Another birthday, another storm, another drama-fest, another meaningless and thoroughly worthless year. The cycle continues. Endlessly. Perhaps this will finally be the October that does me in.

When she said that she loves you and needs you, I felt the exact same words swell up in the pit of my stomach. Those words are just as true from my point of view. They're no less genuine ( Read more... )

It's been so long since I've been able to live without the constant stress of "will this be the day it all unravels?". I've gone from sleeping pretty regularly to going two weeks with maybe ten hours of sleep total. I dealt with my anxiety pretty well. I certainly wasn't going forward, but at least I could go a week without some sort of panic scare ( Read more... )

I'm begging you... just stop for a little while. Why the fuck does it have to screw me over right when I start making some progress? I can't do this. I'm going to shoot myself in the fucking face. I'm never going to be whole and I'm never going to be happy. I can accept the latter but the former is too much. Just keep piling on and piling on..... ( Read more... )

Why do I keep reading these things over and over? Why do I keep thinking things like that over and over? I just keep subjecting myself to the same pain. I don't know why, I just can't stop. Maybe because the more I do, the more real it feels. That constant reminder that it's real... it's necessary ( Read more... )

I can't ask for help. I can't do it. I can't ask people for help, and I can't admit when I need something or someone. And the more important something is, the moreso that applies ( Read more... )

I'm currently in the worst depression I've had since the really bad one of late 2006-early 2007 when I was nearly suicidal. I don't know entirely what's wrong, but for some reason I just haven't been able to get over it. I usually deal with depression really well - only the really bad ones show, as I can just hide it normally and deal with it ( Read more... )

It's ironic that I began this day looking through old saved conversations. Remembering happier times. Smiling. How could things have possibly crumbled so badly ( Read more... )

So, the house I am currently living in is being auctioned out from under us by the city. We have a month to find somewhere else to live. Luckily, we were planning on moving soon anyway, so at least we have some money saved up and are not totally screwed. It's earlier than we'd planned, so hopefully we have enough money ( Read more... )

Don't listen to your mp3 player to soothe you to sleep when Dearest is on it. You should have known better in the first place. That song will only charge you with emotion and it will have the exact opposite effect rather than helping you sleep. Moron. Not that you'd likely have gotten to sleep anyway ( Read more... )