well, i've been home for about 4 days, and am now very much aware why i can't stand it. and to make things worse i have none of the escapes that i previously had. i spend my first weekend home at my grandmother's and my adorable baby nephew, however, within an hour of walking into my door i am thrown into a whirlwind of family drama that brought me ( Read more... )

monday of finals week...what a concept. alhtough i have never really understood the susicidal stress students feel during this time, i can understand why there is a need for an extra 'something' to help this period pass smoother. whether it's smoking more, drinking more, or whatever eases the stress that is felt. in that sense, i am a typical ( Read more... )

laksdjfklasdjfasdcvnabuhefgjhcbasvfjhawdgshflasgdjlfg! i am now solidfied in my very low opinion of emotion and its effects. my best friend, has drove me to the point where i cannot stay focused on any one thing and damn i can't even figure out what i want to say here! emotion floods the senses and the mind preventing them from functioning. i have ( Read more... )

i'm sick. although i'm not entirely sure what has caused it. i know it has to be a accumlation of things. first, i'm exausted. i think i have finally reached my breaking point. i am more than a full-time student and am almost a full-time worker. i have four papers due within the next 10 days, not to mention the fact that i have to keep up with all ( Read more... )

what is it about the number 3? ok, i'll be the first to admit that my life is not all that great (yet not all that bad either) but when 3 people remind me of the same fault in three separate incidences within 20 hours of each other i'm feeling the need to pay attention. i have come to the conclusion that i do have emotions and to try and deny and/ ( Read more... )

Dammit!!!!! why don't i learn!!!!!!! why can't i learn?!?!?!?!

wow, everyone knows the overused saying 'you don't know what you had until you lose it', yeah well i think i just proved that wrong. i lost the love of my life and i knew that i loved him before i lost him, but i'm not heartbroken, i'm not teary-eyed, i'm not even upset about it. it just happened. now here is the kind of cold and empty feeling (for ( Read more... )

my life has been so emersed in pain and emotion that i am not sure how to make sense of it. i spent the entire summer dwelling on how wonderful and amazing my school was and how much i wished i could be back there instead of the montonous world of my bedroom and my computer. well, my dream of returning was almost crushed, and i had to come to the ( Read more... )

this journal was created for the sole purpose of organizing my thoughts into comphrendable words and phrases, therefore allowing me to deal with whatever problems plague my life as well as my sleep scheldule. so if it seems that all i do is vent or spill out angery thoughts, this journal is fulfilling its purpose. life has once again thrown a ( Read more... )

i have been in a very strange and almost foreign mood all day. it's that annoyed feeling you get when you know you're worng but don't want to admitt it jsut yet. it's comtemplative yet my mind has conducted this same argument time and time again, and knows the conclusion that it will come to. i am a strong and usually very outspoken person, and my ( Read more... )