Even If You Never Love Me, Chapter 5
Rating: M
Genres: Angst, Romance, Drama
Warnings: I possibly dropped a cuss word in there. Can't really remember.
Spoilers: Up through Special Education
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.
Author's Notes: This is my original plot, guys! No prompts required! Big deal for me...
Summary: Kurt didn't immediately fall in love with Blaine. They're just friends, best friends, whose sexualities happen to be compatible. Or, so Kurt thought.
Word Count: 2,166
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4
Blaine can't move, still reeling from shock, so he's forced to listen to the garage door open, to the Escalade peel out onto the road, to Kurt leaving him.
That's not what he meant. He doesn't think of Kurt as some whore. He loves him.
It's not fair.
He was so close.
When his limbs finally respond, he drags himself to his bedroom, one of the few spots in his house he didn't show Kurt for fear of seeming too forward. As if they were on a date or something. He was so stupid!
He locks his door, hiding away as if anyone would come looking for him.
It's not fair. Just as he feared, opening his stupid mouth lost him Kurt.
Never has he felt so alone. Not on the Hummels' couch, not this past month in the empty mansion, not on his fourth birthday. He's never been as alone as he is now that Kurt's left him.
He doesn't deserve to wear these clothes. These are Kurt's clothes, and Kurt hates him now, so he's lost the right to wear them.
He undresses, but as he holds the snow pants, sweater, socks, ear muffs, and cap bundled in his arms, he finds he can't bring himself to part with them.
These very well may be his last pieces of Kurt.
He collapses to his bed and hugs the clothing to his chest.
He lost him. The most important person in his world, and he lost him, all because he was too stupid to keep his secret to himself.
It's not fair.
He falls to his pillows and buries his face in Kurt's clothes. That smell. Kurt may hate him, but Blaine still loves him, so that smell...
Blaine starts to sob.
He can't help it, and there's not reason to stop it anymore.
Kurt's gone.
Kurt bursts into the Hummel home with tears streaming down his anger-tightened face.
Before anyone can ask what happened, he sternly commands, "I don't want to talk about it. Please leave me alone," and stomps up to his room.
Carole sighs as she lifts herself from the couch, "I'll warm up the milk."
"No," Finn lays his hand on his mother's arm, looking like he's mulling something over in his mind before nodding at his own decision. "I've got this."
Carole sits back down and she and Burt share a smile. They've been working to get a brotherhood going between their sons, standing back and letting the boys forge the relationship, so when Finn goes and volunteers to comfort Kurt, they certainly aren't gong to stand in the way.
Finn has a rubber handball. It's names Blinky, but only because he's had it since he was six and six-year-olds are allowed to name... anything. It's got a smiley face drawn in Sharpie, a chunk missing from when Puck tossed it off his roof, and it bounces off walls really well. Over and over. With a resounding thud every time.
Kurt doesn't even knock before bursting into the room.
Finn isn't exactly caught off guard, "Hey, Kurt!"
"Stop it."
"Stop... greeting you?"
Kurt takes a menacing step forward, "I know you're doing it on purpose, though I fail to see why you would torment me when I am so obviously on edge."
"Huh?"
"Stop. Bouncing. That. Ball. Off. My. Wall."
"Ohhh! That's right, your room's right there. I always forget there's something on the other side of that wall."
"There is always something on the other side of walls, Finn!"
"I'm just used to playing with other people, someone to catch and throw it back. No wall required."
Kurt just blinks at him, so Finn makes it more obvious.
"If you play with me, I'll stop bouncing the ball off your wall."
Kurt rolls his (red, puffy) eyes, "As sly as it is, I'm not falling for your game."
"Suit yourself," Finn shrugs, and bounces the ball off Kurt's wall.
Kurt bristles at the sound. "Fine," he seats himself on Finn's bed, in front of his target wall, and holds up a cupped palm in preparation to catch.
Finn gently lobs Blinky and Kurt catches it easily.
He doesn't return it.
"Dude, you would suck at Hot Potato."
Kurt sighs, "You obviously want to talk about what upset me, so let's just skip this ridiculous sports metaphor and get to it. Blaine and I had a fight."
"That sucks. I get it, Puck and I have those all the time."
"Not like this, you don't."
Finn has a sinking feeling he knows what's behind this fight, but he can't dwell on that. If he does, it will show on his face, and for this comforting thing to work, Kurt can't know he knew Blaine's secret first... and kind of, sort of, maybe convinced Blaine to share it.
"Finn, last year, when... you know?"
Finn does, because that's always how they refer to Kurt's crush on him and Finn's subsequent blow-up: 'Last year, when... you know.'
At Finn's nod, Kurt continues, "Did I ever make you feel... cheap?"
Okay, Finn wasn't expecting that one. Roll with it. "No, Man. The opposite. You kind of worshiped the ground I walked on."
Kurt blushes, still embarrassed about how intensely obvious his feelings were.
"So... did Blaine make you feel cheap?"
Kurt looks down at Finn's comforter, tracing the brown and green patterns, "Apparently not all Blaine's feelings toward me are strictly... platonic."
Finn does an admirable job of keeping a blank face, "Yeah?"
"Yeah. And tonight, he... said he'd give me anything if I would spend the night with him."
Finn's jaw drops, "Are you serious?"
"Those were his words."
So much for the starry-eyed romantic from the night before. So much for pure love for Kurt. So much for Blaine doing everything in his power not to lose Kurt's friendship. That horndog!
Kurt sniffles, "He was my best friend. I thought... I thought he..." He trails off, face unable to decide if he wants to finish his sentence or just cry. Kurt gasps when the bed dips beside him. He looks up to see Finn, wide-eyed with worry. "He... He treated me like a whore."
Finn gently wraps his arms around Kurt.
"I'm not a whore."
His grip tightens, "I know."
"Why... Why would he treat me like one?"
Finn can only be honest, "I don't know."
Blaine wakes up freezing. He tries to burrow into warmth but can find none. When his body shivers, he finally decides to take stock of his situation and open his eyes.
He's in just his underwear. On top of his covers. Surrounded by winter-wear.
It all comes tumbling back to him: how he lost Kurt.
Maybe if he just lies here, he can freeze to death and let it all be over.
Let Kurt forever think he only ever wanted him for his body.
No. Blaine can't let that happen. He needs Kurt to know the truth. He has to at least try before giving up completely.
And the sooner, the better.
Blaine throws on an outfit, warmer than the one he put on the last time he headed for Lima, and his heart fills with hope.
Maybe, if he gets to Kurt soon enough, if he explains himself well enough, things don't have to be so bad. Things don't have to be over.
Maybe, they can just pretend this never happened.
He rushes to the underground parking garage, grabs one of the dozens of keys at random (the Lexus beeps in answer to the button on the key chain), and races toward Lima.
He leaves his self-preservation instincts in the driveway. It's by some sort of miracle he doesn't hit a patch of black ice (or a highway patrolman's radar range), because at 90 miles per hour, there'd be nothing to save him. He makes it to Lima in forty minutes.
Blaine knows Kurt's at his dad's shop. He works there every Friday he has off from school since it's the busiest day. Blaine knows Kurt's schedule like he knows the lyrics to every Katy Perry song and the ingredient list to the best hair gels. Kurt's his life.
He can't lose that.
He pulls into the closest space to the garage entrance and breathes a sigh of relief when he sees they're open. He has no idea what time it is.
He doesn't even lock his car before rushing toward the entrance.
Before he can enter, though, Finn appears, inadvertently blocking the way. Blaine wasn't expecting to see Finn here, but that's inconsequential. He needs to see Kurt.
Finn, however, is obviously immensely surprised to see Blaine, "What are you doing here?"
"I need to speak with Kurt," Blaine tries to move around him.
Finn doesn't let him, "I don't think so."
"It's important," Blaine doesn't even try to hide the desperation rising in his voice.
"You lost that privilege yesterday."
Blaine's taken aback. What does Finn know?
"Trying to pay him to sleep with you, Dude? Dumb move."
So he knows everything, then. "Finn, you don't understand-"
"I understand my brother's hurt and you caused it."
He's hurt. Oh, God, he's hurt. Of course he's hurt; he left hurt. Blaine needs to fix this. He tries to push past Finn, but Finn easily puts a hand to Blaine's chest and moves him back.
"Please, it was a misunderstanding! I didn't mean it that way! I would never intentionally hurt Kurt!"
Finn doesn't move out of the way, but he does remove his hand from Blaine's sweater, "Explain it to me."
"I just wanted him to stay, to spend more time with me. It had nothing to do with s-sleeping with him. I just didn't want him to leave me. Please, I have to tell him before it's too late."
"How can I be sure you're telling the truth?" The question doesn't come from Finn. Blaine turns, peeks around the tall teen to see Kurt a few meters behind him. He looks sad, confused, and so vulnerable Blaine wants to protect him from the world.
Blaine locks eyes with him, "You're my best friend."
Kurt lowers his gaze to the ground and bites his lip.
Blaine holds his breath, waiting.
Kurt turns away, and Blaine almost cries before Kurt speaks, "We can talk in my dad's office."
Blaine's sigh is shaky and filled with too much emotion for him to trust himself to contain, but when Finn steps aside, Blaine sprints to that office door.
Kurt's standing in front of the desk, arms over his chest, looking like... he might actually hear Blaine out.
"I don't think you're a whore," probably isn't the best way to start, but it's what comes out and at least it's the truth.
"So, you weren't trying to sleep with me?"
"No! I just wanted to spend more time with you, that's all."
"You were kissing me when you asked me to stay."
Blaine's pretty sure he's not going to like where this conversation goes, "...Uh-huh."
"I was just supposed to think those were unrelated?"
"I know it was stupid-"
"Do you want to have sex with me?"
"What?" Blaine blanches, because what?
"Do you want to have sex with me?" Kurt enunciates every syllable, like he's not just laying it all on the line, calling Blaine out on his deepest feelings.
Blaine mulls his response over in his mind, because this could be a game-ender. "I'd be lying if I said I didn't. But, that's such a small part of it! There's so much more that I want!"
"What do you want, Blaine?"
It's such a simple question, with so much potential for pain.
"In a perfect world?"
"What about a perfect world?"
Blaine sighs, shaky and loud, "In a perfect world, I'd be able to know what it's like to... hold your hand? Take you on a date? Kiss you? You'd let me feel what it's like to be your boyfriend, just for a day. Just for one day. One day where you're mine?"
Kurt just stares back at him, jaw slack and face unreadable.
Suddenly, Blaine feels way too exposed. He's said too much, scared Kurt off. "Say something?"
It's at this moment, this completely inopportune moment, that Burt decides to shout from somewhere on the other side of the garage, "Why the hell isn't the carburetor replaced in this Camry? Kurt, where are you?"
Kurt turns toward his father's voice, toward the exit. "I should go."
And, that's it. Blaine's put himself all out there, and Kurt's just going to walk away.
Except, Kurt turns back, and there's something reassuring in his expression when he asks, "So, I'll see you at school?"
Blaine's too shocked to answer at first, choking on his own words before he can form, "Yeah."
Kurt nods and walks out of the office.
Blaine holds onto the hope that maybe, just maybe, things aren't all over for them.
Chapter 6
Genres: Angst, Romance, Drama
Warnings: I possibly dropped a cuss word in there. Can't really remember.
Spoilers: Up through Special Education
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.
Author's Notes: This is my original plot, guys! No prompts required! Big deal for me...
Summary: Kurt didn't immediately fall in love with Blaine. They're just friends, best friends, whose sexualities happen to be compatible. Or, so Kurt thought.
Word Count: 2,166
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4
Blaine can't move, still reeling from shock, so he's forced to listen to the garage door open, to the Escalade peel out onto the road, to Kurt leaving him.
That's not what he meant. He doesn't think of Kurt as some whore. He loves him.
It's not fair.
He was so close.
When his limbs finally respond, he drags himself to his bedroom, one of the few spots in his house he didn't show Kurt for fear of seeming too forward. As if they were on a date or something. He was so stupid!
He locks his door, hiding away as if anyone would come looking for him.
It's not fair. Just as he feared, opening his stupid mouth lost him Kurt.
Never has he felt so alone. Not on the Hummels' couch, not this past month in the empty mansion, not on his fourth birthday. He's never been as alone as he is now that Kurt's left him.
He doesn't deserve to wear these clothes. These are Kurt's clothes, and Kurt hates him now, so he's lost the right to wear them.
He undresses, but as he holds the snow pants, sweater, socks, ear muffs, and cap bundled in his arms, he finds he can't bring himself to part with them.
These very well may be his last pieces of Kurt.
He collapses to his bed and hugs the clothing to his chest.
He lost him. The most important person in his world, and he lost him, all because he was too stupid to keep his secret to himself.
It's not fair.
He falls to his pillows and buries his face in Kurt's clothes. That smell. Kurt may hate him, but Blaine still loves him, so that smell...
Blaine starts to sob.
He can't help it, and there's not reason to stop it anymore.
Kurt's gone.
Kurt bursts into the Hummel home with tears streaming down his anger-tightened face.
Before anyone can ask what happened, he sternly commands, "I don't want to talk about it. Please leave me alone," and stomps up to his room.
Carole sighs as she lifts herself from the couch, "I'll warm up the milk."
"No," Finn lays his hand on his mother's arm, looking like he's mulling something over in his mind before nodding at his own decision. "I've got this."
Carole sits back down and she and Burt share a smile. They've been working to get a brotherhood going between their sons, standing back and letting the boys forge the relationship, so when Finn goes and volunteers to comfort Kurt, they certainly aren't gong to stand in the way.
Finn has a rubber handball. It's names Blinky, but only because he's had it since he was six and six-year-olds are allowed to name... anything. It's got a smiley face drawn in Sharpie, a chunk missing from when Puck tossed it off his roof, and it bounces off walls really well. Over and over. With a resounding thud every time.
Kurt doesn't even knock before bursting into the room.
Finn isn't exactly caught off guard, "Hey, Kurt!"
"Stop it."
"Stop... greeting you?"
Kurt takes a menacing step forward, "I know you're doing it on purpose, though I fail to see why you would torment me when I am so obviously on edge."
"Huh?"
"Stop. Bouncing. That. Ball. Off. My. Wall."
"Ohhh! That's right, your room's right there. I always forget there's something on the other side of that wall."
"There is always something on the other side of walls, Finn!"
"I'm just used to playing with other people, someone to catch and throw it back. No wall required."
Kurt just blinks at him, so Finn makes it more obvious.
"If you play with me, I'll stop bouncing the ball off your wall."
Kurt rolls his (red, puffy) eyes, "As sly as it is, I'm not falling for your game."
"Suit yourself," Finn shrugs, and bounces the ball off Kurt's wall.
Kurt bristles at the sound. "Fine," he seats himself on Finn's bed, in front of his target wall, and holds up a cupped palm in preparation to catch.
Finn gently lobs Blinky and Kurt catches it easily.
He doesn't return it.
"Dude, you would suck at Hot Potato."
Kurt sighs, "You obviously want to talk about what upset me, so let's just skip this ridiculous sports metaphor and get to it. Blaine and I had a fight."
"That sucks. I get it, Puck and I have those all the time."
"Not like this, you don't."
Finn has a sinking feeling he knows what's behind this fight, but he can't dwell on that. If he does, it will show on his face, and for this comforting thing to work, Kurt can't know he knew Blaine's secret first... and kind of, sort of, maybe convinced Blaine to share it.
"Finn, last year, when... you know?"
Finn does, because that's always how they refer to Kurt's crush on him and Finn's subsequent blow-up: 'Last year, when... you know.'
At Finn's nod, Kurt continues, "Did I ever make you feel... cheap?"
Okay, Finn wasn't expecting that one. Roll with it. "No, Man. The opposite. You kind of worshiped the ground I walked on."
Kurt blushes, still embarrassed about how intensely obvious his feelings were.
"So... did Blaine make you feel cheap?"
Kurt looks down at Finn's comforter, tracing the brown and green patterns, "Apparently not all Blaine's feelings toward me are strictly... platonic."
Finn does an admirable job of keeping a blank face, "Yeah?"
"Yeah. And tonight, he... said he'd give me anything if I would spend the night with him."
Finn's jaw drops, "Are you serious?"
"Those were his words."
So much for the starry-eyed romantic from the night before. So much for pure love for Kurt. So much for Blaine doing everything in his power not to lose Kurt's friendship. That horndog!
Kurt sniffles, "He was my best friend. I thought... I thought he..." He trails off, face unable to decide if he wants to finish his sentence or just cry. Kurt gasps when the bed dips beside him. He looks up to see Finn, wide-eyed with worry. "He... He treated me like a whore."
Finn gently wraps his arms around Kurt.
"I'm not a whore."
His grip tightens, "I know."
"Why... Why would he treat me like one?"
Finn can only be honest, "I don't know."
Blaine wakes up freezing. He tries to burrow into warmth but can find none. When his body shivers, he finally decides to take stock of his situation and open his eyes.
He's in just his underwear. On top of his covers. Surrounded by winter-wear.
It all comes tumbling back to him: how he lost Kurt.
Maybe if he just lies here, he can freeze to death and let it all be over.
Let Kurt forever think he only ever wanted him for his body.
No. Blaine can't let that happen. He needs Kurt to know the truth. He has to at least try before giving up completely.
And the sooner, the better.
Blaine throws on an outfit, warmer than the one he put on the last time he headed for Lima, and his heart fills with hope.
Maybe, if he gets to Kurt soon enough, if he explains himself well enough, things don't have to be so bad. Things don't have to be over.
Maybe, they can just pretend this never happened.
He rushes to the underground parking garage, grabs one of the dozens of keys at random (the Lexus beeps in answer to the button on the key chain), and races toward Lima.
He leaves his self-preservation instincts in the driveway. It's by some sort of miracle he doesn't hit a patch of black ice (or a highway patrolman's radar range), because at 90 miles per hour, there'd be nothing to save him. He makes it to Lima in forty minutes.
Blaine knows Kurt's at his dad's shop. He works there every Friday he has off from school since it's the busiest day. Blaine knows Kurt's schedule like he knows the lyrics to every Katy Perry song and the ingredient list to the best hair gels. Kurt's his life.
He can't lose that.
He pulls into the closest space to the garage entrance and breathes a sigh of relief when he sees they're open. He has no idea what time it is.
He doesn't even lock his car before rushing toward the entrance.
Before he can enter, though, Finn appears, inadvertently blocking the way. Blaine wasn't expecting to see Finn here, but that's inconsequential. He needs to see Kurt.
Finn, however, is obviously immensely surprised to see Blaine, "What are you doing here?"
"I need to speak with Kurt," Blaine tries to move around him.
Finn doesn't let him, "I don't think so."
"It's important," Blaine doesn't even try to hide the desperation rising in his voice.
"You lost that privilege yesterday."
Blaine's taken aback. What does Finn know?
"Trying to pay him to sleep with you, Dude? Dumb move."
So he knows everything, then. "Finn, you don't understand-"
"I understand my brother's hurt and you caused it."
He's hurt. Oh, God, he's hurt. Of course he's hurt; he left hurt. Blaine needs to fix this. He tries to push past Finn, but Finn easily puts a hand to Blaine's chest and moves him back.
"Please, it was a misunderstanding! I didn't mean it that way! I would never intentionally hurt Kurt!"
Finn doesn't move out of the way, but he does remove his hand from Blaine's sweater, "Explain it to me."
"I just wanted him to stay, to spend more time with me. It had nothing to do with s-sleeping with him. I just didn't want him to leave me. Please, I have to tell him before it's too late."
"How can I be sure you're telling the truth?" The question doesn't come from Finn. Blaine turns, peeks around the tall teen to see Kurt a few meters behind him. He looks sad, confused, and so vulnerable Blaine wants to protect him from the world.
Blaine locks eyes with him, "You're my best friend."
Kurt lowers his gaze to the ground and bites his lip.
Blaine holds his breath, waiting.
Kurt turns away, and Blaine almost cries before Kurt speaks, "We can talk in my dad's office."
Blaine's sigh is shaky and filled with too much emotion for him to trust himself to contain, but when Finn steps aside, Blaine sprints to that office door.
Kurt's standing in front of the desk, arms over his chest, looking like... he might actually hear Blaine out.
"I don't think you're a whore," probably isn't the best way to start, but it's what comes out and at least it's the truth.
"So, you weren't trying to sleep with me?"
"No! I just wanted to spend more time with you, that's all."
"You were kissing me when you asked me to stay."
Blaine's pretty sure he's not going to like where this conversation goes, "...Uh-huh."
"I was just supposed to think those were unrelated?"
"I know it was stupid-"
"Do you want to have sex with me?"
"What?" Blaine blanches, because what?
"Do you want to have sex with me?" Kurt enunciates every syllable, like he's not just laying it all on the line, calling Blaine out on his deepest feelings.
Blaine mulls his response over in his mind, because this could be a game-ender. "I'd be lying if I said I didn't. But, that's such a small part of it! There's so much more that I want!"
"What do you want, Blaine?"
It's such a simple question, with so much potential for pain.
"In a perfect world?"
"What about a perfect world?"
Blaine sighs, shaky and loud, "In a perfect world, I'd be able to know what it's like to... hold your hand? Take you on a date? Kiss you? You'd let me feel what it's like to be your boyfriend, just for a day. Just for one day. One day where you're mine?"
Kurt just stares back at him, jaw slack and face unreadable.
Suddenly, Blaine feels way too exposed. He's said too much, scared Kurt off. "Say something?"
It's at this moment, this completely inopportune moment, that Burt decides to shout from somewhere on the other side of the garage, "Why the hell isn't the carburetor replaced in this Camry? Kurt, where are you?"
Kurt turns toward his father's voice, toward the exit. "I should go."
And, that's it. Blaine's put himself all out there, and Kurt's just going to walk away.
Except, Kurt turns back, and there's something reassuring in his expression when he asks, "So, I'll see you at school?"
Blaine's too shocked to answer at first, choking on his own words before he can form, "Yeah."
Kurt nods and walks out of the office.
Blaine holds onto the hope that maybe, just maybe, things aren't all over for them.
Chapter 6