In my recovery I've gotten a lot better at identifying feelings. I've also improved in feeling them, or rather letting myself feel them. One area where I have a lot of room for growth is listening to what those feelings are telling me. It's been a interesting insight for me that I reject what I'm feeling the most because it's telling me that I have ( Read more... )

I'm not really a resolution person. Most of my resolutions, starting at age 9 were to lose weight or to get straight A's. As I've gotten older I've made them less and less. Now that I'm at the point I am in my life I think more about what experiences I want to have in 2016. I was talking with a dear friend about beauty experiments we'd done over ( Read more... )

Not in any particular order:
1.) I turned 30! I'm enjoying my 30's thus far. I threw myself a birthday party for the first time since I was 10! People came! People sang to me! I was surrounded by people I loved playing board games and eating cake. It was awesome.

2.) I took a great trip to Oregon with dorchadas, his parents, and sister. We visited so many ( Read more... )

I was a prolific storyteller and writer growing up. I told stories at summer camp during rest hour or free time. People would come to listen and I even did voices. Writing hurt my hands, I didn't have good grip strength then and well, my handwriting is appalling at best. I would dictate papers to my mom who would give me some editing help but the ( Read more... )

I turned 30 on July 24th and yesterday I celebrated this with my amazing friends. I'd been a little afraid of throwing a party a week after my birthday but, as is usual with my anxiety, I think I was the only one who considered it odd. I almost cried when my friends sang Happy Birthday to me, I felt so loved and cared for. I've been meaning to ( Read more... )

I don't know if father's day gets easier. I mean, I'm sure it does and a part of me wants to say "it's been three years, why am I not over this?" but then I remember that when it had only been a week I'd been saying "it's been a week, why am I not over this ( Read more... )

Trigger Warning: I name and discuss Eating Disorder Behaviors in this post ( Read more... )

A game that I've been a part of for two years (or a bit more if you consider I was part of the planning group) ended yesterday. It was a great ending, my Murder Hobo character got a happy ending and it was a great conclusion to the story that we'd been telling collectively for two years. I have to admit I've been tearing up a bit today on and off. ( Read more... )

One day in an EDA meeting, one of my recovery buddies mentioned that her treatment team had recently allowed her to start running again. She used the phrase "I was given back running" and it struck me as odd. My disordered brain said "Why couldn't you have just run? I mean did they have to know and I mean can't you just run?! Given it back, so ( Read more... )

Hi, my name is Rachel and I believe that I am fundamentally unlovable. I don’t know how long I’ve had this belief, though I know I have to go back deeply into my childhood to remember a time when I didn’t think I was The Unlovable Worst™. Some days I carry it in front of me, on my sleeve. I apologize to people I haven’t even met. I send text ( Read more... )