and he works for a department of the police that is full of time-displaced officers with a literal demon and there are ghost shenanigans. Of course, Mulder starts investigating him under suspicion of lycanthropy. To be fair, he was growling very threateningly when Mulder accidentally dropped from the ceiling and alerted the pile of no-good ruffians that they weren't alone. Scully found that he was perfectly well-behaved, if not a little misinformed as to the nature of how autopsies were conducted, but that was understandable considering how long he'd been with the force. Mulder could not be convinced that there wasn't anything supernatural happening, even after testing him with silver and wolfsbane. So he went and threw a bag of crisps all over the floor in front of DCI Hunt to see if he would compulsively pick them up. (He didn't.) And after it was confirmed that DCI Hunt was also not an incubus (incubi could not resist Scully) or an alien (he knew too much about Earth culture), Mulder admitted defeat and left the X-file open and unsolved. Well, until Scully was organizing one day and accidentally threw it into the trash. (In Scully's defense, their file cabinet space is limited.)
11 (Adelle DeWitt), 16 (Donna Noble) and 20 (Sexy) are locked in a room together. The air conditioning is broken. What do they do to combat the rapidly increasing heat?
Well, for the purposes of this question, Sexy is totally in a human body. First, they take all of their extraneous clothes off. Then, Adelle gets out her booze. Then, they reminisce about England. Then they get bored and decide to play, "Never Have I Ever" and Sexy gets royally trashed, since she has basically done everything. Then, Sexy starts confusing her tenses, and the heat becomes oppressive and they start to become sluggish and loopy. They would all start making out, but the heat is too oppressive and they can't stand flesh-to-flesh contact. So then Donna will take one of Adelle's very sharp stilettos and start using it to break a hole in the door, and eventually, they will all make it to safety and have some friendship sherbet.
8 (Irina Derevko) has been buried alive by 23 (Agent Helo). Why? Out of the remaining 30 who is most likely to notice 8's (Irina Derevko) disappearance? How do they come to 8's (Irina Derevko) rescue?
This is after Agent Helo's attempted paper assassination. Well, you see, Agent Helo has a thing for Sydney Bristow. He thinks that she has been coerced into the CIA and requires some rescuing. And Irina is standing in his way. Jack is super scary, but Agent Helo figures that if he can incapacitate Irina, Jack will be incapacitated with grief and easier to target. Anyway, he watched Quentin Tarantino movies to try and learn how to be tough and decided that being buried alive was an excellent strategy. (He's not very good at strategy.) I'm going to say that even though Irina can totally fucking rescue herself, she could use some assistance. A vampire or robot would be best at digging, but a robot can do it any time day or night. And since Catherine Weaver would totally notice when one of her paid operatives went missing, she'd totally find Irina and break the fuck out of that high tech coffin. And then they'd go for ice cream.
27 (Dana Scully) and 14 (Alex Drake) have been having an affair. Are they hiding this affair from 19 (Olive Snook) or 22 (Cara)? Would they invite 6 (Sophie Devereaux) or 26 (Gene Hunt) over for a threesome? Who discovers their secret affair, 4 (Pam) or 17 (Parker)? And do they reveal their secret or join in?
Right, so. Alex Drake and Dana Scully have been having a secret affair with all of the sex. So clearly Mulder got the two of them over to London and there was a suspicious case and they had to collaborate with the Ashes folk. A case involving time travel and aliens and murder, of course. And then Alex is a hot psychologist and Scully is a hot doctor and they have all of the sex. They mostly have to hide it from Mulder, but that dude is clueless, so it would make more sense that the shenanigans must be hidden from Cara, who is somehow tied to the portal shenanigans because she would want to join in and then they'd never get any work done and also she's a little bit too unstable. Gene Hunt would invite himself over for a threesome, but Scully is too practical for that shit. Sophie, unfortunately, wasn't sucked into any interdimensional portals, so they will just have to do with everybody's favorite rogue time-traveler with a reputation for sexytime excellence. (River.)
10 (River Song) and 1 (Fox Mulder) are invited to a costume party by 23 (Agent Helo). What do they go as? How much time, energy and money do they put into their costumes?
Since it is Agent Helo we're talking about, this is a party in Los Angeles in the early 2000s. It's a fancy masked dance ball, with all very important rich people and their dates invited. (It's totally an investigatory trap.) Agent Helo totally managed to accidentally invite the evil conspiracy, and Mulder got a tip to come. He was going to wear a tux, but he forgot, so he ended up in one of his regular suits, which happens to be black, and then ran to the nearest cheap-ass menswear store and bought himself a crisp white shirt and bow tie (unfortunately, they were all out of black, so he got stuck with navy), and he totally looked raggedy and misplaced but has no idea this is the case. River Song also showed up there to deal with the evil alien conspiracy dudes, but she always knows how to dress period-appropriate. (She's a fucking archaeologist.) So she was in an evening gown with all sorts of hidden fancy alien tech and guns. And that way, when the alien bounty hunter shows up, she just punctured his neck and got on with the champagne. And then when the Rossum dudes showed up and their dates had a technological malfunction due to an alien artifact that Mulder smuggled in, River defused that shit too. (It involved distracting kisses and hallucinogenic kisses!) And then she jumped off the top of the building, just for fun.
2 (Catherine Weaver), 6 (Sophie Devereaux) and 24 (Yosaffbridge) are running a ice cream shop together. What is their ice cream shop named? What is each of their favorite ice cream flavor? How successful are they in their ice cream selling endeavors? Who is their most loyal costumer: 5 (Pinkie Pie) or 12 (Patty Hewes)?
This is clearly a ye olde ice cream shoppe of deception and thievery. So naturally, it is called, "The Emporium of Deliciousness" and it has 1,000 different flavors and toppings and super high quality ice cream and frozen yogurt. Catherine Weaver likes getting vanilla ice cream and then giving it to her daughter. Sophie likes the most chocolatey death by chocolate variety. Yosaffbridge likes to keep her favorite flavor a secret and lie like a fiend to everyone that asks, and thus doesn't really spend much time actually eating her favorite flavor. Anyway, Catherine is a ruthless businesswoman, Sophie is a brilliant saleswoman, and Yosaffbridge's milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard. They've basically demolished all of the competition within a 50 mile radius. Patty Hewes doesn't have time for ice cream, but Pinkie Pie always needs ice cream for parties. They can have ice cream parties at the ice cream parlor!
13 (RuPaul) is a fangirl, of course, and decides to do this very question meme. Which 10 characters are chosen? what sort of questions does 20 (Sexy) ask, and what are 13's (RuPaul) answers?
I would like to state for maximum clarity that this is not at all the real person, RuPaul, but imagining that the host of Drag Race is a fictional character. Because really, I'm not okay with RPF, and this has nothing to do with the person.
Her ten characters are all contestants on Drag Race.
So it goes something like: Raja, Tyra Sanchez, Bebe Zahara Benet, Manila Luzon, Raven, Nina Flowers, Alexis Mateo, Jujubee, Ongina, and Shangela.
Unfortunately, Sexy has a whole lot of tense and time period issues in her questions, so they mostly end up looking like gibberish. For example, "5 and 1 were friends who travel together, with where will they travel together but not together and why 9?"
And, of course, RuPaul's answer would be, "Bitch, you are crazy. But they would have a threesome. In space."
BUT THAT'S NOT ALL. THERE IS A SECOND PART, AND YOU CAN GET TO IT BY CLICKING ON THIS SENTENCE.