jkdjim: you know me ( Read more... )

today i woke up in a brothel in yemen. im not quite sure what i did last night, but i must have been pretty drunk.

After riding my unicorn to my office building where i work as a maple syrup taste tester, I walked to the local national park and set a forest fire. now im bored.

let's say...hypothetically...that you accidentally run over a person on your way to school ( Read more... )

today i had sex with five different people. one was a prostitute...we didnt use a condom or anything cos im sure hes clean...right?

after eating two dozen hamburgers, i decided i should go for a walk around the block to work them off. unfortunately, after walking for two minutes, one of my arteries exploded and i was rushed to the hospital. while i was there, i ate a nurse.

this morning i was hungry and i had no food in my log cabin so i ate a tarantula. chewy.

he was delicious.

today i went fishing for sharks. i caught five and them roasted them in my log cabin. one was a bit feisty so i smacked it against the wall a few times.

Today I woke up late and walked my penguin around the block. He got really thirsty so i brought him home and made him a milkshake.