thinking; and, excerpts.

[sober_cannibal]

first off, i just read a few paragraphs from my book i wanted to share, simply because i really enjoyed them and just have to type them out here.

One of the first things you hear in AA - one of the first things that makes core, gut-level sense - is that in some deep and important personal respects you stop growing when you start drinking

Comments

[kamrushepash]

That is also my core issue, too. I have a feeling it is the same with many addicts of all sorts. We never feel like we measure up to what the world wants of us, whether it really wants it of us or we think it wants it of us. I've been working on that alot of late.

[sober_cannibal]

yeah; i'm not even sure WHERE to start working on it. honestly, it started becoming clearer after i went to my first SMART meeting and we walked through an event where i would be driven to drinking. i realized that the core feeling behind the event i chose to talk about was actually feeling like a hypocrite - feeling "bad." the more i think about it, it just makes sense. growing up in a religious family is not something i resent, but i think it did damage in a few ways, and that is one of them. it's something i have to figure out, somehow, and fix. :/

[kamrushepash]

One of my posts mentions a quote from Kelsey Grammar who said something along the lines that addiction is unresolved grief. And unresolved grief can be, quite clearly, not feeling good enough.

I'm guessing you have to figure out whether or not the religion you were brought up in actually works for you, and then chose to be strong in it or leave it for what does work. Hard choice, but choosing could be exactly the lifeline you need.

[sober_cannibal]

huh. good quote; good point. i agree wholeheartedly. i would've probably said "unexpressed anger" but i think it's about the same thing, really. i think those emotions are driven by the same forces - anger and grief.

i think my problem has more to do with my head than anything else, you know? i know, deep down, that my problems with feeling "not good enough" are not reinforced by any religious beliefs i was raised with. honestly, i think my father went through a really unhealthy period while i was growing up - and he became highly critical and judgmental. this isn't really who he is, if you were to meet him now you'd never believe it. he's grown and learned so much as a person; it required him to be humbled before he could grow, but it's happened. now, he's left damage that connects in my mind to spiritual things - i think it's a matter of washing those imprints away and re-learning what it is to have spirituality and not just fury.