Because a cat named Danzig would drink 4 gallons of whiskey then light "Uther" or "Furry Tail" on fire, just for telling him his fur looked nice today. It'd be incredible and I'd give him some catnip for a job well-done... literally! Me and Danzig would laugh at his awesome joke at this point.
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I THINK NOT!
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And hey, I was totally going to pay for that.
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